Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The good, the bad, and the ugly

     I just glanced at my datebook and realized that after today there is only one more full day in August. Well thank God . I just want this month to end, in fact I just wish that most of it had been a dream. It didn't start out that way. I celebrated my birthday on the 2nd. I went out with friends on the 5th. I spent the 6th with my husband and children at my favorite restaurant. The rest of it is a blur, an ugly blur.
     On top of dealing with a personal situation that has rocked me to my core, August means back to school. Oh the stress. Getting back into routines , schedules changing, and all the hands out asking for money is enough to make me scream. I haven't had a paycheck since June and Eric didn't have drill this month. The money situation has been really screwy. So we didn't have that usual money coming in and yet was spending money on stuff we don't usually have to. Payday cannot come soon enough for me, but alas that is not until next month. There is much more that I could say about the bad and the ugly but I don't wish to splatter my personal mess onto anyone else.
     I have held strong to my faith for the last three weeks. If not for my faith, I don't know how I could have continued to get up in the mornings and function. I thank God for the strength and peace that he has given me over and over again , every time I have asked. I know that no matter what I am going through or will go through that God has a bigger plan that I can't see. He will always take the bad and the ugly and make something beautiful out of it. That is the way he works and I am so glad that I am His.
     The good and yes there was a little. I had my 4 week post procedure followup with my  Dr and am doing well. I have more energy than before the procedure and just overall feel better. I have started going to the gym and have began exercising my booty off at least 3 times a week.I didn't have enough energy before the procedure to do that. Since the beginning of August I have lost 7 pounds. Yay me ! I also realized a couple of days ago that I have not had a period since my procedure. According to the calendar I should have had 2. I don't know if I will or won't have another. Maybe my body needs some readjustment time. All I do know for sure is that the extreme exhaustion is gone. I can go many days now without a nap. No more drugged up feelings, no PMS.
     35 more hours til September. The countdown has begun.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

His hands

     I just had a fabulous meal at Red Lobster with my family as a belated birthday treat. As we were riding down the road , Eric reached over and took my hand in his. I studied his hand as it held mine for a long time. Oh , how I love his hands. Compared to mine they are monsters , they swallow mine. They are tanned, rough with callouses , and kinda dirty looking even when they are clean.These hands have meant a great deal to me over the years.Most often his hand holds mine just as a simple gesture and physical connection. Those are the times that I love them most. No matter where we are or how many people are around , the simple act of his hand holding mine binds us together . Through the years he has used his hands to show his love for me in many different ways.
     His hand sometimes pinches or slaps my bottom in a playful way as a flirt.Other times, it caresses or massages when flirting has went a little too far.  As fun as those hands are, they are not the most important ones.
     His hands rested upon my belly to feel the precious little feet of kicking babies before they were born. His hand held mine to calm me during the birth of both of our children and then lovingly and gently held them both before even me. They fed hungry babies and changed dirty diapers when I couldn't.They have swatted unruly children and gave a spanking or two when needed.
     His hands have held mine or rubbed my back as I have cried in pain whether physical or emotional. They have held me up at times when I wasn't sure I could stand on my own. They have wiped my tears and stroked my hair to comfort me in times of distress. They have always been a source of strength for me when I have none of my own left.
     His hands have always supported our family by working. They have provided money for all of our needs and even a few wants. His hands are rough , stained , and scarred from many years of hard work but those callouses, stains, and scars are proof of how much he loves us so I love each and every one. Those same hands that have worked so hard have also been used to patiently fix toys or broken appliances.
      His hands are strong yet gentle. They can be harsh or comforting. They have been used for many different things and still my favorite is when one of them just simply holds one of mine.


Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Happy birthday??

     Happy birthday to me, I made it to 39. Yay me.It was the worst birthday I can ever remember having. It all started yesterday afternoon while driving around town. My low oil pressure light started blinking and this horrible annoying dinging would begin. It was too late in the afternoon to get it checked yesterday so I parked it and waited til this morning. I guess sleeping late on your birthday is overrated anyways. I left the house by 8 am and took the van to a garage that we use occasionally and (remember this for later) he asked if the oil had been changed recently. I said yes and he asked whay weight was put in it. My reply was 5-30 and he said "good, thats the correct weight, if it was heavier I would say that is your issue." He proceeded to put on a new sender unit and sent me on my way. The light and the dinging started before I even pulled up to the first stop light.I went back and was told that it was probably the oil pump and I would have to take it somewhere else because he didn't fool with those.
     Garage #2 took it somewhere different , someone we have also used before. He mumbles something about putting some heavy diesel oil in it. What??? I couldn't get out of there fast enough. Refer back to the previous paragraph. On to garage #3 . Third try is the charm. A little explanation here: the light is supposed to come on when there is less than 5 pounds of oil pressure. This guy's gauge read 14 pounds of pressure so he ruled out the oil pump pretty quickly. He worked tirelessly and patiently for hours trying one thing after another until he figured it out.
     As far as garages go , its not a bad place to spend your day. They have a cool air conditioned waiting spot with places to sit. Its slightly dirty but it is after all a garage. They have a tv and a drink machine . Here is the kicker...for the first 3 hours I sat through episode after episode of the Andy Griffith show. I know I live in Mount Airy but I care nothing for the the show loosely based upon the town I live in. The receptionist was babysitting two kids(I think related) the youngest being 2. Four hours of my day was spent watching bad tv and 4 kids , two of them mine, being crazy but having fun and not arguing.
     I pulled back into my driveway at almost 4pm having spent all of my day in 3 different garages but with a van that wasn't dinging at me. It hurt the pocketbook too. I really didn't want to have to spend any more money on it til I had enough to get the air fixed so this set me back a couple of weeks, actually maybe longer than that because SCHOOL is weighing down on me and for the first month all they do is hold out their hands and it will be mid September before I get my first paycheck.
     There was a couple of very wonderful moments in my day. Some cards with beautiful words from my kids and husband mean more than anything else. I had over 60 "Happy birthday" wishes from my FB friends. I had some surprise phone calls . Late this evening I ventured back out for a FREE  iced caramel white mocha 
from Moby's . Yes FREE because its my birthday. I will be getting my trip to Red Lobster on Saturday with my sexy husband and beautiful kids and I have a playdate scheduled with some friends for Friday night, so I have birthday stuff to still look forward to. Happy birthday to me.   

Monday, August 1, 2011


     Tomorrow is my birthday and usually for my birthday I ask for the whole family to go to Red Lobster and enjoy a meal because it is my favorite place to eat. I have asked for that this year but not entirely sure that I will get it. Last night my wonderful husband asked what else I wanted. Usually I say "nothing honey, I have everything I want or need" and usually that is so but its been one heck of a summer and so here's the real deal.Listed below are my wishes from most important to least important.
     #1 I wish for the low oil pressure light to quit blinking in my van so we don't have to spend money on it because we have spent enough money on it already this summer which leads me to wish
     #2 I want cold air to magically blow out of the vents of my van without having to spend another penny because we have spent enough money on it already this summer.
     #3 I want all the leaking discharge to magically disappear and for my body to return to normal
     #4 I want my kids to stop fighting so I can keep what little sanity I have
     #5 I want a job that pays more than the one I have right now without turning my life totally upside down
     #6 I want my hormones to return to normal so all of the things above don't drive me to tears the moment I think about them
     I am a simple woman. I am the least materialistic person on the face of the planet.I am not hard to please really I am not. It just seems that there has been little peace since school let out and I am feeling a little overwhelmed. I know, its life and we just have to deal with it. I am not the only person out there with issues and my issues can't even compare to some . I know I am blessed. I know things could be worse . Knowing all of that and still having the energy to deal with everything I am dealing with right now are worlds apart.