So here is the deal. Not sure how Both Chris and I heard the same thing but got it so messed up. The last we heard was that a clot had traveled to Mom's lung and caused issues. I will try to explain this but its complicated and hard to understand. Yes, a clot did travel to her lungs and yes it caused an issue. When a clot hits the lungs , it shatters, kind of like dropping a glass and it breaking into hundreds of shards. Those shards take up space, filling the lungs , causing pulmonary issues. This is what happened on Wednesday. Here is what we misunderstood. The clot was probably a piece that broke off of one that is still in her heart. The shards in her lungs are responding to the blood thinners and aren't the major issue right now. Its the one still in her heart. .
If there are any positives , here they are : The clot in her heart is responding to the blood thinners also. The clot is situated in the right atrium. Had it been in the left side of the heart the clot that separated would have traveled to her brain and caused a devastating stroke.If this clot dislodges then its only path is the lungs. I am not saying that is a good thing, her lungs are recovering from the last one.
The plan is this, they carry on with the current course of treatment.Going in and getting it out is way to risky for her. To do that, they would have to discontinue Plavix and aspirin that is protecting the new stent from clotting . The last thing she needs is more clots forming and moving around. There is always the possibility that this one could dislodge and go straight to her lung. If that happens they can in an emergency situation use a clot busting drug but that comes with risks too. There really isn't a bright side to any of it. Its simply a sit and wait to see what happens situation. Dr Hoyle , my new hero, has allowed her to once again get out the bed and sit in a chair. No walking around just yet, but at least she isn't flat on her back in that uncomfortable bed. We can't wrap her in bubble wrap and not let her move around at all. She has been in CICU almost 7 days now and there isn't even an estimated date for a move . Its strictly day by day and that is ok by me.
Yesterday was a bad mental health day for me. From the moment Chris called me and she was being loaded into an ambulance til yesterday morning I had pretty much held it together. I gave my mother a bath yesterday morning and it was the most anxiety ridden 20 minutes of my life. She had been told to be as still and quiet as possible and even a sponge bath requires movement. It came time to change her hospital gown and I couldn't figure out how to get it around all the tubes and wires . After that experience I went to my van and had my first breakdown of the day. The first but not the last. I had several more that were seemingly random. After a day of crying jags and some Bible reading I feel much better. I have had zero meltdowns today . I can't predict tomorrow though.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Don't get too comfortable
So I guess I done went and did exactly what the doctor said not to do. He told us just Monday not to get too comfortable . After Mom having 2 solid good days I had gotten too comfortable. Today was a bumpy day . It started out wonderful. When I got there Mom was awake and feeling good. They were weaning her off of her oxygen and the plan was to take out her catheter , get her up and moving a little, and then move her out of CICU.She ate breakfast, had the catheter taken out, and gave herself a sponge bath. We were told that she was then ready to take her on a little walk.
Chris took on the job of pushing the IV cart while I walked beside her holding her hand. She was doing so well for about 2 minutes and then she swayed toward me and we came to a halt. She wanted to keep going but I made her lean against the wall. She had beads of sweat on her upper lip and was pasty white. I asked her how she felt and she said nauseous . Chris took over holding her up while I sprinted down the hall for her nurse and something with wheels. Upon hooking her back up to her monitors it was apparent that her oxygen levels had dropped dramatically. Even after a few minutes hooked up in a rested state, she couldn't maintain a satisfactory level.
Within about 15 minutes her room was flooded with staff, each doing something different but all working together. Let me take this opportunity to say that they are AMAZING. Within the next 15 minutes she had had a chest x ray, an echocardiogram, and was on her way to CT. Her doctor said that his fear was a blood clot in the lung. Our worst fears were realized very soon. Now our major concern isn't the heart but this intruder in her lung. She has blood thinners on board and is not allowed out of the bed again til further notice. Blood thinners are most often given to hear attack patients but in Mom's case her heart leaked blood Saturday night and put her into cardiac arrest so blood thinners is risky for her at the moment . They don't want the bleeding to start again . We were told today that she had had pretty much every complication that can be associated with a heart attack so my prayer is that this is the last one. This two steps forward and one step back thing is scary. I am drained. I am physically, emotionally, mentally , and gas money bankrupt. The only thing keeping me going is my faith that God is gonna make this all ok.I am positive about that and also positive that I will not get too comfortable any time soon.
Chris took on the job of pushing the IV cart while I walked beside her holding her hand. She was doing so well for about 2 minutes and then she swayed toward me and we came to a halt. She wanted to keep going but I made her lean against the wall. She had beads of sweat on her upper lip and was pasty white. I asked her how she felt and she said nauseous . Chris took over holding her up while I sprinted down the hall for her nurse and something with wheels. Upon hooking her back up to her monitors it was apparent that her oxygen levels had dropped dramatically. Even after a few minutes hooked up in a rested state, she couldn't maintain a satisfactory level.
Within about 15 minutes her room was flooded with staff, each doing something different but all working together. Let me take this opportunity to say that they are AMAZING. Within the next 15 minutes she had had a chest x ray, an echocardiogram, and was on her way to CT. Her doctor said that his fear was a blood clot in the lung. Our worst fears were realized very soon. Now our major concern isn't the heart but this intruder in her lung. She has blood thinners on board and is not allowed out of the bed again til further notice. Blood thinners are most often given to hear attack patients but in Mom's case her heart leaked blood Saturday night and put her into cardiac arrest so blood thinners is risky for her at the moment . They don't want the bleeding to start again . We were told today that she had had pretty much every complication that can be associated with a heart attack so my prayer is that this is the last one. This two steps forward and one step back thing is scary. I am drained. I am physically, emotionally, mentally , and gas money bankrupt. The only thing keeping me going is my faith that God is gonna make this all ok.I am positive about that and also positive that I will not get too comfortable any time soon.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Wait and see
My world was turned upside down on Saturday and has yet to flip back over. At 1:32 pm my brother called me to tell me he was at Mom's house and she was being loaded into an ambulance . She was very sick and having chest pain. Once loaded up , her info was electronically sent to Hugh Chatham who ordered them to take her straight to Forsyth because she was having a heart attack. Upon arrival she was taken straight to the cath lab and had a stent put into her coronary artery which was 100% blocked. She had a major heart attack and there was massive damage done to the right side of her heart. It was after 4pm before we could see her. She was alert and talking. They had put in a temporary pacemaker and she was ordered not to move her right leg or raise her head.
She remained stable for the rest of the evening and we were told we could leave if we wanted since they will not allow overnight stays. Chris was going to stay for awhile so I left and drove home telling him to call me if anything changed. I was home for a grand total of about 30 minutes before my cell phone rang and my brother said to come back because she had just coded. Fluid had built up around her heart and put enough pressure on it to make it stop.Mom woke up to a woman sitting on top of her giving her CPR compressions and a needle sticking out of her chest to draw off fluid. She was side awake as they cut her and inserted a chest tube . I stayed til 1 am and then made my way home for the second time that day .
She had another episode early Sunday morning where her heart rate dropped dangerously low but meds shot into the IV immediately brought it back up. She has been stable for more than 24 hours now which is a very positive thing. We were told not to get too comfortable. She still isn't out of the woods quite yet . When there has been this much damage done to the heart its just a wait and see kind of thing. Having said that, the Dr said this morning that considering the damage done that she was doing remarkably well to have kept a good blood pressure and heart rate with minimum meds. They removed the pacemaker this morning and when I left this afternoon she was sitting up and eating a little lunch.Up til 1:30 today she had not been allowed to even lift her head so she is way more comfortable now that she can move a little more.
Driving back and forth to Winston and sitting for hours in a hospital is taking its toll but I don't feel comfortable leaving her for long periods of time just yet. If I could , I would be there 24/7 . This is the woman who gave birth to me and has taken care of me for my whole life and now I just want to take care of her as much as I possibly can.If she needs someone to spoon ice chips into her mouth or apply chapstick to parched lips then I want to be there to do it. I am thanking God for letting her stay with us and for this precious time with her. I am praying that God lets us her stay with us for a long time to come but I trust him if that is not in his plan. I love this woman I call mama and can only hope and pray that this was just God's way of slowing her down and forcing her to take better care of herself than she has in the past. Guess I'll just have to wait and see.
She remained stable for the rest of the evening and we were told we could leave if we wanted since they will not allow overnight stays. Chris was going to stay for awhile so I left and drove home telling him to call me if anything changed. I was home for a grand total of about 30 minutes before my cell phone rang and my brother said to come back because she had just coded. Fluid had built up around her heart and put enough pressure on it to make it stop.Mom woke up to a woman sitting on top of her giving her CPR compressions and a needle sticking out of her chest to draw off fluid. She was side awake as they cut her and inserted a chest tube . I stayed til 1 am and then made my way home for the second time that day .
She had another episode early Sunday morning where her heart rate dropped dangerously low but meds shot into the IV immediately brought it back up. She has been stable for more than 24 hours now which is a very positive thing. We were told not to get too comfortable. She still isn't out of the woods quite yet . When there has been this much damage done to the heart its just a wait and see kind of thing. Having said that, the Dr said this morning that considering the damage done that she was doing remarkably well to have kept a good blood pressure and heart rate with minimum meds. They removed the pacemaker this morning and when I left this afternoon she was sitting up and eating a little lunch.Up til 1:30 today she had not been allowed to even lift her head so she is way more comfortable now that she can move a little more.
Driving back and forth to Winston and sitting for hours in a hospital is taking its toll but I don't feel comfortable leaving her for long periods of time just yet. If I could , I would be there 24/7 . This is the woman who gave birth to me and has taken care of me for my whole life and now I just want to take care of her as much as I possibly can.If she needs someone to spoon ice chips into her mouth or apply chapstick to parched lips then I want to be there to do it. I am thanking God for letting her stay with us and for this precious time with her. I am praying that God lets us her stay with us for a long time to come but I trust him if that is not in his plan. I love this woman I call mama and can only hope and pray that this was just God's way of slowing her down and forcing her to take better care of herself than she has in the past. Guess I'll just have to wait and see.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
The good, the bad, and the ugly
I just glanced at my datebook and realized that after today there is only one more full day in August. Well thank God . I just want this month to end, in fact I just wish that most of it had been a dream. It didn't start out that way. I celebrated my birthday on the 2nd. I went out with friends on the 5th. I spent the 6th with my husband and children at my favorite restaurant. The rest of it is a blur, an ugly blur.
On top of dealing with a personal situation that has rocked me to my core, August means back to school. Oh the stress. Getting back into routines , schedules changing, and all the hands out asking for money is enough to make me scream. I haven't had a paycheck since June and Eric didn't have drill this month. The money situation has been really screwy. So we didn't have that usual money coming in and yet was spending money on stuff we don't usually have to. Payday cannot come soon enough for me, but alas that is not until next month. There is much more that I could say about the bad and the ugly but I don't wish to splatter my personal mess onto anyone else.
I have held strong to my faith for the last three weeks. If not for my faith, I don't know how I could have continued to get up in the mornings and function. I thank God for the strength and peace that he has given me over and over again , every time I have asked. I know that no matter what I am going through or will go through that God has a bigger plan that I can't see. He will always take the bad and the ugly and make something beautiful out of it. That is the way he works and I am so glad that I am His.
The good and yes there was a little. I had my 4 week post procedure followup with my Dr and am doing well. I have more energy than before the procedure and just overall feel better. I have started going to the gym and have began exercising my booty off at least 3 times a week.I didn't have enough energy before the procedure to do that. Since the beginning of August I have lost 7 pounds. Yay me ! I also realized a couple of days ago that I have not had a period since my procedure. According to the calendar I should have had 2. I don't know if I will or won't have another. Maybe my body needs some readjustment time. All I do know for sure is that the extreme exhaustion is gone. I can go many days now without a nap. No more drugged up feelings, no PMS.
35 more hours til September. The countdown has begun.
On top of dealing with a personal situation that has rocked me to my core, August means back to school. Oh the stress. Getting back into routines , schedules changing, and all the hands out asking for money is enough to make me scream. I haven't had a paycheck since June and Eric didn't have drill this month. The money situation has been really screwy. So we didn't have that usual money coming in and yet was spending money on stuff we don't usually have to. Payday cannot come soon enough for me, but alas that is not until next month. There is much more that I could say about the bad and the ugly but I don't wish to splatter my personal mess onto anyone else.
I have held strong to my faith for the last three weeks. If not for my faith, I don't know how I could have continued to get up in the mornings and function. I thank God for the strength and peace that he has given me over and over again , every time I have asked. I know that no matter what I am going through or will go through that God has a bigger plan that I can't see. He will always take the bad and the ugly and make something beautiful out of it. That is the way he works and I am so glad that I am His.
The good and yes there was a little. I had my 4 week post procedure followup with my Dr and am doing well. I have more energy than before the procedure and just overall feel better. I have started going to the gym and have began exercising my booty off at least 3 times a week.I didn't have enough energy before the procedure to do that. Since the beginning of August I have lost 7 pounds. Yay me ! I also realized a couple of days ago that I have not had a period since my procedure. According to the calendar I should have had 2. I don't know if I will or won't have another. Maybe my body needs some readjustment time. All I do know for sure is that the extreme exhaustion is gone. I can go many days now without a nap. No more drugged up feelings, no PMS.
35 more hours til September. The countdown has begun.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
His hands
I just had a fabulous meal at Red Lobster with my family as a belated birthday treat. As we were riding down the road , Eric reached over and took my hand in his. I studied his hand as it held mine for a long time. Oh , how I love his hands. Compared to mine they are monsters , they swallow mine. They are tanned, rough with callouses , and kinda dirty looking even when they are clean.These hands have meant a great deal to me over the years.Most often his hand holds mine just as a simple gesture and physical connection. Those are the times that I love them most. No matter where we are or how many people are around , the simple act of his hand holding mine binds us together . Through the years he has used his hands to show his love for me in many different ways.
His hand sometimes pinches or slaps my bottom in a playful way as a flirt.Other times, it caresses or massages when flirting has went a little too far. As fun as those hands are, they are not the most important ones.
His hands rested upon my belly to feel the precious little feet of kicking babies before they were born. His hand held mine to calm me during the birth of both of our children and then lovingly and gently held them both before even me. They fed hungry babies and changed dirty diapers when I couldn't.They have swatted unruly children and gave a spanking or two when needed.
His hands have held mine or rubbed my back as I have cried in pain whether physical or emotional. They have held me up at times when I wasn't sure I could stand on my own. They have wiped my tears and stroked my hair to comfort me in times of distress. They have always been a source of strength for me when I have none of my own left.
His hands have always supported our family by working. They have provided money for all of our needs and even a few wants. His hands are rough , stained , and scarred from many years of hard work but those callouses, stains, and scars are proof of how much he loves us so I love each and every one. Those same hands that have worked so hard have also been used to patiently fix toys or broken appliances.
His hands are strong yet gentle. They can be harsh or comforting. They have been used for many different things and still my favorite is when one of them just simply holds one of mine.
His hand sometimes pinches or slaps my bottom in a playful way as a flirt.Other times, it caresses or massages when flirting has went a little too far. As fun as those hands are, they are not the most important ones.
His hands rested upon my belly to feel the precious little feet of kicking babies before they were born. His hand held mine to calm me during the birth of both of our children and then lovingly and gently held them both before even me. They fed hungry babies and changed dirty diapers when I couldn't.They have swatted unruly children and gave a spanking or two when needed.
His hands have held mine or rubbed my back as I have cried in pain whether physical or emotional. They have held me up at times when I wasn't sure I could stand on my own. They have wiped my tears and stroked my hair to comfort me in times of distress. They have always been a source of strength for me when I have none of my own left.
His hands have always supported our family by working. They have provided money for all of our needs and even a few wants. His hands are rough , stained , and scarred from many years of hard work but those callouses, stains, and scars are proof of how much he loves us so I love each and every one. Those same hands that have worked so hard have also been used to patiently fix toys or broken appliances.
His hands are strong yet gentle. They can be harsh or comforting. They have been used for many different things and still my favorite is when one of them just simply holds one of mine.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Happy birthday??
Happy birthday to me, I made it to 39. Yay me.It was the worst birthday I can ever remember having. It all started yesterday afternoon while driving around town. My low oil pressure light started blinking and this horrible annoying dinging would begin. It was too late in the afternoon to get it checked yesterday so I parked it and waited til this morning. I guess sleeping late on your birthday is overrated anyways. I left the house by 8 am and took the van to a garage that we use occasionally and (remember this for later) he asked if the oil had been changed recently. I said yes and he asked whay weight was put in it. My reply was 5-30 and he said "good, thats the correct weight, if it was heavier I would say that is your issue." He proceeded to put on a new sender unit and sent me on my way. The light and the dinging started before I even pulled up to the first stop light.I went back and was told that it was probably the oil pump and I would have to take it somewhere else because he didn't fool with those.
Garage #2 took it somewhere different , someone we have also used before. He mumbles something about putting some heavy diesel oil in it. What??? I couldn't get out of there fast enough. Refer back to the previous paragraph. On to garage #3 . Third try is the charm. A little explanation here: the light is supposed to come on when there is less than 5 pounds of oil pressure. This guy's gauge read 14 pounds of pressure so he ruled out the oil pump pretty quickly. He worked tirelessly and patiently for hours trying one thing after another until he figured it out.
As far as garages go , its not a bad place to spend your day. They have a cool air conditioned waiting spot with places to sit. Its slightly dirty but it is after all a garage. They have a tv and a drink machine . Here is the kicker...for the first 3 hours I sat through episode after episode of the Andy Griffith show. I know I live in Mount Airy but I care nothing for the the show loosely based upon the town I live in. The receptionist was babysitting two kids(I think related) the youngest being 2. Four hours of my day was spent watching bad tv and 4 kids , two of them mine, being crazy but having fun and not arguing.
I pulled back into my driveway at almost 4pm having spent all of my day in 3 different garages but with a van that wasn't dinging at me. It hurt the pocketbook too. I really didn't want to have to spend any more money on it til I had enough to get the air fixed so this set me back a couple of weeks, actually maybe longer than that because SCHOOL is weighing down on me and for the first month all they do is hold out their hands and it will be mid September before I get my first paycheck.
There was a couple of very wonderful moments in my day. Some cards with beautiful words from my kids and husband mean more than anything else. I had over 60 "Happy birthday" wishes from my FB friends. I had some surprise phone calls . Late this evening I ventured back out for a FREE iced caramel white mocha
from Moby's . Yes FREE because its my birthday. I will be getting my trip to Red Lobster on Saturday with my sexy husband and beautiful kids and I have a playdate scheduled with some friends for Friday night, so I have birthday stuff to still look forward to. Happy birthday to me.
Garage #2 took it somewhere different , someone we have also used before. He mumbles something about putting some heavy diesel oil in it. What??? I couldn't get out of there fast enough. Refer back to the previous paragraph. On to garage #3 . Third try is the charm. A little explanation here: the light is supposed to come on when there is less than 5 pounds of oil pressure. This guy's gauge read 14 pounds of pressure so he ruled out the oil pump pretty quickly. He worked tirelessly and patiently for hours trying one thing after another until he figured it out.
As far as garages go , its not a bad place to spend your day. They have a cool air conditioned waiting spot with places to sit. Its slightly dirty but it is after all a garage. They have a tv and a drink machine . Here is the kicker...for the first 3 hours I sat through episode after episode of the Andy Griffith show. I know I live in Mount Airy but I care nothing for the the show loosely based upon the town I live in. The receptionist was babysitting two kids(I think related) the youngest being 2. Four hours of my day was spent watching bad tv and 4 kids , two of them mine, being crazy but having fun and not arguing.
I pulled back into my driveway at almost 4pm having spent all of my day in 3 different garages but with a van that wasn't dinging at me. It hurt the pocketbook too. I really didn't want to have to spend any more money on it til I had enough to get the air fixed so this set me back a couple of weeks, actually maybe longer than that because SCHOOL is weighing down on me and for the first month all they do is hold out their hands and it will be mid September before I get my first paycheck.
There was a couple of very wonderful moments in my day. Some cards with beautiful words from my kids and husband mean more than anything else. I had over 60 "Happy birthday" wishes from my FB friends. I had some surprise phone calls . Late this evening I ventured back out for a FREE iced caramel white mocha
from Moby's . Yes FREE because its my birthday. I will be getting my trip to Red Lobster on Saturday with my sexy husband and beautiful kids and I have a playdate scheduled with some friends for Friday night, so I have birthday stuff to still look forward to. Happy birthday to me.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Wishes
Tomorrow is my birthday and usually for my birthday I ask for the whole family to go to Red Lobster and enjoy a meal because it is my favorite place to eat. I have asked for that this year but not entirely sure that I will get it. Last night my wonderful husband asked what else I wanted. Usually I say "nothing honey, I have everything I want or need" and usually that is so but its been one heck of a summer and so here's the real deal.Listed below are my wishes from most important to least important.
#1 I wish for the low oil pressure light to quit blinking in my van so we don't have to spend money on it because we have spent enough money on it already this summer which leads me to wish
#2 I want cold air to magically blow out of the vents of my van without having to spend another penny because we have spent enough money on it already this summer.
#3 I want all the leaking discharge to magically disappear and for my body to return to normal
#4 I want my kids to stop fighting so I can keep what little sanity I have
#5 I want a job that pays more than the one I have right now without turning my life totally upside down
#6 I want my hormones to return to normal so all of the things above don't drive me to tears the moment I think about them
I am a simple woman. I am the least materialistic person on the face of the planet.I am not hard to please really I am not. It just seems that there has been little peace since school let out and I am feeling a little overwhelmed. I know, its life and we just have to deal with it. I am not the only person out there with issues and my issues can't even compare to some . I know I am blessed. I know things could be worse . Knowing all of that and still having the energy to deal with everything I am dealing with right now are worlds apart.
#1 I wish for the low oil pressure light to quit blinking in my van so we don't have to spend money on it because we have spent enough money on it already this summer which leads me to wish
#2 I want cold air to magically blow out of the vents of my van without having to spend another penny because we have spent enough money on it already this summer.
#3 I want all the leaking discharge to magically disappear and for my body to return to normal
#4 I want my kids to stop fighting so I can keep what little sanity I have
#5 I want a job that pays more than the one I have right now without turning my life totally upside down
#6 I want my hormones to return to normal so all of the things above don't drive me to tears the moment I think about them
I am a simple woman. I am the least materialistic person on the face of the planet.I am not hard to please really I am not. It just seems that there has been little peace since school let out and I am feeling a little overwhelmed. I know, its life and we just have to deal with it. I am not the only person out there with issues and my issues can't even compare to some . I know I am blessed. I know things could be worse . Knowing all of that and still having the energy to deal with everything I am dealing with right now are worlds apart.
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