Learning To Say No Like A Boss

     It is Monday morning and therefore today is the day that I wrap up or "finish" what wasn't checked off last week's "to do" list. Like most people, I am almost constantly thinking that there aren't enough hours in the day to do everything I need to do. That is a lie and I'll tell you why.
     I am a stay at home mom, a wife, and part time substitute teacher. A major portion of the population believes that I sit around and watch talk shows and soap operas all day. Sigh...if only that were true. Most days, I go non stop from 6am til after 8 pm just as if I worked a "real job". The difference is, I DON'T get paid in spendable currency.
     I am a stay at home mom because I can be, well, that, and I almost kind of have to be. My husband makes enough money to pay our bills but that also means that he works 50 to 60 hours a week which means that he brings home the bacon and I fry it up in a pan. It also means that I do EVERYTHING else and I am good at it. I make sure our children are at school every morning with everything they need for their day as well as everywhere else they may need to be for extra curricular activities. I do ALL of the house cleaning, ALL of the bill paying, ALL of the banking, ALL of the grocery shopping, ALL of the cooking. I could go on but you get the picture. Because of Eric's crazy hours, ALL that he can't do, I do.
     On top of ALL of that, I have added working out 4 to 5 times a week, cleaning the church once a month, cooking for the Wednesday night youth meeting at church once a month, cooking once a month for community meal night at church, attending and sometimes teaching a women's Bible study one evening a month, and a once weekly Bible study with a friend. I also try to fix a meal and either deliver it or have someone over for a meal once a month. I sub for the city schools and most recently have added a subbing stint at a church in Pilot Mountain, working 5 days last month.
     By mid October my datebook was a scary place and there were many days when I was on auto pilot , would crash when my head hit the pillow only to get up the next morning and start a new day that looked very much like the day before. On the evening of a particularly brutal day, my daughter and I were headed to a school function that she had to attend and I was telling her how exhausted I was and why. I was explaining to her why we probably would not be doing something that she had asked to do. The explanation included how I could not physically add even just one more thing. What she said to me in that moment changed my whole thought process. She said " And how exactly is that MY fault? Mama, you need to learn how to say no more than you say yes."
     A trip to the doctor and some bloodwork results in July made me realize that I needed to change how I take care of myself if I want to continue to take care of my family full time , now and for years to come. I will address that and what has transpired because of it in a blog very soon. Between July and now I have battled with making myself a priority and I was failing miserably. One day last week I ate only an apple for lunch and it took me an hour to eat that because I was taking bites between peeling and chopping 15 pounds of potatoes for a Wednesday night youth meal.For far too long I have made everyone and everything else more important and that must stop and stop now. It was in that moment that I decided that I do need to say no more than I say yes and declared November "SAY NO" month.
     I struggle with saying no. I hate hate hate feeling as if I have let someone down . Why can't my no just mean no? Why do I always feel the need to explain myself? I do not know the answers to those questions but by the end of this month I shall be well on my way to saying no like a boss.
     My to do list today looked like this : Drop off children at school, 2 loads of laundry, clean toilets, sweep downstairs, drop off items that have been sitting in a pile for 2 weeks at the cleaners to be repaired, take something back to Goodwill for a refund because this is the last day I can get one, take off the trash, workout at the gym, make mammogram appointment, call for prescription refill , grocery store run for 2 or 3 things, and somewhere in between all of that, put up freshly washed laundry, shower, eat lunch, plan supper, take dogs to potty multiple times, cook, pay 2 bills, scrub and pre-treat Eric's work jeans for washing tonight and probably 3 or 4 things that will come up as the day wears on. At 7 :25 I am getting into my car to take my children to school. I am wearing sweatpants,  a t shirt, and flip flops. My hair has been combed but needs a serious washing. I have on no makeup and I am not sure I had even brushed my teeth. As I put the car in reverse I get a text asking if I can sub today. I would love to say yes but just to get there on time would have meant that I would have needed to leave the house at least 10 minutes before then and in different clothes. It just wasn't possible. I quickly texted back that I could not and it took everything in me to resist a separate response explaining why I couldn't. I said no and it was uncomfortable but I stuck to it. I have crossed off  much of my to do list today and because I said no, I have nothing that I have to carry over to tomorrow's to do list. Maybe I can learn to say no like a boss. We shall see.

The simple beauty of prayer

     Recently I was scrolling down my page on Facebook and stopped to read a post about prayer. Let me begin by saying I love the woman who made the post. I know her to be intelligent, funny, beautiful, hardworking, and an incredibly devoted mother. It is certainly NOT my intention to blast her or her character.This is me using my blog to share a different opinion about the subject .
     The post was as such : I read often people asking for prayers for this or that. prayer is a wonderful thing. But think about this...There is always someone in a worse situation than you are; so maybe if you pray for people who are suffering so badly and count your blessings, even though you are going through a difficult time, the love and prayers you are giving will come back to you.
     I get it. I really really do. On a daily basis, my page is filled with mountains of prayer requests and at times, it seems a little overwhelming. The post bothered me way more than it should have and I am not really sure why. Maybe it is because I am really passionate about prayer. Prayer used to be something I was not very good at. As I have matured in my faith, I decided I had to work on that. I have a long list of friends that specifically call upon me to pray for them. Why me? They know, without a doubt, that if at all possible, I will stop what I am doing a pray immediately. If not, then, then I will honestly sometimes physically write it down so I will remember to do it before the sun sets on that day. To me prayer is more than a wonderful thing. Prayer is an essential and extremely important part of my faith .
    So here is what happened when I broke apart the post in my head. Allow me to propose a hypothetical situation. I receive a call from the local hospital and the person on the other end informs me that my husband has just been brought in via ambulance and to get there as soon as I can. Upon arrival I am told that his injuries are not life threatening but he is in surgery. Later, the surgeon explains that the immediate issues were fixed but he will probably need two to three more surgeries in the next year or so to completely repair damage done. All of the sudden, the world as I know it has completely turned upside down. My husband who I love dearly will most likely endure a massive amount of physical pain in the next year. Our finances have just been blown to pieces. Not only will we lose his income, but medical bills will probably bury us. The very same day, my neighbor's 3 year old is diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer and according to the doctor it's really just a matter of time. They are told to make him comfortable and prepare for the worst. I know my husband will eventually recover and come home, meanwhile this family will lose their child forever. So according to the logic used above, should I not request prayer for our situation, count my blessings that my husband is going to be okay, and focus on praying for the neighbor because their situation seems to be worse than mine? To use a phrase from one of my favorite commercials...that is not how this works. That is not how any of this works.
     Philippians 4:6 says : Do not be anxious about anything but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. So, basically, whatever makes us anxious, whether it be big or small, worse than someone else or not, while counting our blessings, we are to present our requests to God. God doesn't play favorites. Once our requests reach his ears, he does not sit back on his throne and throw out answers to them based upon how dire the situation is. God answers prayer according to his will and his plan and in his time. He loves us all. He cares about all of our cares, concerns, situations, heartaches, burdens, and pain. ALL. Nothing is too insignificant to God and nothing should be insignificant to us either. If I scroll my page and see two prayer requests, one because a husband lost a job and one because a husband died, who am I to decide whose situation is worse ? Do I tell the wife of the unemployed husband that she should count her blessings that at least her husband is alive and she should pray for the wife who just lost her husband?  Do I tell the wife who just lost her husband to death that she should count her blessings that she will at least be financially taken care of because he had fabulous life insurance and that she should pray for the wife whose husband just lost his job?
     Yes, we should count our blessings. Yes, what we put out there comes back to us. Both statements are accurate. The bottom line is this: I am a woman that prays. Sometimes it is all I can really do for someone when I can't physically do anything else for their situation. When I get to the point that I reach out to others and request that they pray for me, I surely want as many voices as I can to be  calling out my name to God on my behalf.I would imagine that anyone who swallows their pride and uses a public forum to ask for prayer hopes for the same. I guess I could decide that another's situation is worse than mine and instead of asking anyone to pray for me, count my blessings, and hope that somebody, somewhere, sees my situation and thinks that mine is worse than theirs and that they actually take the time to pray for me. I propose that I can do both. I can ask for people to pray for me while I go to God in prayer, thank him for how richly I have been blessed and then call out the names of those not as fortunate as myself.
     I have one last thought but it might be the most important to me. This country has never been more divided. Politics, race relations, economics, and religion has pushed us all into our separate corners , foaming at the mouth to be heard and gearing up to fight for what we believe in. I can see the absolutely incredible beauty in many of us coming together to pray for others, all in one accord and all in agreement for one purpose, to reach God's ears with our voices, all calling out the same name to him who holds the world in his hands and hears our hearts. I can't call out your name in my prayers if you don't ask.
     If by chance my friend who wrote the original post is reading this , I hope that you are not angry or offended by what I have written. I do firmly believe that two people can disagree and still respect and love each other. I do respect you and I do still love you.

People and shells, shells and people

     This past week I went on a 3 day adventure with my mom and daughter. If you missed it, you can catch up here :http://www.juliehmarshall.blogspot.com/2015/08/for-love-of-shells.html . As I was combing the beaches , sifting through piles, I saw something in the process that I had never noticed before. Shells are an awful lot like people. I know, it sounds like a stretch but just hang in there and allow me to explain.
     Of course, there is the obvious, all shells, just as people, are created by God . All have some of the same characteristics, yet all are unique in their own way. Some are black. Some are white. Some are multi-colored, and the rest are all shades in between. There are many different sizes, some are tiny. Some are large. The rest are in between.

Some shells are smooth. Some are rough around the edges.There are skinny shells and fat ones. There are ones that you can find hundreds of in a short period of time ( like the ones pictured above) and then there are the more rare ones that there are fewer of ( like the ones pictured here.)

No two shells are exactly alike, yet every one of them starts out the same. Seashells are the exoskeletons of mollusks such as snails, clams, oysters and many others. Such shells have three distinct layers and are composed mostly of calcium carbonate with only a small quantity of protein--no more than 2 percent. These shells, unlike typical animal structures, are not made up of cells. Mantle tissue that is located under and in contact with the shell secretes proteins and mineral extracellularly to form the shell. Think of laying down steel (protein) and pouring concrete (mineral) over it. Thus, seashells grow from the bottom up, or by adding material at the margins. Since their exoskeleton is not shed, molluscan shells must enlarge to accommodate body growth. This pattern of growth results in three distinct shell layers: an outer proteinaceous periosteum (uncalcified), a prismatic layer (calcified) and an inner pearly layer of nacre (calcified).
    As the creature inside of the shell grows, so does the shell Once the sea creature living within a shell dies, the empty shell washes up on the shore to be found by someone like me, who finds beauty in them and their purpose.The ocean is unforgiving, tossing everything inside of it to and fro every minute of every day. Shells are hard to protect the creature inside but they aren't indestructible. There comes a time when the constant pounding of the ocean will produce chips, cracks, and gouges. Just as a shell can be broken, so can we. Sometimes the constant pounding of life chips away at us, cracks our hearts, and gouges our souls.The blemishes caused by the storms of life aren't always immediately evident. At first glance the exterior still looks whole and perfect.

    

A closer look reveals the damage done to the interior.
     There are times in this journey called life that we feel washed up and abandoned upon the shore. Every once in a while someone like me runs across the broken shells that other's may leave laying and I pick them up and take them home because I see beauty in the brokenness. Every once in a while someone will see the beauty in a broken abandoned soul and love it regardless of it's blemishes and even if that never happens, God still does. Our heavenly Father created us , each one of us with some the same characteristics as everyone else, but all absolutely totally different than everyone else. He sees our brokenness even when no one else can. He sees past the chips, cracks, and gouges. He leans down, picks us up in His massive loving hands, and takes us home after the life within us ends.
    

For the love of shells

     The ocean...eternally churning, moving forward then receding, tumultuous, magnificent, and salty. For me, the ocean is healing, calming and draws me like a moth drawn to the flame. When I sit in front of it and watch the waves, one after the other, crash upon the sand , I get this beautiful picture in my head. I see God, my father, my rock, my protector, my everything, catching tears, not just mine but everyone who sheds them in pain. As they fill up his mighty hand, they overflow and spill out into the oceans, refilling them . When given the chance, I can sit and listen to the pounding of the waves upon the sand for hours. I believe the ocean to be one of the greatest of God's masterpieces. Surely there must be something like it in heaven. I can hope right? ...and before the throne there was something like a sea of glass, like crystal ; and in the center and around the throne, four living creatures and full of eyes in front and behind. Revelation 4:6 And I saw what looked like a sea of glass glowing with fire and, standing beside the sea, those who had been victorious over the beast and its image and over the number of its name. They held harps given them by God Revelation 15:2. I know, taken out of context but I still hope.
     Genesis 1:21God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that moves, with which the waters swarmed after their kind, and every winged bird after its kind; and God saw that it was good. God created the seas and then filled them with creatures that live within them. I find most of the creatures that live within them fascinating. I have a particular fascination with the shells that some of the sea creatures call home for awhile. God in his infinite wisdom knew that some of his creations were fragile and needed protection for their survival...thus shells came to be.
     I believe that I received my love of shells from my mother. As far back as I remember, a trip to the beach with her meant hours of combing the beach for shells. At times, we would literally just sit down into the piles because leaning over for that long is bad for the lower back. When my step dad was still alive , he and Mom would go to Atlantic beach every couple of years and visit Shackleford Banks so she could go shelling. After every visit, she would tell me how much she loved it and that I really needed to go someday. Frank has been gone for almost 5 years now. During those years, Mom has survived a massive heart attack and breast cancer. At 66 years old , she still works a stressful full time job and shares her home with my niece, her two small children and their father. To say that she knows little peace is a huge understatement.
      By March of this year, I knew it wasn't going to be possible for us to have a family vacation. I am not sure at what point I had the idea, but somewhere between then and May , God placed within me a plan. By Mother's day , all the research had been done and I announced to Mom that her Mother's day / birthday gift for this year was a trip to her beloved Shackleford Banks. The tears in her eyes when she realized I was serious confirmed that I had made a wise choice in a gift this year. It began as a trip for just me and her but grew to include my daughter , Cara.
     August is still peak season so even cheap hotel rooms aren't really all that cheap. By my calculations, the amount I had to spend would cover, a hotel room for two nights , the tickets for the ferry over to the island, gas, and food.The week before our scheduled trip, I talked about my plans in a Facebook post. When I awoke the next morning I had a private message from a dear friend who wanted to generously finance another night for us so we could spend more time together. In addition, my mother's cousin, who lives about an hour away from where we were staying offered to treat us to dinner one night of our stay. Only one word comes to mind...blessed.
     Our short vacation wasn't all smooth sailing and sunshine. Because of a banking issue, Mom was running late arriving at my house Tuesday morning so we didn't even arrive at our destination until after 6 pm. It was just as well because it had rained there most of the day and wouldn't have been the most fun beach day. Our plan was to ferry over to the island on Wednesday morning. The sun was shining through a few clouds so we carried on with our plan. It had been 6 or 7 years since Mom had been to Shackford Banks and she was very disappointed in the condition of the shoreline and the lack of shells compared to previous visits. Because of a storm approaching the area, the tide was ridiculously high and within an hour of arriving, a large portion of the island was flooded with waist high water. A woman who visits there quite often remarked that in all the years she has been there, she had never seen so much water on that part of the island. After being there for two hours, not finding the piles of shells that she was used to seeing, Mom was coming close to just wanting to catch the next ferry back. Unfortunately she didn't have the chance to decide that on her own. With a storm approaching, the ferry made it's last trip for the day and we were forced to leave. By the time we made it back to the hotel, the storm had turned, and the clouds gave way to a beautiful day. We spent the rest of our time that day and the next on the beach looking at the ocean more than being in the ocean because even at low tide, the surf was so incredibly rough that knee deep was a struggle and a work out.
     There were plenty of moments that outweighed the bad. Two hours into our drive down Mom said that she couldn't remember the last time she had laughed so much. That is as much encouraging as it is sad. I was at the beach. I found an awesome new coffee mug. I was at the beach. On day two, I realized there was a Starbucks with 12 minutes of us. (No coffee maker in our room :-( )   I was at the beach. We saw the wild horses of Shackleford and from my understanding they are usually elusive. I was at the beach. We had 3 hours to visit with family that we do not have the chance to see very often. I was at the beach. I saw a side of my mother that I had never seen before . I was at the beach. Since Frank's death , Mom had wanted to return and leave a rose as a memorial to him. I was honored to be the vehicle for her chance to do that.  Did I mention that I was at the beach?
     I am tired but it is a good tired. I have memories etched into my mind that pictures can't document although I did try. This was my first trip to Atlantic Beach and even though I am not a fan of sunrises over houses and prefer the sun to come up over the ocean, if a family vacation can be worked out for next year, we may return. Because the trip over to Mom's island was pretty much a bust, I hope to take her back sooner rather than later to try again.That sounds like a fantastic excuse to go back to the beach to me.

20 years together...19 of them married.

     I was 24 , he was 22 and we really were still just babies. I wasn't looking for him when he found me. I was frustrated with men, actually boys pretending to be men. Up until him I had been through some heartbreak and some amusement when it came to dating.
* There was the guy I started dating while in high school . We were together for 5 years. That is longer than some people stay married. He was my first love and he cheated on me.
* There was the guy who thought he was much better looking than he actually was. He was a terrible kisser and an ego maniac. He had plenty of money but sure didn't share it by tipping the waitress of a very nice restaurant one night .
* There was the guy who was more humble and very likeable. He wasn't a bad kisser but started talking marriage and kids after the 3rd date.
* There was the guy who I crushed on for awhile and then had a brief relationship with until I found out all of it was to make his ex jealous.
* There was the creepy guy who came into my place of work with his mom 3 or more times a week and stalked the department I worked in and left weird notes and gifts on my car. ( Shudder)
* There was the guy who was my age but had more health problems than a 50 year old man.
* There was the clearly troubled psychopath.
* There was the guy who was quiet, sweet, and not bad looking but upon going out with him informed me that I was the first woman he had ever asked out and then I became the first woman he had ever kissed. I just didn't have the patience.
     In walks Eric. I was working in the accounting office at the local Walmart. He worked for Loss Prevention and caught the shoplifters. I had admired his butt in a pair of jeans and he was stupid polite and respectful every time he knocked on my office door to cash in a travel voucher. It was a Saturday and I was working the 8-5 shift. The printer in the back office was down so all daily reports were re-routed to my office. By lunch , 4 hours of continuous printing noise had almost drove me to my breaking point. All I wanted to do was escape the store altogether and have lunch somewhere in town.
     I drove to the ATM and my ATM card wouldn't work ( before you could use those things as debit cards). I had $2 and some change on me so in defeat I drove back to the store and went to the snack bar to see what I could get for less than $3. The snack bar on a Saturday could be standing room only so by the time I stood in line and purchased a drink , there were no seats where I could sit by myself left. Eric was sitting at a small side booth with a 16 oz Mountain Dew and a dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts . He invited me to sit down and shared his doughnuts with me. I didn't realize at the time how big of a deal him sharing that box of doughnuts really was.
     When I clocked back in and ventured back to my office, he was sitting outside of it doing some paperwork. I unlocked and opened my door and if memory serves me correctly, let out a string of words that I would never say out loud today. The printer , left unattended for an hour, had strewn a mile long ribbon of reports from the printer to the other side of the office. Eric sat in the floor with me for the next 15 minutes and patiently helped me stack the mess back into order. At some point he says" I know somebody who wants to ask you out but he is intimidated by you and afraid to.' Some may not understand how little bitty ole me could possibly be intimidating but let's just say that I wasn't quite as nice and gentle back then as I am now.  As I pulled myself into a standing position again, I put my hands on my hips and replied " Just go ahead and tell me who it is. I will tell you if I would say yes or not. That way if the answer would be no, you can tell him not to bother.'. He smiled and then said, " If I asked you out someday would you say yes?" My reply was , "Maybe." What he said and did next sealed the deal. He said, " Then maybe someday I will." and he turned and walked out.
     Obviously he got over his illogical fear of me and asked me out and obviously I said yes. The first kiss curled my toes . His kiss still does that to me. He made me laugh even before our first date. He still makes me laugh every day. Even before he said "I love you" for the first time, I knew this was the man that I wanted to spend forever with. He still utters those three words to me about 100 times a day and it never grows old. Oh, and his butt still looks good in a pair of jeans.
     Today marks 19 years that we stood in front of a church filled with family and friends and said " I do." I still do. A lot happens in 19 years. Things like 2 babies, 3 moves, countless job and vehicle changes, the death of both of his parents, a 14 month deployment...the list goes on and on. Neither one of us are the same people who said those vows that day. I like to think we are different but better. A stupid amount of growing up takes place in 19 years and we have both done our share of that.
     Eric is the hardest working man I know. He awakes a little after 5 every morning and begins his work day by 6 am. He is not a desk job kinda man. He prefers physical labor, you know, sweating and getting dirty. There are days that he does not get home til 6pm. Even after a 12 hour work day, he is busy doing something most evenings until almost bedtime. He has always worked as much as necessary to make sure we had what we needed and supported my decision to be a stay at home mom for the last 14 years no matter how much the cost, and at times it was great.
     Eric is kind. He is generous. He is an incredible father. He is crazy talented. He is blow your mind smart. He is all of that and a bag of chips. He is not perfect though. Mistakes have been made and stupidity has taken over several times in the course of our marriage. I am not saying that I am perfect and that I haven't been stupid a couple of times. I'm just saying that if it was a contest he would win that one. Fortunately for him , he has a sense of humor that makes it hard for me to stay mad at him . Also fortunately for him , God has blessed me with an incredible gift of forgiveness. Together, we have weathered some storms that would have ended some relationships, but for us, have brought us closer together and created a stronger, better marriage. We disagree from time to time but we rarely have what I consider fights. I honestly can only remember 3 in our 19 years together and I only consider them fights because I yelled. I often wonder how many couples have that kind of track record.
     Nineteen years. Some days it seems like just yesterday and some days it seems like 100 years ago. I know it sounds corny, but I honestly believe that he was God sent. I fiercely believe that God created him for me and me for him. We certainly haven't had a fairy tale marriage but I do believe in happily ever after. I do believe in marriages that end only when death parts them. I do believe in sickness and in health, in better or worse, and in rich or poor. I believe in our marriage . Our love has weathered nineteen years of marriage. Some days , as I look around me, I realize what an accomplishment that really is. I don't know what God has in store for us but I , for one, am ready for nineteen more.

    

Lessons from the Garden

     Let's begin with a short timeline : Genesis 2:7 "Then the Lord formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life and the man became a living being." Genesis 2 :15 tells us that God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. Verse 16 : And the Lord God commanded the man, "you are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die."  ( Side thought...God didn't say "if" you eat from it, HE said "when") Verse 18 : "The Lord God said, " It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Verse 22 : "Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man."
     Ok, so Adam and Eve weren't born in the traditional sense. They weren't carried within a body. They didn't travel through a birth canal to be pushed out into the world as an infant.God created MAN and WOMAN. The came into this world as adults but, just as we have an earthly father, they had God to parent them. When a baby comes into this world, a parent tends to the needs of that baby. The same went for Adam and Eve. God provided for them the Garden of Eden, acres and acres of the largest all you can eat salad bar and a river running through it for water to wash it all down.
     We don't know how long Adam was alone before Eve joined him in the garden. We also don't now how long Adam and Eve were there together before being approached by Satan. All we know is that by chapter 3, Eve is approached by a serpent.
     Let's stop there for just a moment. Hasn't this ever freaked you out just a little? So imagine, if you will, Eve is taking a stroll in the garden, maybe stopping every once in a while to pick some berries and as she is plopping a few in her mouth, a serpent approached her and asks her a question.Wait ! What? Was this something that happened on a regular basis? I mean , I guess it is possible that they were so in tune with the animals that they conversed with them. Maybe it wasn't uncommon for a bird to fly overhead and chirp greetings. " Hey Adam, how goes it down there?" Let's just for the sake of argument agree that the answer is no. Assuming the animals didn't speak, I am disturbed at how unaffected Eve seems to be about this .
     Again, assuming, that the word "serpent" means the same as we understand it today, basically a snake speaks to Eve. A snake would have been a creature that Eve was accustomed to seeing, but talking to? Maybe I am overreacting here but shouldn't that have set off some internal alarm bells? Shouldn't that have been the moment that she yelled " Hey God, what's up with this ? " I suppose that God had explained to Adam and Eve that there was a certain talking serpent that could possibly approach them. If so, I guess my next question would be , would God not have also warned them about what this particular serpent was capable of?
     Anyway, Genesis 3 :1 " Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, " Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden?' " This is where it goes horribly horribly wrong because the answer is clearly "NO". Go back to Genesis 2:16-17 " And the Lord God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the Garden, but you must not eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it, you will certainly die." On the timeline, God gave this command to Adam before Eve appeared on scene so somewhere down the line there was a breakdown in communication. Either God repeated this command to Eve and she misheard OR Adam passed it along and misspoke OR Adam passed it along and Eve misheard because the answer is NO. That is not what God said at all ! In Eve's attempt to correct the serpent, she begins strong. In 3:2, she tells the serpent , " We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden but God did say, "You must not eat fruit from the tree that is the middle of the garden.'' Boom ! 2 points for Eve. Then Eve adds , "and you must not touch it, or you will die."
     Hmmmm....I just re-read 2:16-17 and I don't see anything about TOUCHING the tree. What follows is a perfect example of what happens when children aren't really listening to their parents, don't respect authority, and do the opposite of what they  have been told not to do. Eve looks at the fruit and chapter 3 verse 16 says that it was pleasing to the eye. Let me remind you that she is standing right smack in the middle of the largest all you can eat salad bar buffet ever. What made this particular fruit so desirable? The answer is simply that , IT was the one fruit she had been told she could not have. If you take a 2 year old and sit him in the middle of a room containing 200 toys but tell him he cannot play with the train in the corner, the toddler will most certainly want to play with the train. Unfortunately , this characteristic applies to adults as well. Does the phrase, " The grass in greener on the other side" ring a bell?
     I digress, So, Eve takes some of the fruit and eats it. Chapter 3 verse 6 says " she also gave some to her husband who was with her and he ate it.' Whoa ! Rewind ! This isn't just a case of Eve taking the fruit back to camp and offering it to Adam who had no idea about what had just happened. He was with her ! Unlike Eve, Adam had been given the command not to eat from the tree first hand. Ummm...hello? Where are the objections? What Adam should have done is smack the fruit from her hand and yell " What are you thinking woman?" He doesn't even try to talk some sense into her. At the very least Adam could have given a gentle reminder , " but Eve, Daddy told us not to do that." Nope. She hands him forbidden fruit and he scarfs it down like he is starving.
     What transpires next would be comical if it weren't for the fact that "next" is a big part of the downfall of mankind. God, being God, knows exactly what just happened and in the same way most parents would, seeks out Adam to question him. God calls out to him and in in verse 10 Adam says " I heard you in the garden , and I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid." Let's be real, Adam wasn't afraid because he was naked. Adam was afraid because he had disobeyed his Father , and just as most children would do in this situation, he hid. God doesn't waste any time though, He asks Adam straight up " Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?" As a parent, I often take this approach with my own children. I ask questions that I already know the answer to in hopes that they will take responsibility for their actions and answer truthfully.
     I find it interesting that God doesn't mention Eve in his question. The question was directed solely at Adam because the command was given to Adam. God asks a simple "yes" or "no" question. He already knew the answer. This was Adam's chance to redeem himself even if just a little. I assume, the correct response would have been to hang his head in shame , admit that he did indeed eat the fruit, that he knew that it was wrong even as he was doing it, and he was sorry...so so sorry. Instead, Adam doesn't even answer God , but immediately becomes the first person in history to avoid personal responsibility for his own actions. Verse 12 : The man said, " The woman you put here with me_ she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it." The way I read this : Adam blames the woman for giving him the fruit. In a smaller way, he also blames God for putting her there in the first place.
     Seeing that Adam isn't going to answer the way God wants him to, God transfers his attention to Eve. Verse 13 : Then the Lord God said to the woman, "What is this you have done?" Taking Adam's lead, Eve blames the serpent. At this point, God does what most parents of more than one child do. When nobody is willing to take responsibility, all of them are punished..
     I believe that there are some lessons to be learned from the garden.
1. God, as your heavenly Father, loves you and only wants what is best for you. Know his word.  Respect  authority and follow the commands given to you.
2. Be content with what you have been given .  Partaking of forbidden fruit is just not worth it.
3. Run away from talking serpents. When temptation comes knocking, don't open the door and let it in.
4.Stand up for what you know is right. Just because the person next to you is sinning doesn't mean you have to join in.
5. Remember that you can run but you can't hide. No matter how hard you try to hide sin, God sees all and eventually you will answer for it
6. Blaming others for your actions doesn't keep you from being punished and sometimes by not taking personal responsibility , you take others down with you.
     I am sure there are more , these are just the ones that come to mind at this moment.
    

You say you are a christian...

     You say you are a christian. You say you love God. You say you know Jesus. Are you? Do you? The following are MY observations, MY thoughts, MY opinions. YOU do NOT have to agree with me. I am NOT judging anyone in particular. I am NOT claiming that I know everything nor am I claiming perfection. This post is about 5 years in the making but five years ago I wouldn't have shared this publicly for fear of offending someone. Now I fear offending God for not posting it more than I fear the possibility of offending any person I know.
     I do say that I am a christian. I do say that I love God. I do say that I know Jesus as my personal savior. I do sin. I do mess up. I do fall short. I do have to ask for forgiveness daily. I do, however also strive EVERY day to live a life worthy of the forgiveness given me, worthy of the grace shown to me, worthy of the sacrifice that my precious Jesus made on the cross.
     I have heard it said that " christians are just a bunch of hypocrites. " I beg to differ. I believe that if you separate true christians from just those claiming to be christians you can see a difference. Anyone paying attention should be able to see God in a person whose heart is right with God. If you can't see God portrayed in someone's every day normal life, that probably means that HE isn't there. If God isn't there and they claim that HE is, well, that is where the hypocritical part comes into play..
     If you think that this "God and Jesus " stuff is just a bunch of nonsense then you won't really care what I have to say next. If you think the Bible is just a bunch of made up stories, then you won't care what I have to say next. If you don't believe that heaven or hell exists, you won't care what I have to say next.Good luck to you if you don't care what I have to say next.
     Attending church, even on a regular basis, does NOT make you a christian. There are people who attend church every Sunday, give when the offering plate is passed, say the right things, shake the right hands, and then upon pulling out of the church parking lot, drop the F bomb when someone cuts them off in traffic before they even reach home. This particular group of individuals are commonly referred to as "pew sitters". Sunday morning church is just for show and after that hour is up, all bets are off for the next 6 days. Faith is within the heart, not within the four walls of a building. Having said that, church does serve several purposes. If we place ourselves within the correct one there should be a majority of like minded people there with the same intent and purposes. That time of fellowship with like minded people can encourage us. We can share our daily struggles with people who truly love and care for us, people who will pray for us, people who will offer support in whatever way they can when and if we ever need it. Taking time out of your life to attend church, whether it be once a week or three, forces us to be still and reflect on God. I have heard people say, " well, I can just worship God at home." and while it is true that our entire lives should be about worshiping God, I wonder how many of those people actually take a period of time out of their day to really worship God. With the right congregation, we can flourish in our relationship with God, as well as make relationships with people that can last a lifetime. In the right place, with the right people , church can be our solace, our comfort, our encouragement, our lifeline, and somewhere we look forward to being at.
     Simply believing in God does NOT make you a christian. Even Satan believes in God. We must have a personal relationship with HIM. You must love HIM. You must trust HIM. You must obey HIM .God is our heavenly father and just as our earthly father, in order to have a relationship with HIM, love HIM, trust HIM, and obey HIM, we must spend time with HIM. To have a relationship with HIM means you must know HIM first. How does one get to know God? Yeah, that is where it will require some effort and time from you. You must spend some time talking to HIM otherwise known as prayer. By prayer, I don't mean just asking for everything your heart desires. Prayer involves asking, thanking, interceding for others, humbling yourself, and revealing yourself to HIM , the real you, not the you that the rest of the world sees. Prayer is only the tip of the iceberg. To know HIM is to trust and obey HIM. Only by reading and studying HIS word can you learn of HIS promises and expectations. Don't want to put forth that much time and effort? You will never know HIM and HE will never know you.
      Being a good person does NOT make you a christian. Some of the most generous , kindest people I know will not spend eternity in heaven. You simply can't do anything big enough or wonderful enough on this earth to earn your way in. Salvation isn't earned, it's given, but only to those who ask for forgiveness of their sins and turn away from those sins. You can be the person who gives a stranger the shirt and shoes off of your body, writes a check to the homeless shelter every month, and volunteers at the local soup kitchen on a weekly basis and if you aren't willing to give up the sin in your life, none of the good you do will make any difference when judgement day rolls around. I am not saying that I or any other christian is sinless. Roman 3:23 states that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. ALL is pretty encompassing. ALL of us sin. What makes the difference is what we do after we sin. If we have God in our life we feel convicted and ask forgiveness and strive to not repeat that sin. Without God , we feel no conviction, do not for forgiveness, and repeat the same sin over and over and over. No matter how kind you are, how generous you are, how loving you are, or how good you are, if you are not willing to lay your sin down, ask for forgiveness and live for God, you aren't a christian. What does living for God entail? Well, that goes back to reading and studying the word of God. If you don't read it and know what it says, you can't possibly live it.
     Saying you are a christian does NOT make you a christian. So, what makes someone a christian? Being a christian means you love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. That means that HE is your priority, HE is your focus, and everything you do, say, or think is done, said, and thought to please HIM. Your life becomes less about you and more about HIM. You care less about what the world thinks and more about what HE thinks.
     I have recently began to weed some things out of my life to make it easier for me to live the way that I know I should. It has been easier than I thought it would to decide what could go and what could stay. It has been very simple really. I ask myself a very simple question. Would I say this if God himself was sitting right beside of me? Would I do this if God himself was sitting right beside of me? Would I watch this or read this if God himself was sitting right beside of me. If the answer is clearly no, then I do not say it, do it, watch it, or read it. If it wouldn't please God then I will not allow it to be pleasing to me. The more I do this, the more I realize how much junk I have allowed to come between me and my God. It has been an eye opening experience and I have been forced to humble myself more than once and ask for forgiveness but it has also brought me that much closer to HIM and I have realized that there is nothing here on this wretched earth worth spending eternity in hell for.
     I do not determine who makes it into heaven and who spends eternity in hell. Only God makes that call and only HE knows every heart. Here is what I do know , Matthew 7:13-14 says "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.But small is the gate and narrow is the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." Simply put, there is a wide road that leads to hell and MANY travel that road. There is a narrow road that leads to heaven and FEW find it. Considering those odds, if you say you are a christian you need to make sure you know what that means and then you better make sure you are living as one.

Just my opinion...

     I just read a blog concerning the apparent epidemic of suicides at Appalachian State this year. According to the American College Health Association (ACHA) the suicide rate among young adults, ages 15-24, has tripled since the 1950s and suicide is currently the second most common cause of death among college age students. These young people are often away from home and friends for the first time. They're living with strangers, far from their support systems, and working under intense pressure - with disrupted sleeping, eating and exercise patterns. You could hardly design a more stressful atmosphere.
     I have a theory about a few other reasons why there is a rise in suicide among young adults . It's called reality and my fear is that we aren't sending our children out into the real world equipped to handle the real cruel world.It wasn't too many generations ago that children , elementary school aged children, woke up before the sun, dressed, trudged to the outhouse and then went straight to the barn to milk the cows and gather eggs for their breakfast. After sucking down breakfast, they WALKED to school and they did this every day whether it was 80 degrees outside or 5. Starting last year , local area schools began delaying the school day when the temps were to be extremely cold. I don't like to roll out of bed when it is cold outside either but the reality is that the world doesn't stop turning just because it is below 10 degrees.
     I had my first job at age 16. I didn't work for play money either, I worked to pay for my car insurance and gas money to drive back and forth to school. I see less and less teens having to work for anything they have . Here is what I see : Teens driving not to work, but to a friends house to party or hang out in cars paid for by their parents, filled with gas with money that mom or dad handed them as they walked out the door, and insurance premiums paid by none other than the same mom and dad.
     There are so many things that the generation being raised up right now depends on and takes for granted that the generation before them did not have. I did not own a cell phone until I was 25 years old. Today the average 2nd grader owns the newest Iphone paid for by mom and dad. I am not sure why a 2nd grader would need an Iphone but I have noticed that even elementary school aged children have become increasingly lazier to do actual book work. If you hand them a worksheet with a 3 paragraph story and 6 questions about the story on it, half of the class will gather around the teachers desk asking for help with the answers. They don't want to have to look for them, they just want you to show them where the answer is like google would do.
     I am terrible at following directions...the driving kind. I was no better when I was younger. I now own a GPS but up until 2 years ago there were times when I drove around in circles trying to figure out where I was. Up until GPS everybody used maps to get from one place to another. Now, nobody has to guess how long it will take to drive to a destination , or the best route to get there. We are always just a few clicks away from having instant directions, best routes, driving times, and heck, if you want, a list of dining and hotel options along the way. Children don't have to pay attention to where the car they are riding in is turning to get to where they are going. They won't have to remember. Their time is better spent sitting in the backseat watching a movie on the built in DVD player , playing a game on their Iphone, or taking a selfie to post on Instagram. I mean, why look up and pay attention? Mom and dad will make sure they have GPS so they don't get lost, right?
     My point is, everything is just too easy . Nobody has to work to figure anything out anymore. Critical reasoning skills have been lost. A friend of mine has a daughter who soon will be moving away to college. I have noticed that way too often her sentences begin with " Hey Mom, should I...?" Her questions aren't life altering decisions such as " Hey, Mom should I go to this college or that one?" it is usually something simple as " Hey Mom, should I have a bagel or fruit for breakfast?" Now this could be a case of her valuing her mother's opinion and I really hope it is. I truly hope that it isn't because she lacks the self confidence to make simple decisions on her own. If it is difficult for her to decide whether to wear the tennis shoes or the black flats with her jeans and sweater on her own without Mom's input, how much harder is it going to be to make the decision whether to attend the party down the hall in college or stay in and study for Monday's big test?
     Today's child only needs to show up to get a trophy. Today's child has the latest and best in technology at their fingertips and does nothing to earn it.Today's child has helicopter parents making every decision for them and never allowing them to fail. Today's child looks more greedy and self absorbed than any other generation. Today's child lives in a world that less and less takes personal responsibility for anything. Today's child is tomorrow's college adults and have absolutely no idea how to handle having to actually earn rather than be given. They can't make decisions for themselves and can't emotionally deal with failure. They can't take their noses out of the Iphone long enough to handle real world social interactions. They don't take personal responsibility because they have never had to .Today's child is overwhelmed when thrown out into the real world called college.
     Yes, this is my opinion and you may or may not share it. Yes , it is harsh and perhaps a little judgmental. I am not in any way shape or form saying that ALL children or college students fall onto this category. I am just forming my own opinions and theory based on time spent with young to upper teen children. It is perfectly okay for you to disagree with me and I won't be crushed when you do. I am capable of dealing with that because I live in the real world where your opinion of my opinion doesn't determine my emotional and mental stability.