My last blog post was all about the horrors of my van and trying to buy a car. I thought I would take a little time to explain a few things. Patterson Dodge only had one used Charger in stock and it wasn't what I wanted. Kernersville Dodge had more than one that I was interested in but we didn't want to have to go that far. We did find an illegally opened account on Eric's credit report. All of those things were truth. The rest was what I was led to believe so my husband could pull off the biggest good surprise of our married life.
Eric was out of town Monday and and Tuesday but first thing Wednesday morning amid talking to a score of people about the credit ooops was also taking to Patterson Dodge. He got the loan process started and by Wednesday afternoon was given the go ahead at which time he told them exactly which Charger we wanted from Kernersville. All the while he was telling me that the fraud was going to slow things down. To throw me off even more he told me that the Charger that we wanted from Kernersville was not available anymore. Well, that part was true because by Wednesday afternoon, Patterson had already made arrangements to send someone the next morning to pick it up. Wednesday night after church while I was inside chatting with friends he was outside unplugging a spark plug wire so my van would drive badly on the way home. He knew that I would never drive it like that and it gave him an excuse to get it away from the house so he could trade it the next afternoon.
He called me about 2:45 Thursday afternoon to let me know that he was headed over to Patterson so they could hook it up to their machine and see what it would say about the flashing check engine light only to call me about 10 minutes later asking me where I kept my registration. He said he had been pulled over by a state trooper. While it was true that a state trooper was indeed standing beside of him when he said it, it wasn't because he got pulled over, he just needed the registration.About 30 minutes later I hear a car in the driveway. From looking out of an upstairs window all I could tell was that it wasn't my van sitting in the driveway, thinking that they just allowed him to drive something home because they decided that the van wouldn't make it.
I meet him at the bottom of the steps to question him about getting pulled over and he says that he needs me to go back over to Patterson with him. I glance outside and it doesn't register. I figure he wants me to follow him back over there to give them their car back.I glance outside again and realize it is a Charger. Still doesn't register . "Wait a minute, where did that one come from?" I ask. He answers, "Kernersville Dodge." Still doesn't register. Then he says "Its yours." At that point I think I yelled "shut up" or "NO" as it sank in and I was fighting the ugly cry. All that was left was to dig out the title for the van and finalize the paperwork. I was so all to pieces that I couldn't even drive us over there so it was later Thursday evening before I was calm enough to drive my most favorite car EVER.
Well played husband of mine, well played.
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Its a piece of junk
After my mother in law passed away in 2008, my husband convinced me that we needed to buy her van. At the time I had a pontiac montana van that I loved. Her van had less miles, leather seats, was a Chrysler town and country , and would have a better resale value he said. I relented and so for four years I have hated what I drive. For the last two we have been plagued with issues. I spent mega bucks between the summer of 2010 and 2011 on the a/c. In the last year we have replaced a front hub at least three times and nobody can tell me why it keeps eating them up. Around October I decided that if it could make it til tax time, it was gonna be history. Alas, it was not meant to be. I am done !
Friday morning I took it to get the oil changed and tires rotated. Pretty routine right? Not in my world. Forty minutes later I receive the news that BOTH front hubs are dangerously loose and need to be replaced and in the process of changing the oil a significant oil leak was found in my front gasket. By that afternoon both issues were fixed and I was on the road again. Saturday morning I went out to finish my Christmas shopping . Upon pulling back into the driveway the low oil pressure light came on and started a very annoying dinging sound. I went back out later around lunch time, stopped at a gas station and noticed anti freeze dripping from the bottom. I had reached my limit and announced to my husband that I was done, just done.
For the rest of that day I scoured the internet for cars. I no longer want to be a van mom. I want a car. Call it mid life crisis, call it whatever you want, I want a car. I have decided that I want a Dodge charger and I am pretty specific about my wants. I want it to be gray or silver. I want a sunroof, I want less than 100,000 miles and I want it now.We haven't made car payments in about 10 years so if I am gonna be paying that much for something I am not gonna settle for what I don't want. Unfortunately the universe is working against me.
Eric was out of town Monday and Tuesday. While he was gone I took some time to check his credit report. Good news is that his credit score is good, bad news is that in July somebody used his name and social security number to open an account at Carolina West and not pay the bill . Much of his time yesterday was spent on the phone talking to Carolina West, the collection agency where the account has been placed , the credit reporting agencies,the police department and Patterson Dodge, which by the way doesn't have what I want.They have one used charger on the lot but it is white , no sunroof, and its 6 cylinder not a hemi. In the words of my husband, having a charger without a hemi is like having a jeep without four wheel drive, what's the point? They say they can find us what we want and I would prefer to buy from them instead of going out of town. 1) Eric knows a few people over there and believes we can get a better deal and 2) I like to stay local if possible.
I don't think the oops on the credit report will stop us from getting a loan but it will perhaps slow things down. Even slower than that will be Patterson actually finding what I want and getting it here. I am normally a patient person but here's the deal.Patterson has already evaluated my van and gave us a trade in price. Last night after church we get in and crank it up. Eric gets very still and says, "do you feel that?" It was shaking, literally shaking sitting still. As soon as it went into drive the check engine light started flashing, not came on and stayed on , FLASHING ! We weren't sure if we were gonna make it home. Eric drove it to work this morning so I could drive his truck and hooked it up to see what was wrong with it. Well, according to the code its the computer. To top it all off the air bag light started flashing . I swear we need to call in a priest, this thing is possesed. It's as done as I am. So Patterson could say that they will still take it as long as we can get it there OR they could say, no deal. Trade in is void. I will NOT spend any more money on this van just to trade it because if I haven't mentioned it before... I AM DONE! As Si would say "This thangs a piece of junk ".
Having said all of that ...I am not stressed. I know that Eric will get it home this evening and we will park it in the driveway until we either take it to Patterson to trade or have call someone to pick it up for crushing. I am honestly happy that I never have to drive it again.I know that God's timing is perfect so I may not be driving a new to me car by the end of the week like I originally wanted but someday very soon I will. Yes, my friends, its all about faith. " Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. " Hebrews11:1 I do not proclaim knowledge of how God is going to work this out I just know that He will. I'm just along for the ride.
Friday morning I took it to get the oil changed and tires rotated. Pretty routine right? Not in my world. Forty minutes later I receive the news that BOTH front hubs are dangerously loose and need to be replaced and in the process of changing the oil a significant oil leak was found in my front gasket. By that afternoon both issues were fixed and I was on the road again. Saturday morning I went out to finish my Christmas shopping . Upon pulling back into the driveway the low oil pressure light came on and started a very annoying dinging sound. I went back out later around lunch time, stopped at a gas station and noticed anti freeze dripping from the bottom. I had reached my limit and announced to my husband that I was done, just done.
For the rest of that day I scoured the internet for cars. I no longer want to be a van mom. I want a car. Call it mid life crisis, call it whatever you want, I want a car. I have decided that I want a Dodge charger and I am pretty specific about my wants. I want it to be gray or silver. I want a sunroof, I want less than 100,000 miles and I want it now.We haven't made car payments in about 10 years so if I am gonna be paying that much for something I am not gonna settle for what I don't want. Unfortunately the universe is working against me.
Eric was out of town Monday and Tuesday. While he was gone I took some time to check his credit report. Good news is that his credit score is good, bad news is that in July somebody used his name and social security number to open an account at Carolina West and not pay the bill . Much of his time yesterday was spent on the phone talking to Carolina West, the collection agency where the account has been placed , the credit reporting agencies,the police department and Patterson Dodge, which by the way doesn't have what I want.They have one used charger on the lot but it is white , no sunroof, and its 6 cylinder not a hemi. In the words of my husband, having a charger without a hemi is like having a jeep without four wheel drive, what's the point? They say they can find us what we want and I would prefer to buy from them instead of going out of town. 1) Eric knows a few people over there and believes we can get a better deal and 2) I like to stay local if possible.
I don't think the oops on the credit report will stop us from getting a loan but it will perhaps slow things down. Even slower than that will be Patterson actually finding what I want and getting it here. I am normally a patient person but here's the deal.Patterson has already evaluated my van and gave us a trade in price. Last night after church we get in and crank it up. Eric gets very still and says, "do you feel that?" It was shaking, literally shaking sitting still. As soon as it went into drive the check engine light started flashing, not came on and stayed on , FLASHING ! We weren't sure if we were gonna make it home. Eric drove it to work this morning so I could drive his truck and hooked it up to see what was wrong with it. Well, according to the code its the computer. To top it all off the air bag light started flashing . I swear we need to call in a priest, this thing is possesed. It's as done as I am. So Patterson could say that they will still take it as long as we can get it there OR they could say, no deal. Trade in is void. I will NOT spend any more money on this van just to trade it because if I haven't mentioned it before... I AM DONE! As Si would say "This thangs a piece of junk ".
Having said all of that ...I am not stressed. I know that Eric will get it home this evening and we will park it in the driveway until we either take it to Patterson to trade or have call someone to pick it up for crushing. I am honestly happy that I never have to drive it again.I know that God's timing is perfect so I may not be driving a new to me car by the end of the week like I originally wanted but someday very soon I will. Yes, my friends, its all about faith. " Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. " Hebrews11:1 I do not proclaim knowledge of how God is going to work this out I just know that He will. I'm just along for the ride.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Evil
Its one day after a 20 year old man woke up, shot his mother, took 3 guns, drove to an elementary school and mowed down 28 people, 20 of them children. I am mourning, in tears, and in shock.Being a mother of 2 , I cannot imagine the terror and then heartbreak of these families that sent their children to school yesterday morning , hopefully hugging them before dropping them off, only hours later to receive the most horrible news that their children were dead. I cannot imagine the horror that these little hearts experienced and the horror that the ones left will live for years to come.
In watching the news I have heard many debates already about how we as a nation can keep this from happening again. Its the usual stuff that is talked about after a tragedy such as this. Unfortunately, this isn't the first time something like this has happened and sadly, probably not the last. Gun control? Armed security guards in every school in America? I don't have all of the answers but , hey, here's an idea.
America isn't the only country subject to violence. Only the day before , 22 children children in China were stabbed at a primary school. Let's face it, a gun or knife doesn't hurt anyone unless in the hands of evil. Let's call it what it is ...EVIL. Where does evil come from? Does it come from violent video games, violent movies or tv? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Evil comes from a heart that Satan gets a hold of and God is not allowed into to.
I will not pretend to have any information about this 20 year old man who perpetrated such a horrific act . I do not know how he was raised , whether he attended or ever has attended church , whether any one ever talked to him about God, whether any one has ever been kind to him or if he was bullied. Here is what I DO know. He did not have the love of God in his heart.There has been speculation about whether he was autistic or had a personality disorder...that's a different story for a different day.
Let's go back to evil. We know it exsists, the Bible tells us it does. So as a parent I have to ask some hard questions. I am in no way blaming this man's mother for his actions. He was an adult and for a reason that we may never be able to understand or explain, this man was evil yesterday.Do your children see you doing more right or more wrong? Do your children see you making God a priority? Do your children see you attending church? Do your children seeing you read God's word? Do your children see you pray? Do you pray for your children, and I don't mean just for their health and well being, I mean do you pray for who they are going to grow up to be? Do you talk to your children about God and the difference between right and wrong and I mean from a Biblical standard? Do they know what the word sin means? Do your children receive love from you and see you showing love to others? Do your children even know who God is?Do you talk about him? Do you set an example of what a God fearing , commandment keeping, Bible reading, praying person looks like?
Gun control, armed security guards, keeping children away from violent tv, movies, and video games aren't going to expel evil from our society. Only God can do that. Our nation as a whole has turned its back on God and his Holy Word and we wonder why someone would take a gun into an elementary school and shoot 20 children? WAKE UP people !!!! Sin is sin, plain and simple, from cursing to murder. There is no little sin and big sin. ALL sin will be judged the same. Say the word f**k in front of your children and you are teaching them that its ok to sin.Let your children catch you in a lie and you are teaching them it is ok to sin. If you are continually teaching them its ok to sin then they will grow up to believe that any sin is ok, including murder. Want to teach your kids its NOT ok to sin? DON'T SIN !!Only people FULL of God have no room left for evil. Bring your children up in such a way that there is no doubt that they have the love of God in their hearts. You may not be able to control how your neighbor's child turns out , and even if you do everything right, you will not be able to control how your own turns out, but it will not hurt to do everything in your power to make sure that yours has a head start in becoming something other than an evil person who walks into an elementary school and murders innocent children in cold blood.
In the words of Forrest Gump...thats all I have to say about that.
In watching the news I have heard many debates already about how we as a nation can keep this from happening again. Its the usual stuff that is talked about after a tragedy such as this. Unfortunately, this isn't the first time something like this has happened and sadly, probably not the last. Gun control? Armed security guards in every school in America? I don't have all of the answers but , hey, here's an idea.
America isn't the only country subject to violence. Only the day before , 22 children children in China were stabbed at a primary school. Let's face it, a gun or knife doesn't hurt anyone unless in the hands of evil. Let's call it what it is ...EVIL. Where does evil come from? Does it come from violent video games, violent movies or tv? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Evil comes from a heart that Satan gets a hold of and God is not allowed into to.
I will not pretend to have any information about this 20 year old man who perpetrated such a horrific act . I do not know how he was raised , whether he attended or ever has attended church , whether any one ever talked to him about God, whether any one has ever been kind to him or if he was bullied. Here is what I DO know. He did not have the love of God in his heart.There has been speculation about whether he was autistic or had a personality disorder...that's a different story for a different day.
Let's go back to evil. We know it exsists, the Bible tells us it does. So as a parent I have to ask some hard questions. I am in no way blaming this man's mother for his actions. He was an adult and for a reason that we may never be able to understand or explain, this man was evil yesterday.Do your children see you doing more right or more wrong? Do your children see you making God a priority? Do your children see you attending church? Do your children seeing you read God's word? Do your children see you pray? Do you pray for your children, and I don't mean just for their health and well being, I mean do you pray for who they are going to grow up to be? Do you talk to your children about God and the difference between right and wrong and I mean from a Biblical standard? Do they know what the word sin means? Do your children receive love from you and see you showing love to others? Do your children even know who God is?Do you talk about him? Do you set an example of what a God fearing , commandment keeping, Bible reading, praying person looks like?
Gun control, armed security guards, keeping children away from violent tv, movies, and video games aren't going to expel evil from our society. Only God can do that. Our nation as a whole has turned its back on God and his Holy Word and we wonder why someone would take a gun into an elementary school and shoot 20 children? WAKE UP people !!!! Sin is sin, plain and simple, from cursing to murder. There is no little sin and big sin. ALL sin will be judged the same. Say the word f**k in front of your children and you are teaching them that its ok to sin.Let your children catch you in a lie and you are teaching them it is ok to sin. If you are continually teaching them its ok to sin then they will grow up to believe that any sin is ok, including murder. Want to teach your kids its NOT ok to sin? DON'T SIN !!Only people FULL of God have no room left for evil. Bring your children up in such a way that there is no doubt that they have the love of God in their hearts. You may not be able to control how your neighbor's child turns out , and even if you do everything right, you will not be able to control how your own turns out, but it will not hurt to do everything in your power to make sure that yours has a head start in becoming something other than an evil person who walks into an elementary school and murders innocent children in cold blood.
In the words of Forrest Gump...thats all I have to say about that.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Its all about perspective
Moments ago I was thinking about how many hours I was gonna be on my feet tomorrow cooking and baking and quite honestly dreading it. I took in a deep breath and blew it out apparently a little too loudly because my husband asked me what was wrong. My response was just thinking about all I have to do tomorrow. After that it only took me a minute or so before I checked myself and changed my heart. This happens to me on almost a daily basis, this inner struggle within my heart to see things differently.
Take laundry for example. I HATE laundry. I average 7 to 8 loads of laundry every week. It is never ending and such a tedious task. I catch myself fussing at my children if I see them change into clean clothes when they get home from school because I know when they get ready for bed those clothes will end up in the dirty clothes basket along with the clothes they wore earlier in the day therefore creating double the amount of clothes for me to wash. More often than not as I am folding or putting that very same laundry away in closets and drawers I find myself thinking about how blessed I am to have a husband and children to dirty clothes. If I lived alone I could probably get the loads down to 2 or 3 a week but oh how much I would miss out on. The love and joy those three bring into my life by far make up for the work of washing, drying, folding, and putting away. See how that works? Its all about perspective.
Back to tomorrow. Thansgiving is a day we set aside to take stock of what we have to be thankful for. Hopefully all of us are thankful every day for what God blesses us with. I guess it doesn't hurt though for a whole entire day to be dedicated to doing just that. So yes, I am going to be in my kitchen for hours tomorrow cooking and baking. I have two meals to prepare for. One at lunch time and the other in the evening so after spending hours in the kitchen there is the task of loading it up and driving to and back from our mutiple destinations.How blessed I am to have enough family to have 2 meals on Thanksgiving day instead of just one. How blessed I am to have a well stocked kitchen and appliances that work. How blessed I am to have a running vehicle to get us to where we need to be. How blessed I am to have my husband here with me instead of half the globe away . How blessed I am to be physically able to do everything on my to do list for tomorrow. How blessed we all are when we take the time to really think about it.
May your turkey be moist, your pie be sweet, your hearts be full, and may you be surrounded by people you love.
Take laundry for example. I HATE laundry. I average 7 to 8 loads of laundry every week. It is never ending and such a tedious task. I catch myself fussing at my children if I see them change into clean clothes when they get home from school because I know when they get ready for bed those clothes will end up in the dirty clothes basket along with the clothes they wore earlier in the day therefore creating double the amount of clothes for me to wash. More often than not as I am folding or putting that very same laundry away in closets and drawers I find myself thinking about how blessed I am to have a husband and children to dirty clothes. If I lived alone I could probably get the loads down to 2 or 3 a week but oh how much I would miss out on. The love and joy those three bring into my life by far make up for the work of washing, drying, folding, and putting away. See how that works? Its all about perspective.
Back to tomorrow. Thansgiving is a day we set aside to take stock of what we have to be thankful for. Hopefully all of us are thankful every day for what God blesses us with. I guess it doesn't hurt though for a whole entire day to be dedicated to doing just that. So yes, I am going to be in my kitchen for hours tomorrow cooking and baking. I have two meals to prepare for. One at lunch time and the other in the evening so after spending hours in the kitchen there is the task of loading it up and driving to and back from our mutiple destinations.How blessed I am to have enough family to have 2 meals on Thanksgiving day instead of just one. How blessed I am to have a well stocked kitchen and appliances that work. How blessed I am to have a running vehicle to get us to where we need to be. How blessed I am to have my husband here with me instead of half the globe away . How blessed I am to be physically able to do everything on my to do list for tomorrow. How blessed we all are when we take the time to really think about it.
May your turkey be moist, your pie be sweet, your hearts be full, and may you be surrounded by people you love.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Consistent love
I have been thinking a lot about inconditional love lately , probably because I am trying more and more love that way. Its hard ! Hear me, when I love , I love big. It is easy for me to love and I am quick to forgive. We all tell those we love "I love you no matter what" and most of us truly mean it. We may indeed love someone no matter how badly they disappoint or hurt us. Here's the deal though: how many of us show love the same way in those hurt and disappointed moments as we do in the content happy moments? How many of us withold affection when we are angry ? How many of us deny forgiveness until we know the lesson has been learned? How many of us use the silent treatment or cold shoulder tactic ? Answer: not me, me, me , and ummm me. My conclusion: maybe I don't have an issue with unconditional love at all, maybe my issue is consistent love.
As a parent I know unconditional love well. All of us start out the same way...as babies. Babies are easy to love. They fit perfectly in your arms and they are easy to read. They smile when they are happy and cry when they are not. They do not have intentions yet so their actions can't hurt you in any way. Ok, maybe a really bad poopy diaper can make your eyes water and nose hair burn but you know what I mean. Its only when they get older and have words that we learn very quickly how badly that precious bundle of joy can cause us emotional pain. Then there are adults...full vocabulary and sometimes not the best of intentions.
Why is it that when we are hurt, disappointed, or angry at or by someone we feel the need to punish that someone in some way? We respond with either words that hurt them back or the above mentioned actions. The only answer I can come up with is that it is simply human nature and its out of selfishness because we are certainly not following the example set for us by our Creator.
Even though we were disobedient, sinful, and ungrateful, God loved us anyway. He loved us so much that he sent his only son to this earth to be hated, tortured , and crucified . Jesus loved us so much that he was willing to leave heaven for us knowing what was to come. Sometimes when I think about that kind of love , it is overwhelming. As parents we yell at our kids when they run across the street without looking both ways because we don't want them to get hurt. How many of us would knowingly send our kids to slaughter? How many of us would leave our cozy homes to voluntarily be tortured and killed for someone who hated us? Well God did and Jesus did. Why? Because their response to disappointment and hurt was to show love in the most incredible way. So incredible that we can't even fit it on the unconditional scale.
The more I think about it , the harder I am trying to rip a page that from that book and establish it as my standard. Responding with love is not easy and I have failed more than I have succeeded lately but I am finding that the more I put it into practice the better at it I am becoming. I can tell you that the difference it makes is worth the extra effort.
As a parent I know unconditional love well. All of us start out the same way...as babies. Babies are easy to love. They fit perfectly in your arms and they are easy to read. They smile when they are happy and cry when they are not. They do not have intentions yet so their actions can't hurt you in any way. Ok, maybe a really bad poopy diaper can make your eyes water and nose hair burn but you know what I mean. Its only when they get older and have words that we learn very quickly how badly that precious bundle of joy can cause us emotional pain. Then there are adults...full vocabulary and sometimes not the best of intentions.
Why is it that when we are hurt, disappointed, or angry at or by someone we feel the need to punish that someone in some way? We respond with either words that hurt them back or the above mentioned actions. The only answer I can come up with is that it is simply human nature and its out of selfishness because we are certainly not following the example set for us by our Creator.
Even though we were disobedient, sinful, and ungrateful, God loved us anyway. He loved us so much that he sent his only son to this earth to be hated, tortured , and crucified . Jesus loved us so much that he was willing to leave heaven for us knowing what was to come. Sometimes when I think about that kind of love , it is overwhelming. As parents we yell at our kids when they run across the street without looking both ways because we don't want them to get hurt. How many of us would knowingly send our kids to slaughter? How many of us would leave our cozy homes to voluntarily be tortured and killed for someone who hated us? Well God did and Jesus did. Why? Because their response to disappointment and hurt was to show love in the most incredible way. So incredible that we can't even fit it on the unconditional scale.
The more I think about it , the harder I am trying to rip a page that from that book and establish it as my standard. Responding with love is not easy and I have failed more than I have succeeded lately but I am finding that the more I put it into practice the better at it I am becoming. I can tell you that the difference it makes is worth the extra effort.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Stop and think
A couple of days ago I had a conversation with a sex addict. I can see some of you right now sneezing BS into your hand. I too at a time in my life thought the term "sex addiction" was something used to excuse bad behavior. I did some research on sex addiction one time and I can assure you that it is real just like drug addiction. Chemically, sex creates a "high" in the body just like certain drugs do . There are different categories of sex addiction, some of them actually involve little or no sex at all.
This particular addict was a man with a wife and children. For the biggest part of his marriage he had been actively involved in betraying his vows. It all started with simple flirting but over time escalated . In the early years of his addiction he did have sex with four other women but the guilt from those acts was driving him to think of suicide so at some point he drew a line in the sand and said no more sex. The addiction did not subside and he still found himself getting caught up in a twisted world of flirting with other women. Sex wasn't his ultimate goal , his addiction was about the seduction. Once he had "won" his conquest over to the point she would have had sex with him , the game was over.
He hated himself every minute of every day but didn't have control over his addiction, instead it controlled him. He couldn't understand how he could love his wife and still betray her over and over. Even years after the line in the sand was drawn and there wasn't any more sex, suicide was always on his mind. His mission was that his wife never ever know. He knew the pain it would cause her and he wasn't willing to put her through that. I too for a short while wondered how he could do these horrible things and at the same time really love his wife. Unfortunately that is the nature of addiction, any kind of addiction. I have a really good friend that is a recovering drug addict and have spent hours talking to her about her addiction. Addiction is mean and makes you a very selfish person. Addiction will make you do things that you thought you would never do.
The point of this blog isn't to persuade you that sex addiction is real even though I believe it is. Out of everything that he told me, this is what bothers me most : ALL of the women , including the ones he had sex with knew he was married. Some of them were married themselves. Most of them knew he had children. As a married woman with children , I find that very disturbing. I don't know how many women we are talking about, I doubt he even knows. We are talking about a approximately 12 to 13 year period of time though so the number is probably staggering.
It would very easy to look at this man and judge him to be some kind of monster . Fact is though, if not for the willing participants he found, he would not have been able to feed his addiction. Think about all of those women who willingly lined up to play his game knowing that at the very least they could be potentially breaking up a marriage. Those who knew he had children , potentially destroying a family. I find all of this very sad.
I know people cheat , men and women. The statistics are depressing. As a mom and wife, I am constantly putting my husband and children's needs and wants first. I think about my actions and how they may affect other people whether I know those people well or not. I cannot imagine messing around with another woman's husband whether he had kids or not. It scares me that more woman aren't like me. I pray for this man , his wife, and all of the women who apparently didn't think hard enough about how their actions might hurt not only another woman but the kids involved.
I guess my point is this...before you do anything, even speak, stop and think about how what you say or do may affect someone else.
This particular addict was a man with a wife and children. For the biggest part of his marriage he had been actively involved in betraying his vows. It all started with simple flirting but over time escalated . In the early years of his addiction he did have sex with four other women but the guilt from those acts was driving him to think of suicide so at some point he drew a line in the sand and said no more sex. The addiction did not subside and he still found himself getting caught up in a twisted world of flirting with other women. Sex wasn't his ultimate goal , his addiction was about the seduction. Once he had "won" his conquest over to the point she would have had sex with him , the game was over.
He hated himself every minute of every day but didn't have control over his addiction, instead it controlled him. He couldn't understand how he could love his wife and still betray her over and over. Even years after the line in the sand was drawn and there wasn't any more sex, suicide was always on his mind. His mission was that his wife never ever know. He knew the pain it would cause her and he wasn't willing to put her through that. I too for a short while wondered how he could do these horrible things and at the same time really love his wife. Unfortunately that is the nature of addiction, any kind of addiction. I have a really good friend that is a recovering drug addict and have spent hours talking to her about her addiction. Addiction is mean and makes you a very selfish person. Addiction will make you do things that you thought you would never do.
The point of this blog isn't to persuade you that sex addiction is real even though I believe it is. Out of everything that he told me, this is what bothers me most : ALL of the women , including the ones he had sex with knew he was married. Some of them were married themselves. Most of them knew he had children. As a married woman with children , I find that very disturbing. I don't know how many women we are talking about, I doubt he even knows. We are talking about a approximately 12 to 13 year period of time though so the number is probably staggering.
It would very easy to look at this man and judge him to be some kind of monster . Fact is though, if not for the willing participants he found, he would not have been able to feed his addiction. Think about all of those women who willingly lined up to play his game knowing that at the very least they could be potentially breaking up a marriage. Those who knew he had children , potentially destroying a family. I find all of this very sad.
I know people cheat , men and women. The statistics are depressing. As a mom and wife, I am constantly putting my husband and children's needs and wants first. I think about my actions and how they may affect other people whether I know those people well or not. I cannot imagine messing around with another woman's husband whether he had kids or not. It scares me that more woman aren't like me. I pray for this man , his wife, and all of the women who apparently didn't think hard enough about how their actions might hurt not only another woman but the kids involved.
I guess my point is this...before you do anything, even speak, stop and think about how what you say or do may affect someone else.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Potter and clay
This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the Lord: 2 “Go down to the potter’s house, and there I will give you my message.” 3 So I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel. 4 But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him. Jeremiah 18:1-4
Recently my preacher preached a sermon about the potter and the clay. It was so beautiful and so fitting to my life at the moment. The potter (God) puts a lump of clay upon the wheel and starts to spin it ,working it masterfully with his hands until at last we see a beautiful vessel sitting before us. Or at least to the untrained eye it looks perfect. A good potter can see and feel imperfections in a vessel that we can't. So what does the potter do? He smashes it back down and begins the task of creating a new one, a better one, a stronger one. Do you know what happens to an imperfect vessel if thrown into the fire? It explodes , and then what good is it?
A couple of weeks ago I was given some information that brought me to my knees, shook me to my core. I am not sick. I am not dying. This was something from the past that I wasn't quite sure how to handle. If you read my previous blog you know how I did handle it. There is no completely black and white answer to why this happened in the first place but now I am getting a grip on why I am only now getting this information.
God , the master potter knew. He knew that if there was ever a time in my life that I was strong enough to be cast into the fire...it is now . I am not claiming perfection, I am proclaiming my faith ! I can see how this information would have made me explode years earlier. I am not the same person spiritually that I used to be. I am new, I am better, I am stronger, and praise God I am coming out of the fire all polished and beautiful. I am a vessel ready to be filled with all the good things I am sure HE is going to fill me with.
So remember this my friends, when you are suddenly thrown into the fire...its because the potter sees no weakness and knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that you can withstand it .
Recently my preacher preached a sermon about the potter and the clay. It was so beautiful and so fitting to my life at the moment. The potter (God) puts a lump of clay upon the wheel and starts to spin it ,working it masterfully with his hands until at last we see a beautiful vessel sitting before us. Or at least to the untrained eye it looks perfect. A good potter can see and feel imperfections in a vessel that we can't. So what does the potter do? He smashes it back down and begins the task of creating a new one, a better one, a stronger one. Do you know what happens to an imperfect vessel if thrown into the fire? It explodes , and then what good is it?
A couple of weeks ago I was given some information that brought me to my knees, shook me to my core. I am not sick. I am not dying. This was something from the past that I wasn't quite sure how to handle. If you read my previous blog you know how I did handle it. There is no completely black and white answer to why this happened in the first place but now I am getting a grip on why I am only now getting this information.
God , the master potter knew. He knew that if there was ever a time in my life that I was strong enough to be cast into the fire...it is now . I am not claiming perfection, I am proclaiming my faith ! I can see how this information would have made me explode years earlier. I am not the same person spiritually that I used to be. I am new, I am better, I am stronger, and praise God I am coming out of the fire all polished and beautiful. I am a vessel ready to be filled with all the good things I am sure HE is going to fill me with.
So remember this my friends, when you are suddenly thrown into the fire...its because the potter sees no weakness and knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that you can withstand it .
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Climbing out of the hole
At this time last week I was in a hole. Of course I am not being literal here, I had not physically fallen into a hole in the earth, but it felt the same. It was dark and cold and I was trying to find a footing to climb out when all of the sudden my hole caved in on top of me. I fell to the bottom of the hole and couldn't fathom how I might climb back out. The reason why I was in that hole , the details, don't matter. Its different for all of us. Something I may handle just fine might push someone else into the same kind of hole . What matters is that when I hit the bottom, I was bruised, shaken, and scared. What matters is how I managed to stand in the darkness and begin to work my way back up to flat ground where there is sure footing and the warmth of the sunshine on my face.
I speak of my faith often. I am proud of my relationship with my Lord, its my passion, my life, and my strength. Without HIM I am nothing and most assuredly without HIM this last week I would still be curled in a fetal position at the bottom of that deep dark hole .
The first thing that I did when I hit bottom was call a friend who is also strong in faith. No matter how much faith I think I have, it doesn't hurt to have someone around who has just as much. It never hurts to have support and encouragement from someone who genuinely loves you and will pray for you. It never hurts to have someone hold your hand or give a hug while you are hurting.
The next thing I did was pray. That sounds easy but at the time I wasn't even sure what to pray for. So I had to rely on what my Bible tells me in Romans 8:26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. I prayed for hours, at times with words, at times with weeping. God knew my heart, HE felt my pain. He filled me with peace and strength to face what was ahead, the climbing out of the hole.
I will not lie, my hole was deep and it took awhile to find a foothold. There were moments when I slipped and fell back down and had to start all over again. There were moments when I froze in fear and had to shake myself back to the task at hand. Just as I thought I might be almost to the top, I would just as Peter did as he was walking out on that water to meet Jesus, doubted and had to reach for HIS hand.
For the rest of this week I have immersed myself into HIS word. I have spent hours reading my Bible, coming to an understanding as to where that hole came from and how I fell into it to begin with. I have held on to the promises contained within it to fill me with peace and strength for my days and rest for my nights.I have indeed made my way to the top of the hole and climbed out. The sunshine is warming my face and even though my legs are tired from all that climbing , they are feeling much stronger now. I haven't walked away from the hole yet. I am still standing there looking at it, amazed that I made it out alive. I pray someday very soon I can turn around and walk away never to see it again. Until then, I will continue to lean on my friends, pray, and read my Bible so that don't fall back into that very same hole again.
I speak of my faith often. I am proud of my relationship with my Lord, its my passion, my life, and my strength. Without HIM I am nothing and most assuredly without HIM this last week I would still be curled in a fetal position at the bottom of that deep dark hole .
The first thing that I did when I hit bottom was call a friend who is also strong in faith. No matter how much faith I think I have, it doesn't hurt to have someone around who has just as much. It never hurts to have support and encouragement from someone who genuinely loves you and will pray for you. It never hurts to have someone hold your hand or give a hug while you are hurting.
The next thing I did was pray. That sounds easy but at the time I wasn't even sure what to pray for. So I had to rely on what my Bible tells me in Romans 8:26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. I prayed for hours, at times with words, at times with weeping. God knew my heart, HE felt my pain. He filled me with peace and strength to face what was ahead, the climbing out of the hole.
I will not lie, my hole was deep and it took awhile to find a foothold. There were moments when I slipped and fell back down and had to start all over again. There were moments when I froze in fear and had to shake myself back to the task at hand. Just as I thought I might be almost to the top, I would just as Peter did as he was walking out on that water to meet Jesus, doubted and had to reach for HIS hand.
For the rest of this week I have immersed myself into HIS word. I have spent hours reading my Bible, coming to an understanding as to where that hole came from and how I fell into it to begin with. I have held on to the promises contained within it to fill me with peace and strength for my days and rest for my nights.I have indeed made my way to the top of the hole and climbed out. The sunshine is warming my face and even though my legs are tired from all that climbing , they are feeling much stronger now. I haven't walked away from the hole yet. I am still standing there looking at it, amazed that I made it out alive. I pray someday very soon I can turn around and walk away never to see it again. Until then, I will continue to lean on my friends, pray, and read my Bible so that don't fall back into that very same hole again.
Friday, August 10, 2012
Epic Fail
This week has sucked ! There aren't many times in my life that I have wished I could rewind and have a do-over but I do right now. Cara started running a fever and feeling bad on Sunday afternoon but by bedtime Sunday night the fever had broken and all seemed well. She felt fine most of the day Monday and she and I attended her open house . She was nervous but excited about her first day of school on Wednesday. After coming back home , her fever returned and her throat started hurting. Tuesday morning brought a trip to Mount Airy middle to pick up Ben's schedule and meet his teachers and then a trip to Northern Peds for a strep test which was positive.Cara was going to miss her first day of school. Not just any ole day of school but her first day of school at a new school. New teacher, new schedule, new classmates, new building, new everything. So while most kids there have known each other since kindergarten, she was the new kid. And while everybody was there on the first day adjusting to the fifth grade and learning where they were supposed to be and when, Cara was home with me.
I walked her into the building Thursday morning and left her in the hands of her principal who walked her to class since she had missed her first day. Around 9am I got a call from the school nurse who had Cara in her office not feeling well. Physically Cara was fine but she was having a rough morning. She had missed a bunch of information and just simply felt lost. The nurse kept her there for awhile to allow her to pull herself together before throwing her back to the wolves. By the time I picked her up, she was eating a cupcake , had made some new friends and was doing so much better. Somewhere between that moment and bedtime last night, she regressed . There was a meltdown of sorts before bed with some crying and begging me to not send her back. As a parent I hate to see my children in any kind of pain, physically or emotionally . I HATE to be the bad guy. I tried my best to reassure her that by this time next week she will have made tons of new friends and would know everything there was to know about where things are and what she was supposed to be doing, and then I sent her back to bed.
Friday morning : Ben has been out late with his daddy playing music every night this week. Some would say that is irresponsible knowing that this is his first week of school but I say he has been spending quality time with his daddy and making memories and that is more important. Anyway, I was aware that it might be hard for him to get up and had made an effort to be very patient with him. I made 4 trips into his room to rouse him and when he finally got up he was upset that he had slept so late. Mind you, I had been working to wake him for 30 minutes before his feet actualy hit the floor. Meanwhile I had been dealing with another meltdown by my other child who had apparently cried herself to sleep and had woken up with a headache and swollen eyes and didn't want to go to school. Both children made it to school on time but not without Mommy having a small breakdown in the driveway before leaving. Cara called at lunch and wanted me to bring her an Ibuprofen for the headache she still had. When I picked her up from school she said that her head had hurt all day, she had feel asleep during library time and had not felt like even eating lunch. I have to say that I was very happy to pull into the driveway with both children in the van knowing that the first week of school was officially behind us.
Cara did eat supper but I could tell that she just didn't feel good. After Eric and Ben left for Galax we talked about her headache and I believe that she just may have a migrane. I sent my child to school with a migrane! We layed down on my bed and both of us slept for 2 1/2 hours, which put us awaking at 8pm or so and then she went to her bed at 9 and hasn't gotten back up. I can only hope and pray that she feels better tomorrow morning.
Eric took yesterday and today off work so yesterday I was lazy and just kinda hung out with him. Contrary to what some may think, being a stay at home mommy and wife does not include laying around all day , watching tv, and playing on Facebook. I just couldn't stand doing nothing again all day so I did my usual thing. I swept, mopped, cleaned toilets, scrubbed the tub and shower walls, and did some laundry. Eric left the house at about 12:30 to buy some batteries and a few other things . He called around 1:00 and asked me if I wanted to go out for lunch. I turned him down ! What ? I rarely get the opportunity to go out with my husband without kids and I turn him down? I wasn't hungry so I said no . It wasn't til later that I smacked myself for that one. He had been home most of the day and I spent most of the day cleaning house and turning down a lunch date with my husband.
This whole week has been an all around epic fail. I most certainly have not earned a mommy or wife of the week award . Apparently I won't be winning the friend of the week award either because I forgot a friends birthday this week. I would use the "Facebook didn't tell me " defense but thats really not a defense at all. She had mentioned it earler this week and truth is I just plain forgot.
It is after midnight now so I can say "Thank God this week is over" . I can only pray that next week is better
I walked her into the building Thursday morning and left her in the hands of her principal who walked her to class since she had missed her first day. Around 9am I got a call from the school nurse who had Cara in her office not feeling well. Physically Cara was fine but she was having a rough morning. She had missed a bunch of information and just simply felt lost. The nurse kept her there for awhile to allow her to pull herself together before throwing her back to the wolves. By the time I picked her up, she was eating a cupcake , had made some new friends and was doing so much better. Somewhere between that moment and bedtime last night, she regressed . There was a meltdown of sorts before bed with some crying and begging me to not send her back. As a parent I hate to see my children in any kind of pain, physically or emotionally . I HATE to be the bad guy. I tried my best to reassure her that by this time next week she will have made tons of new friends and would know everything there was to know about where things are and what she was supposed to be doing, and then I sent her back to bed.
Friday morning : Ben has been out late with his daddy playing music every night this week. Some would say that is irresponsible knowing that this is his first week of school but I say he has been spending quality time with his daddy and making memories and that is more important. Anyway, I was aware that it might be hard for him to get up and had made an effort to be very patient with him. I made 4 trips into his room to rouse him and when he finally got up he was upset that he had slept so late. Mind you, I had been working to wake him for 30 minutes before his feet actualy hit the floor. Meanwhile I had been dealing with another meltdown by my other child who had apparently cried herself to sleep and had woken up with a headache and swollen eyes and didn't want to go to school. Both children made it to school on time but not without Mommy having a small breakdown in the driveway before leaving. Cara called at lunch and wanted me to bring her an Ibuprofen for the headache she still had. When I picked her up from school she said that her head had hurt all day, she had feel asleep during library time and had not felt like even eating lunch. I have to say that I was very happy to pull into the driveway with both children in the van knowing that the first week of school was officially behind us.
Cara did eat supper but I could tell that she just didn't feel good. After Eric and Ben left for Galax we talked about her headache and I believe that she just may have a migrane. I sent my child to school with a migrane! We layed down on my bed and both of us slept for 2 1/2 hours, which put us awaking at 8pm or so and then she went to her bed at 9 and hasn't gotten back up. I can only hope and pray that she feels better tomorrow morning.
Eric took yesterday and today off work so yesterday I was lazy and just kinda hung out with him. Contrary to what some may think, being a stay at home mommy and wife does not include laying around all day , watching tv, and playing on Facebook. I just couldn't stand doing nothing again all day so I did my usual thing. I swept, mopped, cleaned toilets, scrubbed the tub and shower walls, and did some laundry. Eric left the house at about 12:30 to buy some batteries and a few other things . He called around 1:00 and asked me if I wanted to go out for lunch. I turned him down ! What ? I rarely get the opportunity to go out with my husband without kids and I turn him down? I wasn't hungry so I said no . It wasn't til later that I smacked myself for that one. He had been home most of the day and I spent most of the day cleaning house and turning down a lunch date with my husband.
This whole week has been an all around epic fail. I most certainly have not earned a mommy or wife of the week award . Apparently I won't be winning the friend of the week award either because I forgot a friends birthday this week. I would use the "Facebook didn't tell me " defense but thats really not a defense at all. She had mentioned it earler this week and truth is I just plain forgot.
It is after midnight now so I can say "Thank God this week is over" . I can only pray that next week is better
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Its all good
A couple of weeks ago I posted about the company my husband works for closing down. I made the comment that I wasn't stressing about the situation but rather giving it to God and resting on HIS promises to take care of us. Several people publicly and privately have commented on the peace I have about all of this amid the chaos that this has caused in our lives.
Immediately after the closing was announced , Eric started getting job offers. Let me be clear, Eric really hasn't had to do anything. People have came to him. Finding a job wasn't going to be the issue. Finding a job in Mount Airy making the money he was making with Clark was. NONE of the jobs he was being offered didn't even come close and NONE came with ANY benefits except maybe the opportunity for overtime. Even though technically he could stay with with Clark til September, He wanted out and I can't blame him. Conditions were getting stupid and it isn't a good working environment.
I applied for a job early last week that would have solved a multitude of problems only to find out that that job wasn't open any longer. I have applied for several others and if I get an offer I will most certainly take it.
I said all of that to say this...here is the reason that I do not stress when my world gets all crazy and out of control. God answered a prayer in a massive way today. Eric was hours away from calling and accepting one of those previously offered jobs when he was offered yet another. When you give something to God and truly let him work , HE WILL come through every time. When you trust in HIM as I do HE WILL work things out even better than we would have ourselves. This job offer with bonuses will put him making MORE than he does right now and comes with benefits even though I think we have decided to buy our own private insurance after he seperates from the military in July.
When he called me I was in a public place and I just started to cry. When I hung up with my mouth open and with tears streaming down my face I took a minute and right where I was offered up a thank you to God . A couple of weeks ago I finished a post by saying "Its all good my friends, its all good." Well friends, its all good.
Immediately after the closing was announced , Eric started getting job offers. Let me be clear, Eric really hasn't had to do anything. People have came to him. Finding a job wasn't going to be the issue. Finding a job in Mount Airy making the money he was making with Clark was. NONE of the jobs he was being offered didn't even come close and NONE came with ANY benefits except maybe the opportunity for overtime. Even though technically he could stay with with Clark til September, He wanted out and I can't blame him. Conditions were getting stupid and it isn't a good working environment.
I applied for a job early last week that would have solved a multitude of problems only to find out that that job wasn't open any longer. I have applied for several others and if I get an offer I will most certainly take it.
I said all of that to say this...here is the reason that I do not stress when my world gets all crazy and out of control. God answered a prayer in a massive way today. Eric was hours away from calling and accepting one of those previously offered jobs when he was offered yet another. When you give something to God and truly let him work , HE WILL come through every time. When you trust in HIM as I do HE WILL work things out even better than we would have ourselves. This job offer with bonuses will put him making MORE than he does right now and comes with benefits even though I think we have decided to buy our own private insurance after he seperates from the military in July.
When he called me I was in a public place and I just started to cry. When I hung up with my mouth open and with tears streaming down my face I took a minute and right where I was offered up a thank you to God . A couple of weeks ago I finished a post by saying "Its all good my friends, its all good." Well friends, its all good.
14,600 Days
Well, God allowed me to awake this morning so I have officially been alive on the earth for 14,600 days. If you suck at math as I do, thats 40 years.I do not feel any older than I did yesterday but feel much older than I did say 20 years ago. I have heard that wisdom comes with age . I do not feel any smarter today than I did yesterday but I feel much smarter than I did even 2 years ago. I have spent some time over the last week pondering the 40 years of my life and I am humbled.
God chose to place me within a big family filled with love . He chose the best mommy in the whole world for me. From day one til now she has been the ONLY earthly constant in my life. Others have come and gone but she has ALWAYS been there for me, every day of my 40 years. She has taught me so much and influenced the kind of woman I would become.
Sixteen years ago I married the man that God picked out for me. He was and continues to be the love of my earthly life. Not a day goes by that I don't thank God for this man and the marriage that we have. Then God allowed me to carry not one but two babies within my body and entrusted me with beautiful, healthy children. The joy that my marriage and children have brought into my life is incomparable to any other kind of joy til I see Heaven.
Not every single one of my 14,600 days have been filled with sunshine, rainbows, and happiness. There has been heartache, heartbreak, pain, loss, and trouble but I have no regret. I thank God as much for the hurt as I do the joy because it has shaped me into who I am today. Through it all I have learned only to lean on God all the more. I have learned who I can really count on in times of need and who I can't. I have learned to appreciate what I do have instead of wanting what I don't or can't have. I have learned to love completely and unconditionally. I have learned how to truly forgive. I have learned to treasure moments that really matter. I have learned that without pain you cannot fully appreciate what joy feels like. I have learned time passes in an instant and to make the most out the time I am given. I have learned that love is the single most important possession you have and can give away. 40 years of learning and I know I am not finished.
As I have gotten older I have realized that I spend more time doing things that I want to do versus what I need to do. There will always be laundry or cleaning that needs to be done but if today is my last day upon this earth I don't want it to have been just about work and no play. As I have gotten older I have realized how much more people mean to me instead of things. I have realized that there are less things worth waiting in line for. There have been times in my life that I have had self esteem issues so probably the most important realization I have ever had was this : My father is God, I am the child of a King. I am a princess, which makes me special even if only to Him. Everything belongs to Him so when my life is over, the race has been run, and I cross the finish line, I have a pretty hefty inheritance coming my way.
I did not wake up this morning psychologically scarred because there is now a number 4 starting my age instead of a 3.I do not look back on my first 39 years and wish I had done anything differently or better. I am proud of who I am . I am the best mother, wife, daughter, sister, cousin, aunt, friend, and child of God that I can be. There are a few things that I want to accomplish before my next birthday , we'll see how that goes. I am thankful for my first 40 years and I am ready for ever how many more God chooses to give me.
God chose to place me within a big family filled with love . He chose the best mommy in the whole world for me. From day one til now she has been the ONLY earthly constant in my life. Others have come and gone but she has ALWAYS been there for me, every day of my 40 years. She has taught me so much and influenced the kind of woman I would become.
Sixteen years ago I married the man that God picked out for me. He was and continues to be the love of my earthly life. Not a day goes by that I don't thank God for this man and the marriage that we have. Then God allowed me to carry not one but two babies within my body and entrusted me with beautiful, healthy children. The joy that my marriage and children have brought into my life is incomparable to any other kind of joy til I see Heaven.
Not every single one of my 14,600 days have been filled with sunshine, rainbows, and happiness. There has been heartache, heartbreak, pain, loss, and trouble but I have no regret. I thank God as much for the hurt as I do the joy because it has shaped me into who I am today. Through it all I have learned only to lean on God all the more. I have learned who I can really count on in times of need and who I can't. I have learned to appreciate what I do have instead of wanting what I don't or can't have. I have learned to love completely and unconditionally. I have learned how to truly forgive. I have learned to treasure moments that really matter. I have learned that without pain you cannot fully appreciate what joy feels like. I have learned time passes in an instant and to make the most out the time I am given. I have learned that love is the single most important possession you have and can give away. 40 years of learning and I know I am not finished.
As I have gotten older I have realized that I spend more time doing things that I want to do versus what I need to do. There will always be laundry or cleaning that needs to be done but if today is my last day upon this earth I don't want it to have been just about work and no play. As I have gotten older I have realized how much more people mean to me instead of things. I have realized that there are less things worth waiting in line for. There have been times in my life that I have had self esteem issues so probably the most important realization I have ever had was this : My father is God, I am the child of a King. I am a princess, which makes me special even if only to Him. Everything belongs to Him so when my life is over, the race has been run, and I cross the finish line, I have a pretty hefty inheritance coming my way.
I did not wake up this morning psychologically scarred because there is now a number 4 starting my age instead of a 3.I do not look back on my first 39 years and wish I had done anything differently or better. I am proud of who I am . I am the best mother, wife, daughter, sister, cousin, aunt, friend, and child of God that I can be. There are a few things that I want to accomplish before my next birthday , we'll see how that goes. I am thankful for my first 40 years and I am ready for ever how many more God chooses to give me.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Reintegration
I have been back from the beach for almost 24 hours now and reintegration is tough. I was so tired when I got home yesterday that all I really got accomplished was unloading the car . Nothing but food items and bathroom stuff got put away. I started my morning by going out to the garden to pick beans and tomatos. A far cry from drinking my cup of coffee sitting on a balcony watching and listening to waves crash on the shore. My poor garden ! A week's worth of neglect shows. Next was cutting the beans , washing the beans, and putting a pot of beans on for supper later. The rest of my day so far has been about unpacking and putting things away.
Hear my heart...I loved snuggling up to my husband that I had missed all week and sleeping in my own bed. I loved the excitement of two little dogs that had missed their mommy all week. I AM happy to be home, I really am. I just really miss my happy place. All of my laundry was washed, dried , and folded before we even came home so I resorted to sticking my head into the beach bag this morning in an attempt to catch a whiff of saltiness that can only be found oceanfront. I miss the roar of the ocean. I miss the sight of waves crashing on the sand. I miss not having anything better to do than lounging at the pool or sitting in the sand looking for shells.I miss not seeing my mom's smiling face because for 7 days there were no worries. I miss the banter between my neice and her boyfriend. I miss the chats on the balcony with my brother. I miss baby Caden . I miss watching my brother enjoying his new wife and baby. I miss everything about last week !
I do this everytime I leave . It takes about a week for my brain to accept that I am home , vacation is over, and now its all just a memory. Memories...I made a ton of them . I can't thank my brother Chris and his wife Candy enough for having the idea for a family vacation and making it happen. Until last week, it had been 2 summers since I had spent time at a beach. Hopefully it will not be another 2 years before I see my happy place again.
Hear my heart...I loved snuggling up to my husband that I had missed all week and sleeping in my own bed. I loved the excitement of two little dogs that had missed their mommy all week. I AM happy to be home, I really am. I just really miss my happy place. All of my laundry was washed, dried , and folded before we even came home so I resorted to sticking my head into the beach bag this morning in an attempt to catch a whiff of saltiness that can only be found oceanfront. I miss the roar of the ocean. I miss the sight of waves crashing on the sand. I miss not having anything better to do than lounging at the pool or sitting in the sand looking for shells.I miss not seeing my mom's smiling face because for 7 days there were no worries. I miss the banter between my neice and her boyfriend. I miss the chats on the balcony with my brother. I miss baby Caden . I miss watching my brother enjoying his new wife and baby. I miss everything about last week !
I do this everytime I leave . It takes about a week for my brain to accept that I am home , vacation is over, and now its all just a memory. Memories...I made a ton of them . I can't thank my brother Chris and his wife Candy enough for having the idea for a family vacation and making it happen. Until last week, it had been 2 summers since I had spent time at a beach. Hopefully it will not be another 2 years before I see my happy place again.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
My love/hate relationship with Myrtle Beach
I realize that that most of you LOVE Myrtle Beach so I am probably getting ready to ruffle a few feathers. A couple of months ago my brother, Chris, had a brilliant idea to plan a gigantic family beach vacation. Him, his wife, and brand new baby, his older daughter, her boyfriend , and my crew, 7 days at Myrtle Beach. Carolina Beach has been my beach of choice for many years but I was all for it if it meant spending that much time with members of my family that I don't get to spend alot of time with. I had not been to Myrtle for 20 years or so and didn't quite know what to expect. Well, crowded much?
I am not sure what the draw is. Everywhere you go and everything you do is way overpriced. Yet, thousands of people swarm there like its the only beach on the east coast. And when I say thousands, I believe that all of those thousands were staying within a quarter mile of us. By 7 am the beach in front of the condo complex was full, each person claiming their stake of property for the day like it was the wild west. I don't mean a towel , beachbag, and a chair. I mean huge canopies that had to be staked in the ground and a days worth of towels, chairs, drinks, toys, and God only knows what else as if the condo was a mile up the beach . By 8 am you were hard pressed to find an unpopulated spot of sand big enough to build a sand castle. It would stay that way until at least after 6 pm and I think it must have been supper time and they were afraid they wouldn't get back before 8pm when all canapoies had to be taken down.
The pool and lazy river weren't much better. Both opened at 9 am and by 9:05 all beach chairs had towels in them even though there was a sign at each claming that towels wouldn't reserve a chair and would be removed if you weren't in the pool area. That was a big fat lie. So here is how it worked, Go to the beach at 7 am and set up your canopy, hurry back to claim your spot at the pool and spend your day going back and forth between the two without having to give up a spot and therefore leaving some to not have a pool chair even though you were down on the beach .
So, I apparently don't like crowds. Can you tell? I have another beef . For two months I looked forward to strolling down to the beach a couple of mornings and watch the sunrise. Ha ! Jokes on me. The sun did rise, every morning it did, just not the picture perfect sunrise I expected. I am used to watching the sun come up against the back drop of the ocean. Imagine my disappointment when it came up behind the many high rise buildings at the end of the beach. What?
I guess you can say I am not a Myrtle beach fan. I hate the roads you have to drive to get there. I hate the traffic. I hate the crowds. I hate the prices. Give me Carolina, Wrightsville, or Kure beach any day. Straight shot down 40 , cleaner and less populated beaches, more reasonable prices, and a more family friendly astmosphere. Oh and a sun that rises over the ocean. Having said all of that, I loved my vacation. I was with my family and family is very important to me. I loved just sitting around and chatting with my new sister in law and getting to know her better. Chris and I spent time on the balcony every day laughing as we watched people chase their canopies, umbrellas, and boogie boards down the beach, especially three days last week when the wind was so stupid that it would sting your legs if you were crazy enough to go down there. I got some baby Caden time, love that little guy. I enjoyed meeting my niece's boyfriend and spending time with her. It had been way too long. I cherished countless hours with my mom even shopping with her for 4 hours one afternoon. Eric was originally scheduled to come down on Wednesday because he couldn't take the whole week off and ended up having to work instead. So I missed having him there but had many hours of play time with my children.
I worked just as much there as I do at home. I cooked, cleaned, and did laundry almost every day but the difference is that when the chores were finished I got to sit on the balcony and watch the waves crash on the shore or sit in the sand and dig for shells. That was my down time and I spent hours doing both. The condo was nice, big, comfortable, and because we had a washer and dryer I only brought home 6 articles of dirty laundry. We had an incredible view of the beach. I would not choose Myrtle as my favorite beach but I did cry as I watched Cara stand on the shore this morning with her feet in the water. I cried again as I locked the condo door behind me this morning for the last time. I fought tears as we drove away from Ocean Drive. It wasn't that I didn't want to come home. I just didn't want to leave. And yes there is a difference.
I am not sure what the draw is. Everywhere you go and everything you do is way overpriced. Yet, thousands of people swarm there like its the only beach on the east coast. And when I say thousands, I believe that all of those thousands were staying within a quarter mile of us. By 7 am the beach in front of the condo complex was full, each person claiming their stake of property for the day like it was the wild west. I don't mean a towel , beachbag, and a chair. I mean huge canopies that had to be staked in the ground and a days worth of towels, chairs, drinks, toys, and God only knows what else as if the condo was a mile up the beach . By 8 am you were hard pressed to find an unpopulated spot of sand big enough to build a sand castle. It would stay that way until at least after 6 pm and I think it must have been supper time and they were afraid they wouldn't get back before 8pm when all canapoies had to be taken down.
The pool and lazy river weren't much better. Both opened at 9 am and by 9:05 all beach chairs had towels in them even though there was a sign at each claming that towels wouldn't reserve a chair and would be removed if you weren't in the pool area. That was a big fat lie. So here is how it worked, Go to the beach at 7 am and set up your canopy, hurry back to claim your spot at the pool and spend your day going back and forth between the two without having to give up a spot and therefore leaving some to not have a pool chair even though you were down on the beach .
So, I apparently don't like crowds. Can you tell? I have another beef . For two months I looked forward to strolling down to the beach a couple of mornings and watch the sunrise. Ha ! Jokes on me. The sun did rise, every morning it did, just not the picture perfect sunrise I expected. I am used to watching the sun come up against the back drop of the ocean. Imagine my disappointment when it came up behind the many high rise buildings at the end of the beach. What?
I guess you can say I am not a Myrtle beach fan. I hate the roads you have to drive to get there. I hate the traffic. I hate the crowds. I hate the prices. Give me Carolina, Wrightsville, or Kure beach any day. Straight shot down 40 , cleaner and less populated beaches, more reasonable prices, and a more family friendly astmosphere. Oh and a sun that rises over the ocean. Having said all of that, I loved my vacation. I was with my family and family is very important to me. I loved just sitting around and chatting with my new sister in law and getting to know her better. Chris and I spent time on the balcony every day laughing as we watched people chase their canopies, umbrellas, and boogie boards down the beach, especially three days last week when the wind was so stupid that it would sting your legs if you were crazy enough to go down there. I got some baby Caden time, love that little guy. I enjoyed meeting my niece's boyfriend and spending time with her. It had been way too long. I cherished countless hours with my mom even shopping with her for 4 hours one afternoon. Eric was originally scheduled to come down on Wednesday because he couldn't take the whole week off and ended up having to work instead. So I missed having him there but had many hours of play time with my children.
I worked just as much there as I do at home. I cooked, cleaned, and did laundry almost every day but the difference is that when the chores were finished I got to sit on the balcony and watch the waves crash on the shore or sit in the sand and dig for shells. That was my down time and I spent hours doing both. The condo was nice, big, comfortable, and because we had a washer and dryer I only brought home 6 articles of dirty laundry. We had an incredible view of the beach. I would not choose Myrtle as my favorite beach but I did cry as I watched Cara stand on the shore this morning with her feet in the water. I cried again as I locked the condo door behind me this morning for the last time. I fought tears as we drove away from Ocean Drive. It wasn't that I didn't want to come home. I just didn't want to leave. And yes there is a difference.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Lesson learned
Last Friday me and my gang headed to Great Wolf Lodge for some family time . We booked this trip months ago before I had beach plans of any kind. I thought about cancelling after I made beach plans but Eric isn't going to be able to go with us for the whole week so I kept the Lodge plans. This is the second time we have been to the Great Wolf Lodge and this trip was a little different. The last time we were there it was a Sunday in October. Lesson learned, note to self...do not go in the summer or on a Friday. It was WAY too crowded for my taste. Here is what happens in crowds.Not only are there long lines for everything you want to do, some people seem to think they are the only ones there. You know the type, why should they have to wait in line, after all they are special.Then there are the ones that stand in front of a door chatting with a friend, well excuse me, I need to go through that door.
Another thing I noticed was that the 84 degrees climate controlled water park feels a whole lot more comfortable in October than when it is 100 degrees outside. I am not sure who came up with the idea that 84 degrees is comfortable in a place that holds 380,000 gallons of water at one time but I guess the word "humidity" didn't cross their minds.I personally think that any temp over about 75 degrees is hot but nobody asked me. Sweat was definitely an issue this weekend.
I realized this weekend that I am either getting old or out of shape. All those steps to the water slides have just about killed my knees. I had to take more sitting rests than last time. All that sitting gave me plenty time to people watch. I love to people watch especially at the pool. I am continually amazed at what some people consider appropriate public swimwear attire. I wrote about this one time already ( refer to my Facebook note ) so I won't get into it but I will say this...I thorougly enjoyed watching this one woman in particular get sopping wet because she didn't realize that the clanging noise meant that 1000 gallons of water was getting ready to fall from the sky just above her. That cute flippy hair, perfectly made up face, and $120 swimsuit with the fashionable scarf didn't stand a chance.
Despite the crowds, heat, and numerous disrespectful people, I enjoyed spending time with the 3 people I love most on this earth.The kids are already asking when we can go again. I am thinking a Monday perhaps in November. Lession learned.
Another thing I noticed was that the 84 degrees climate controlled water park feels a whole lot more comfortable in October than when it is 100 degrees outside. I am not sure who came up with the idea that 84 degrees is comfortable in a place that holds 380,000 gallons of water at one time but I guess the word "humidity" didn't cross their minds.I personally think that any temp over about 75 degrees is hot but nobody asked me. Sweat was definitely an issue this weekend.
I realized this weekend that I am either getting old or out of shape. All those steps to the water slides have just about killed my knees. I had to take more sitting rests than last time. All that sitting gave me plenty time to people watch. I love to people watch especially at the pool. I am continually amazed at what some people consider appropriate public swimwear attire. I wrote about this one time already ( refer to my Facebook note ) so I won't get into it but I will say this...I thorougly enjoyed watching this one woman in particular get sopping wet because she didn't realize that the clanging noise meant that 1000 gallons of water was getting ready to fall from the sky just above her. That cute flippy hair, perfectly made up face, and $120 swimsuit with the fashionable scarf didn't stand a chance.
Despite the crowds, heat, and numerous disrespectful people, I enjoyed spending time with the 3 people I love most on this earth.The kids are already asking when we can go again. I am thinking a Monday perhaps in November. Lession learned.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Shout out from me to you
Rarely am I so impressed with customer service that I feel the need to share. This is my public shout out to Kings Garage in Mount Airy NC, the only place I will take my van for repairs since last summer.Last April the A/C went out in my van and with a trip to Disney looming we were desperate to get the cool air blowing. I spent over $600 in the next 4 weeks with 2 different garages trying to get the issue resolved. Frustrating is the only word I can use to describe the feeling every time we would leave and a couple of days later hot air would greet us when we flipped the switch. We did make it to Florida with cold air but the freon only lasted to get us halfway home. Finally in August I tried one last time to have the issue diagnosed and was successful but by then was out of money and we were coming up on Fall so I just gave up. That was also around the time that something else went wrong with the van and being fed up with almost everyone in town , I took it to Kings, a new experience for me. I sat in that garage all day , (my birthday) but Gray tirelessly worked until the problem was fixed and only charged me for the parts with labor as my birthday gift. While I was there that day I asked him to price the work that needed to be done on the A/C and told him I would bring it back this Spring.
Spring arrived and for 3 day Gray worked til I had cold air blowing. . I am still amazed every time I get in and start it up that there is cold, not hot air blowing from the vents. Shortly after I realized the signal and dash lights weren't working so I took it back. Gray took the whole entire dash back out and fixed the issue and because it was something he forgot to hook back up, he didn't charge me a dime. Fast forward to about 3 weeks ago. One day I noticed that my floorboard was wet and at the time just figured that one of the kids had spilled something. About a week later I realized that the spot wasn't drying, in fact it was becoming a puddle. I did some research online but there was several possibilities. Back to Kings I went making the third trip in as many months
My van was there all day yesterday and all day today. I cannot be positive about the number of labor hours that was spent this time but when I went to pick it up this evening Gray just said " the keys are in it and its ready to go." He didn't charge me a dime. There was a condensation hose that was clogged . Maybe the issue was caused by something he had done while repairing one of the two earlier issues but there is no way to know that for sure.My point is this....he could have said it was any number of things . He could have told me that it had nothing to do with anything he had done and I nor anyone else would have ever known the difference. He could have charged me for two days of labor but he did not. Thank God there are still honest people in this world that you can count on. So for all my Mount Airy and surrounding area friends...Kings garage ROCKS !
Spring arrived and for 3 day Gray worked til I had cold air blowing. . I am still amazed every time I get in and start it up that there is cold, not hot air blowing from the vents. Shortly after I realized the signal and dash lights weren't working so I took it back. Gray took the whole entire dash back out and fixed the issue and because it was something he forgot to hook back up, he didn't charge me a dime. Fast forward to about 3 weeks ago. One day I noticed that my floorboard was wet and at the time just figured that one of the kids had spilled something. About a week later I realized that the spot wasn't drying, in fact it was becoming a puddle. I did some research online but there was several possibilities. Back to Kings I went making the third trip in as many months
My van was there all day yesterday and all day today. I cannot be positive about the number of labor hours that was spent this time but when I went to pick it up this evening Gray just said " the keys are in it and its ready to go." He didn't charge me a dime. There was a condensation hose that was clogged . Maybe the issue was caused by something he had done while repairing one of the two earlier issues but there is no way to know that for sure.My point is this....he could have said it was any number of things . He could have told me that it had nothing to do with anything he had done and I nor anyone else would have ever known the difference. He could have charged me for two days of labor but he did not. Thank God there are still honest people in this world that you can count on. So for all my Mount Airy and surrounding area friends...Kings garage ROCKS !
Monday, June 11, 2012
Perfect timing
At around 8am this morning my husband called me to discuss insurance. Usually I would not like being woke up but this time it was actually a relief to escape a really stupid, random dream I was having. I don't usually remember dreams so I have to share.
I was in California. I am not sure why California because I have never even wanted to visit California. I do have some friends that are visiting there this week so maybe that has something to do with the location. So I am in California in this house, not just any house its the house that we lived in before we moved into the house we are in now. Yeah, that house was in Beulah, NC so I am not sure how it got to California. Apparently I am moving into that house because my mom was there helping me unpack. I have never wanted to even visit that state much less live there and my mom who lives in NC is there helping me unpack? I am looking for a phone jack to plug the phone up when my cell phone rings. Its my friend Celeste , and obviously she is the person who sold me the house because she is asking me if I have checked out the additions to the house. By the way, Celeste lives in Florida and I guess I didn't even look at the house before I bought it?
When we lived in this house before it had six tiny rooms, the kitchen, the living room , a hotel sized bathroom and 3 bedrooms. I am not exaggerating about the bathroom. I could sit on the toilet, hang my leg over into the tub, and lean over to wash my hands in the sink all at the same time. My bedroom was barely big enough to hold a double bed and a dresser. So upon hearing of additions, I became excited and took off to find that she had added on to the three bedrooms and made then about triple the size and added a huge bathroom with a jacuzzi tub. I was so happy that I was in tears. As I am standing there in awe I hear my son yelling at me from the backyard.
I rush outside to see him standing on this platform that is slightly raised from the ground and on top of it is a toilet and a sink. It looks like maybe the beginnings of a bathroom that had not been closed in. He says , "Hey mom, what is this?" I reply that maybe it is a washroom , you know maybe a place to clean up before coming inside. I bend down to flush the toilet which by the way is plastic instead of porcelain. It makes the really weird farting sound and splashed water back up at me. As I am trying to figure this out I hear this motor come roaring to life and then hear Ben yell , "Cool. ". I whip around to see that the sink is equipped with this button and a steering wheel of sorts. Before I can yell anything we are moving. Ben is driving us through the yard. I start screaming at him to stop and as usual he doesn't do what I say. All of the sudden we are on the street.
I am on a portable bathroom being driven down a street in California by my 11 year old son. We are coming up to a stop sign and I am screaming at him that I am gonna be arrested and thats it rush hour, traffic is bad, and does he even know where the brakes are? He is just whooping it up and yelling that its going to be ok. I grab on to him and dig my fingernails into his arm and then my husband called and woke me up. The end.
I was in California. I am not sure why California because I have never even wanted to visit California. I do have some friends that are visiting there this week so maybe that has something to do with the location. So I am in California in this house, not just any house its the house that we lived in before we moved into the house we are in now. Yeah, that house was in Beulah, NC so I am not sure how it got to California. Apparently I am moving into that house because my mom was there helping me unpack. I have never wanted to even visit that state much less live there and my mom who lives in NC is there helping me unpack? I am looking for a phone jack to plug the phone up when my cell phone rings. Its my friend Celeste , and obviously she is the person who sold me the house because she is asking me if I have checked out the additions to the house. By the way, Celeste lives in Florida and I guess I didn't even look at the house before I bought it?
When we lived in this house before it had six tiny rooms, the kitchen, the living room , a hotel sized bathroom and 3 bedrooms. I am not exaggerating about the bathroom. I could sit on the toilet, hang my leg over into the tub, and lean over to wash my hands in the sink all at the same time. My bedroom was barely big enough to hold a double bed and a dresser. So upon hearing of additions, I became excited and took off to find that she had added on to the three bedrooms and made then about triple the size and added a huge bathroom with a jacuzzi tub. I was so happy that I was in tears. As I am standing there in awe I hear my son yelling at me from the backyard.
I rush outside to see him standing on this platform that is slightly raised from the ground and on top of it is a toilet and a sink. It looks like maybe the beginnings of a bathroom that had not been closed in. He says , "Hey mom, what is this?" I reply that maybe it is a washroom , you know maybe a place to clean up before coming inside. I bend down to flush the toilet which by the way is plastic instead of porcelain. It makes the really weird farting sound and splashed water back up at me. As I am trying to figure this out I hear this motor come roaring to life and then hear Ben yell , "Cool. ". I whip around to see that the sink is equipped with this button and a steering wheel of sorts. Before I can yell anything we are moving. Ben is driving us through the yard. I start screaming at him to stop and as usual he doesn't do what I say. All of the sudden we are on the street.
I am on a portable bathroom being driven down a street in California by my 11 year old son. We are coming up to a stop sign and I am screaming at him that I am gonna be arrested and thats it rush hour, traffic is bad, and does he even know where the brakes are? He is just whooping it up and yelling that its going to be ok. I grab on to him and dig my fingernails into his arm and then my husband called and woke me up. The end.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Beach, beach, beach...it doesn't get better than this !
Earlier this year the company that Eric worked for announced it was closing its doors. As a result he is now working for a different company. Having just being there since the beginning of April, we didn't plan a long vacation for the summer. I just figured we would take some long weekends at some fun places and fill the summer with short vacations and the beach was definitely out of the question til at least fall.
Anybody who knows me even a little bit knows how much I love the beach. Sitting on the sand, watching the waves roll in, and breathing in the salt air soothes my soul. I can't think of anywhere else that I can go and see so many of God's spectacular creations all in one place. The last time we saw the beach was 2009 and it was a trip that I will never forget. Eric was deployed and planned his two week leave to coincide with our vacation. We kept it a secret from the kids and some friends graciously picked him up from the airport and drove him to us. The reunion went off without a hitch and we enjoyed our vacation with him.
This summer I am again taking a trip that I consider a beach vacation of a lifetime. My mom mentioned to my brother that she would like to go to the beach this year but wasn't going to because she didn't want to go by herself. He got the brilliant idea for us all to go together. Mom, me and my brood, my brother, his wife and brand new baby, and my neice and her boyfriend. Big condo, split the cost. Oh my gosh , its really gonna happen. I am spending 7 days at the beach mid July !
It just does not get better than this. I get to spend 7 glorious days at my favorite place on earth with my favorite people. Mom really really needs this vacation. She so needs to get away from the stresses of home right now. By the time we leave my brother and his wife will have a brand new baby and I get 7 days to oooh and ahhh over him and get to know him. Because of location, I haven't spent a great deal of time with my new sister-in-law so I get to spend some time with her too. I haven't got to vacation with my brother since we were teens so this should be interesting . My neice who I rarely get to see is coming too and I am loving that . Until a couple of weeks ago that would have been impossible for several different reasons but God is good and worked that out just in time. Add in my hubby and my babies and I feel a little overwhelmed and over the top blessed. The word excited doesn't even begin to cover the emotions in my soul.
Of course I see a few sleepless nights in my near future. I am a planner , a list maker by nature. I have already started making lists of things I can't forget to take. Number one on my list is my Keurig ...I refuse to go seven days without good coffee. So friends, I am off to make a list. May your day be as happy as mine !
Anybody who knows me even a little bit knows how much I love the beach. Sitting on the sand, watching the waves roll in, and breathing in the salt air soothes my soul. I can't think of anywhere else that I can go and see so many of God's spectacular creations all in one place. The last time we saw the beach was 2009 and it was a trip that I will never forget. Eric was deployed and planned his two week leave to coincide with our vacation. We kept it a secret from the kids and some friends graciously picked him up from the airport and drove him to us. The reunion went off without a hitch and we enjoyed our vacation with him.
This summer I am again taking a trip that I consider a beach vacation of a lifetime. My mom mentioned to my brother that she would like to go to the beach this year but wasn't going to because she didn't want to go by herself. He got the brilliant idea for us all to go together. Mom, me and my brood, my brother, his wife and brand new baby, and my neice and her boyfriend. Big condo, split the cost. Oh my gosh , its really gonna happen. I am spending 7 days at the beach mid July !
It just does not get better than this. I get to spend 7 glorious days at my favorite place on earth with my favorite people. Mom really really needs this vacation. She so needs to get away from the stresses of home right now. By the time we leave my brother and his wife will have a brand new baby and I get 7 days to oooh and ahhh over him and get to know him. Because of location, I haven't spent a great deal of time with my new sister-in-law so I get to spend some time with her too. I haven't got to vacation with my brother since we were teens so this should be interesting . My neice who I rarely get to see is coming too and I am loving that . Until a couple of weeks ago that would have been impossible for several different reasons but God is good and worked that out just in time. Add in my hubby and my babies and I feel a little overwhelmed and over the top blessed. The word excited doesn't even begin to cover the emotions in my soul.
Of course I see a few sleepless nights in my near future. I am a planner , a list maker by nature. I have already started making lists of things I can't forget to take. Number one on my list is my Keurig ...I refuse to go seven days without good coffee. So friends, I am off to make a list. May your day be as happy as mine !
Monday, May 14, 2012
Not what we want, but what we need
I know, I know. God gives us what we need, not necessarily what we want. Apparently God is of the opinion that we need rain and by the looks of things , a massive amount of it. Yes, rain is life giving. It is also not my favorite thing right now. For the second year in a row, rain makes my already miserable allergies even worse. I struggled to maintain 3 days last week and started feeling better just yesterday only to start all over again this morning. Allergies are just one reason why I am rain hating right now.
Ben had a baseball game scheduled for tonight and it is obvious that its not gonna happen. It will be rescheduled and I can only hope that the make up game isn't this coming Saturday. Friday is my anniversary and Saturday is a planned get away for me and my man. We do not get a lot of time together and most definitely not weekends so we really need this time together.
Other than the allergies and possible weekend disaster, I had to make a trip to Walmart this morning. There are few things I hate more than laundry but Walmart tops the list.Do you know how hard it is to juggle a shopping cart, umbrella, and car keys all at the same time? I hate Walmart on a sunny day but HATE doesn't even begin to describe my reaction to trudging through the parking lot in drenching rain , loading my van full of wet bags and unloading them at home in the same drenching rain carrying an umbrella in one hand and bags in the other. Uuuuggghhh, what a mess !
So , thank you God for the water falling from the sky. I am sure the grass, flowers, and garden appreciate it . Forgive me for not loving those precious wet drops you are freely giving today, maybe after allergy season is over I can get back on board .
Ben had a baseball game scheduled for tonight and it is obvious that its not gonna happen. It will be rescheduled and I can only hope that the make up game isn't this coming Saturday. Friday is my anniversary and Saturday is a planned get away for me and my man. We do not get a lot of time together and most definitely not weekends so we really need this time together.
Other than the allergies and possible weekend disaster, I had to make a trip to Walmart this morning. There are few things I hate more than laundry but Walmart tops the list.Do you know how hard it is to juggle a shopping cart, umbrella, and car keys all at the same time? I hate Walmart on a sunny day but HATE doesn't even begin to describe my reaction to trudging through the parking lot in drenching rain , loading my van full of wet bags and unloading them at home in the same drenching rain carrying an umbrella in one hand and bags in the other. Uuuuggghhh, what a mess !
So , thank you God for the water falling from the sky. I am sure the grass, flowers, and garden appreciate it . Forgive me for not loving those precious wet drops you are freely giving today, maybe after allergy season is over I can get back on board .
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Can I get an amen?
I voted this morning like all american citizens should do and it was easy, in and out. Nobody was standing around trying to sway me either way which kind of surprised me but I was grateful.Next on my list was Walmart, oh how I hate that place.I was rounding the dairy aisle just as an older man very loudly started speaking to another older man about God and how God was always on time and God had never let him down. My immediate thought was "Bless him for being so vocal about his love for God ". Then he opened his mouth again and spewed something that left me feeling physically ill.
"Yep, I just went to vote, one woman , one man. Thats how God meant it to be. Yep, preached a sermon at a church this Sunday on the very subject. Must have made some people mad though cause some of em got up and left. Guess they don't like the truth. Told em how we needed to weed those gays outta our churches. It just ain't right for us real christians to have to sit beside those people." And that is when I walked far enough away so that I could no longer hear his voice for fear that I would cause a disturbance.
Am I the one missing something here? Somebody please correct me if I am wrong. Was Jesus not sent to this earth to save sinners? Did he not surround himself with some of the worst sinners? Did he not share meals with sinners? Did he not when given the opportunity to condemn a sinner reply " He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." ? Did he not say " I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance."?
1 John 4 :8-9 clearly states "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." So , if based upon the information in your Bible, you believe someone to be a sinner is it not your responsibility to love them enough to share what you know so that they be saved instead of condemned to hell? Can someone please explain to me how "weeding out " the sinners and getting "them" outta church is going to accomplish that? If you know and love God then you have the heart of God. I for one can't find anywhere in my Bible where it says that God wants anyone to go to hell, can you? There are many sins that enter our church doors, which ones do we allow in and which ones do we throw out? 1 John 1:8-10says"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us." So what are we to do then? If everyone is a sinner then I guess nobody is fit enough to grace the pew?
Thank you God for loving me, a sinner, someone who will never be perfect but who strives to have your heart daily. Please never allow me to utter hate but instead let my words always be love. Thank you God for placing me in a church where your Word is preached , nothing more, nothing less.Thank you God for being merciful and gracious even when I deserve much less. Thank you God for Jesus who gave us the perfect example of how we should be and was willing to die for me, a sinner, yes a sinner, so that I can have everlasting life by your throne.
"Yep, I just went to vote, one woman , one man. Thats how God meant it to be. Yep, preached a sermon at a church this Sunday on the very subject. Must have made some people mad though cause some of em got up and left. Guess they don't like the truth. Told em how we needed to weed those gays outta our churches. It just ain't right for us real christians to have to sit beside those people." And that is when I walked far enough away so that I could no longer hear his voice for fear that I would cause a disturbance.
Am I the one missing something here? Somebody please correct me if I am wrong. Was Jesus not sent to this earth to save sinners? Did he not surround himself with some of the worst sinners? Did he not share meals with sinners? Did he not when given the opportunity to condemn a sinner reply " He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." ? Did he not say " I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance."?
1 John 4 :8-9 clearly states "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." So , if based upon the information in your Bible, you believe someone to be a sinner is it not your responsibility to love them enough to share what you know so that they be saved instead of condemned to hell? Can someone please explain to me how "weeding out " the sinners and getting "them" outta church is going to accomplish that? If you know and love God then you have the heart of God. I for one can't find anywhere in my Bible where it says that God wants anyone to go to hell, can you? There are many sins that enter our church doors, which ones do we allow in and which ones do we throw out? 1 John 1:8-10says"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us." So what are we to do then? If everyone is a sinner then I guess nobody is fit enough to grace the pew?
Thank you God for loving me, a sinner, someone who will never be perfect but who strives to have your heart daily. Please never allow me to utter hate but instead let my words always be love. Thank you God for placing me in a church where your Word is preached , nothing more, nothing less.Thank you God for being merciful and gracious even when I deserve much less. Thank you God for Jesus who gave us the perfect example of how we should be and was willing to die for me, a sinner, yes a sinner, so that I can have everlasting life by your throne.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Godly Friends
Sunday morning's sermon was on being a Godly friend. When I think about being a friend , I think about what I have to give. Here is what my Bible says about giving...
Deuteronomy 15:10Give generously to him and do so without a grudging heart; then because of this the Lord your God will bless you in all your work and in everything you put your hand to.
Deuteronomy 16:17Every man shall give as he is able, according to the blessing of the LORD your God which He has given you.
Proverbs 3:27 Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it.
Proverbs 11:24-25There is one who scatters, and yet increases all the more, and there is one who withholds what is justly due, and yet it results only in want. The generous man will be prosperous, and he who waters will himself be watered.
Proverbs 21:26…the righteous gives and does not hold back.
Proverbs 28:27 He who gives to the poor will never want, but he who shuts his eyes will have many curses.
Matthew 6:3-4But when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving will be in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.
Luke 3:11And he would answer and say to them, “The man who has two tunics is to share with him who has none; and he who has food is to do likewise.”
Luke 6:30Give to everyone who asks of you, and whoever takes away what is yours, do not demand it back.
Luke 6:38Give, and it will be given to you. They will pour into your lap a good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over. For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return.
Acts 20:35In everything I showed you that by working hard in this manner you must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He Himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.
2 Corinthians 9:6-8Now this I say, he who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed.
James 2:15-16If a brother or sister is without clothing and in need of daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and be filled,” and yet you do not give them what is necessary for their body, what use is that?
There are times when I think I am doing an excellent job of giving and then there are times when I allow the world to get in the way and I am not paying attention. There are times when I have to give and times when I don't have to give. There are times when I am satisfied with what I have given and times when I desperately wish I could give more. Giving isn't always material, although more often than not my offerings are. Sometimes giving can just simply be giving of my time. Sometimes its just an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. Other times it is a hug or a kind word and a smile. Whatever the need is, if I call you friend and I have something you need I will give it.
Recently I made a meal for a friend that needed the rest more than she needed to cook. This was the second meal that I have made for her in the last 6 months or so. Two meals and a couple of FB messages here and there...thats all , nothing more. She made the comment that I had done more for her than some friends she has had for years. My immediate thought was , "how sad".Perhaps she didn't ask for help but part of a friends job is to pay attention and be involved enough to recognize the struggle and come to their aid. It made me sit back and take a count of those I count on and to take the time to thank God for each and every one. I am so fortunate to have an abundance of people to draw from if I am the one on need.
Oh God, please help me to be a good friend. Help me to always anticipate the needs of others and allow me to give generously from what I have to give. Use me in whatever capacity you see fit and please only allow me to do what would be pleasing to you.
Deuteronomy 15:10Give generously to him and do so without a grudging heart; then because of this the Lord your God will bless you in all your work and in everything you put your hand to.
Deuteronomy 16:17Every man shall give as he is able, according to the blessing of the LORD your God which He has given you.
Proverbs 3:27 Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it.
Proverbs 11:24-25There is one who scatters, and yet increases all the more, and there is one who withholds what is justly due, and yet it results only in want. The generous man will be prosperous, and he who waters will himself be watered.
Proverbs 21:26…the righteous gives and does not hold back.
Proverbs 28:27 He who gives to the poor will never want, but he who shuts his eyes will have many curses.
Matthew 6:3-4But when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving will be in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.
Luke 3:11And he would answer and say to them, “The man who has two tunics is to share with him who has none; and he who has food is to do likewise.”
Luke 6:30Give to everyone who asks of you, and whoever takes away what is yours, do not demand it back.
Luke 6:38Give, and it will be given to you. They will pour into your lap a good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over. For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return.
Acts 20:35In everything I showed you that by working hard in this manner you must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He Himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.
2 Corinthians 9:6-8Now this I say, he who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed.
James 2:15-16If a brother or sister is without clothing and in need of daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and be filled,” and yet you do not give them what is necessary for their body, what use is that?
There are times when I think I am doing an excellent job of giving and then there are times when I allow the world to get in the way and I am not paying attention. There are times when I have to give and times when I don't have to give. There are times when I am satisfied with what I have given and times when I desperately wish I could give more. Giving isn't always material, although more often than not my offerings are. Sometimes giving can just simply be giving of my time. Sometimes its just an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. Other times it is a hug or a kind word and a smile. Whatever the need is, if I call you friend and I have something you need I will give it.
Recently I made a meal for a friend that needed the rest more than she needed to cook. This was the second meal that I have made for her in the last 6 months or so. Two meals and a couple of FB messages here and there...thats all , nothing more. She made the comment that I had done more for her than some friends she has had for years. My immediate thought was , "how sad".Perhaps she didn't ask for help but part of a friends job is to pay attention and be involved enough to recognize the struggle and come to their aid. It made me sit back and take a count of those I count on and to take the time to thank God for each and every one. I am so fortunate to have an abundance of people to draw from if I am the one on need.
Oh God, please help me to be a good friend. Help me to always anticipate the needs of others and allow me to give generously from what I have to give. Use me in whatever capacity you see fit and please only allow me to do what would be pleasing to you.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Just knock me in the head with a hammer
Sometimes I am stubborn and it takes a knock to the head with a hammer to learn my lesson. Well, lesson learned. I have had such a stupid week. I left my house at 6:15 am Monday morning , worked the before school program, subbed all day for 5th grade, worked the after school program, grabbed some food, raced to the ballfield for Ben's baseball game and walked back into my house at 9:15 pm. At that point I still had to shower and do a few things before sleep. Bed at 11pm . I didn't work the morning shift on Tuesday but still subbed all day again and worked after school til 5:45. Home for supper and laundry that I was getting behind on. Wednesday morning ,after dropping the kids off. grocery store , home to unload, more laundry, precooked supper, and back to after school program . I was too tired to function by the time I got home so I skipped church. Worked the morning shift Thursday morning, subbed half a day , had just enough time to do yet more laundry and eat before it was time to be back for after school. The evening brought another baseball game meaning another late night. Another morning shift this morning and snack shopping for the after school program after, home to do yet more laundry and scarf down lunch and now it is almost time to go back for evening shift til probably 6:15.
What have I learned from this week? I can't so it. My body is suffering. I hurt from head to toe. I am exhausted and ill. My house is a mess. We have sat down to eat supper as a family only once this week. My husband started his new job this week and gets off earlier daily than he ever has but I have seen him less. It has been harder and harder to wake my kids as the week has worn on. my dogs have spent way too much time locked up . Its just not fair to any of us .I have tried to be superwoman and have failed miserably.
There have been times when I have looked at our finances and thought "I would like to have a full time job to contribute more to our monthly bottom line. " Every time I get into that frame of mind, I look for weeks or months for a job. I guess God knows better than I. I never find anything and I have finally come to the conclusion after this week that God is just not allowing me to even try to do that to myself. Fact is, after working 36 hours in just 4 days, I have nothing left to give when I get home. I don't care if we eat. I wash the clothes, dry the clothes, fold the clothes but do not have the energy to put them up so we live out of laundry baskets. I don't care if homework is done. I don't care if dishes aree clean.I just don't care if anything gets done. I don't spend time with my kids. I don't get quality time with my husband and intimacy is out of the question because I am just too stinking tired. Its just not worth it !
I get it God , I get it. I am better as a full time mommy and wife with at the least some subbing thrown in or at most a part time position somewhere. My kids and husband deserve me to be at my best so that is what I will do and I will do that well. Everything else will fall into place just as it should.
What have I learned from this week? I can't so it. My body is suffering. I hurt from head to toe. I am exhausted and ill. My house is a mess. We have sat down to eat supper as a family only once this week. My husband started his new job this week and gets off earlier daily than he ever has but I have seen him less. It has been harder and harder to wake my kids as the week has worn on. my dogs have spent way too much time locked up . Its just not fair to any of us .I have tried to be superwoman and have failed miserably.
There have been times when I have looked at our finances and thought "I would like to have a full time job to contribute more to our monthly bottom line. " Every time I get into that frame of mind, I look for weeks or months for a job. I guess God knows better than I. I never find anything and I have finally come to the conclusion after this week that God is just not allowing me to even try to do that to myself. Fact is, after working 36 hours in just 4 days, I have nothing left to give when I get home. I don't care if we eat. I wash the clothes, dry the clothes, fold the clothes but do not have the energy to put them up so we live out of laundry baskets. I don't care if homework is done. I don't care if dishes aree clean.I just don't care if anything gets done. I don't spend time with my kids. I don't get quality time with my husband and intimacy is out of the question because I am just too stinking tired. Its just not worth it !
I get it God , I get it. I am better as a full time mommy and wife with at the least some subbing thrown in or at most a part time position somewhere. My kids and husband deserve me to be at my best so that is what I will do and I will do that well. Everything else will fall into place just as it should.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
God's paint brush
I was driving home from the grocery store this afternoon and noticed how brilliant blue the sky is today, not a cloud could I find. I immediately thought about all the colors God used to make the earth. I imagined HIM with a paint brush and a palette with thousands of colors to choose from. This time of the year makes great use of all the rainbow. Against the backdrop of the brilliant blue sky lies the fresh new greens of grass and trees, but none of them the same shade. In his infinite wisdom , HE made every different kind of leaf a varying shade , every one unique. Every where I looked there were splashes of color to break up the greens.
The shades of the flowers are too inumerable to count. Dogwoods portray soft white and pinks.Azaleas bloom in whites, reds, pinks, and light purple. Sunny yellows, bright oranges, pinks, reds, and pale purples make up the tulips.Pansies are painted deep purples, yellows, blues, and burgundy. The list goes on and on.
I am continually in awe of the world God created for us to enjoy. How much must HE love us to throw on a smock and pick up the paint brush and spend endless time dipping it into color after color creating an everchanging breathtaking masterpiece for our daily pleasure.
The shades of the flowers are too inumerable to count. Dogwoods portray soft white and pinks.Azaleas bloom in whites, reds, pinks, and light purple. Sunny yellows, bright oranges, pinks, reds, and pale purples make up the tulips.Pansies are painted deep purples, yellows, blues, and burgundy. The list goes on and on.
I am continually in awe of the world God created for us to enjoy. How much must HE love us to throw on a smock and pick up the paint brush and spend endless time dipping it into color after color creating an everchanging breathtaking masterpiece for our daily pleasure.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Losing the battle
There are many things that I love about Spring. I love the beautiful things like blooming trees and colorful flowers. I love the warmth as long as it isn't stupid hot, heat belongs to summer. I love Cadbury mini eggs and I can only find them around Easter which coincidentally occurs in Spring. I love Spring break , sleeping late and having all day everyday with my children to play. I am not a Spring hater BUT, there are things about this time of the year that I could do without.
Cara and I both have seasonal allergies and from now til summer we are both miserable. Mine are so far controlled by over the counter meds and up til now Cara's has been too. This allergy season seems to be particularly brutal and Cara has just been put on Singulair. Those beautiful trees and flowers come at a price , literally and figuratively.
Every Spring we battle ants. It doesn't matter how dilligent I am about wiping counters, sweeping and mopping, and not leaving food out, those stinking little pests invade my home and drive me loony. Last year I broke down and paid for an exterminator only to find that it made the matter worse instead of better. I have tried everything from store bought baits to natural stuff to no avail.I always breakdown and end up just spraying the heck out of them and killing as many as I can a couple of times a day. No matter what I do, I am losing the battle.
Earlier this week we had a more disturbing battle . One night after everything was quiet Eric and I heard something in the closet.Upon investigation Eric found that something had been into the dog food. Suspecting a mouse I set out a glue trap baited with dog food the next night.Around midnight I awoke to some serious noise coming from the closet. I woke Eric up so he could put the little critter out of his misery. This is where it gets exciting... Eric opens the closet and instructs me to find a BB gun . Its not a simple little mouse. Its a rat ! Its a rat and his back end is glued to the trap but his front end isn't so he is just flopping around trying to get off the trap. I bring him a gun and flashlight and must run back downstairs to relieve my bladder. On my way back up the steps I pause when I hear the horrendous squealing that this creature is emitting everytime Eric pumps a BB into his body. Eric leaves his post at the closet door to tell me to bring him a set of grabbers only to walk back and find that the rat has escaped ! Eric decides that he thinks that he might know where this nasty creature is coming in at. So for the next 30 to 45 minutes I stand outside in my pjs holding a flashlight while Eric shovels dirt to fill in holes outside the back door.
This rat didn't run away unscathed. He left plenty of DNA on the glue trap as well as having a belly full of BBs. I bought some more effecient traps and we now have two traps laying in my closet floor , both of which have been left untouched for the last two nights. Either the injured rat ran off only to die or he had such a harrowing experience that he decided that dog food just isn't worth it. There is an interesting side story...we have become very observant of the space outside that Eric was working on. Yesterday Eric spotted a black snake hanging out up against the house. I am willing to leave him be as long as he stays out of my house. He wiggles his way in and he will be a very dead snake.
Between the allergies and the unwelcome critters , Spring is not my favorite time of the year .
Cara and I both have seasonal allergies and from now til summer we are both miserable. Mine are so far controlled by over the counter meds and up til now Cara's has been too. This allergy season seems to be particularly brutal and Cara has just been put on Singulair. Those beautiful trees and flowers come at a price , literally and figuratively.
Every Spring we battle ants. It doesn't matter how dilligent I am about wiping counters, sweeping and mopping, and not leaving food out, those stinking little pests invade my home and drive me loony. Last year I broke down and paid for an exterminator only to find that it made the matter worse instead of better. I have tried everything from store bought baits to natural stuff to no avail.I always breakdown and end up just spraying the heck out of them and killing as many as I can a couple of times a day. No matter what I do, I am losing the battle.
Earlier this week we had a more disturbing battle . One night after everything was quiet Eric and I heard something in the closet.Upon investigation Eric found that something had been into the dog food. Suspecting a mouse I set out a glue trap baited with dog food the next night.Around midnight I awoke to some serious noise coming from the closet. I woke Eric up so he could put the little critter out of his misery. This is where it gets exciting... Eric opens the closet and instructs me to find a BB gun . Its not a simple little mouse. Its a rat ! Its a rat and his back end is glued to the trap but his front end isn't so he is just flopping around trying to get off the trap. I bring him a gun and flashlight and must run back downstairs to relieve my bladder. On my way back up the steps I pause when I hear the horrendous squealing that this creature is emitting everytime Eric pumps a BB into his body. Eric leaves his post at the closet door to tell me to bring him a set of grabbers only to walk back and find that the rat has escaped ! Eric decides that he thinks that he might know where this nasty creature is coming in at. So for the next 30 to 45 minutes I stand outside in my pjs holding a flashlight while Eric shovels dirt to fill in holes outside the back door.
This rat didn't run away unscathed. He left plenty of DNA on the glue trap as well as having a belly full of BBs. I bought some more effecient traps and we now have two traps laying in my closet floor , both of which have been left untouched for the last two nights. Either the injured rat ran off only to die or he had such a harrowing experience that he decided that dog food just isn't worth it. There is an interesting side story...we have become very observant of the space outside that Eric was working on. Yesterday Eric spotted a black snake hanging out up against the house. I am willing to leave him be as long as he stays out of my house. He wiggles his way in and he will be a very dead snake.
Between the allergies and the unwelcome critters , Spring is not my favorite time of the year .
Friday, March 23, 2012
Another door closed
A couple of days ago I got a lead on a sweet job that would have changed our lives in a major way. In excitement I filled out an application and turned it in. I am not one to sit around and wait for very long so I called yesterday to find out if it made it to the correct hands. Well , it did but the job is no longer open. The job post ran about 7 months ago and they couldn't find someone desirable for the position and then the opening closed. Someone else within the office is now doing her job and that one with the one in charge not wanting to take the time to interview again right now. It may become available again later but for now it is a no go. I guess this one wasn't meant to be. I turned in another application earlier this week and turning yet another one in today to different places, crossing my fingers and praying all the while.
Eric has had some job offers but none of them come close to what he is making now and none come with ANY benefits . I have diabetes and ongoing health issues, we have 2 kids, we MUST have insurance.
The classifieds are of no help and online searches have so far been a waste of time. I have looked everyday. We are only a couple of weeks into this search and I know people who have been looking for much longer than we have. The economy just sucks right now and that it the only way I know how to put it. I am not whining again...just stating facts. I do not know what either one of us will end up doing . I do not know what God's plan is but I do know HE has one, HE always does and it is always better than what we would have come up with on our own.
Eric has had some job offers but none of them come close to what he is making now and none come with ANY benefits . I have diabetes and ongoing health issues, we have 2 kids, we MUST have insurance.
The classifieds are of no help and online searches have so far been a waste of time. I have looked everyday. We are only a couple of weeks into this search and I know people who have been looking for much longer than we have. The economy just sucks right now and that it the only way I know how to put it. I am not whining again...just stating facts. I do not know what either one of us will end up doing . I do not know what God's plan is but I do know HE has one, HE always does and it is always better than what we would have come up with on our own.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Pulling up my big girl panties
Not too long ago my nine year old was upset about something and exclaimed "it isn't fair". My reply was "you are correct, it isn't fair. You have two choices. You can either sit around and whine about it which changes nothing, or you can put on your big girl panties and just deal with it."Well, she did both. She sat around for the next 20 minutes and whined about it and then just dealt with the fact that the situation wasn't going to change. I am following her lead. This is my 20 minutes of whining and then I'm gonna pull up my big girl panties and deal with it.
The company that my husband works for is closing by the end of the year. This is not the first time that my husband has looked for a job. He has had more than a few during our almost sixteen years of marriage. He has had good paying jobs and sucky paying jobs. The best paying job paid the bills with extra left over but it was salary and he didn't spend much time at home. When he was home, he spent his time checking voice mails and returning calls. The sucky paying jobs paid the bills most of the time but came with the stress of maybe having not enough if we had to have new tires or something else unexpected.
When my husband was hired by John S Clark we were hoping that he would retire from there. It was the perfect balance. He is salary but he is able to be home by supper most nights. We have enough to pay the bills with enough left over to maybe eat out a couple of times a month. He works hard for 50 hours a week and puts up with more crap than anyone should have to but he actually enjoys his job. Even through this latest recession Clark has been profitable . This closing is all about greed. Some people half a world away care more about lining their own pockets than they care about the more than 100 employes who now have to figure out how to feed their families and insure them before we are arrested for not having insurance...I guess that is anothother topic for a different day.
Its not fair...there I said it and if it was socially acceptable I would lay on the ground and pummel the ground with my fists while screaming it at the top of my lungs. Its not fair that my husband is once again looking for work. Its not fair that the chances are high that he will not find a job making what he is making right now. Its not fair that chances are high that I am going to have to give up time with my children to work full time to make up for the lost income instead of staying a part timer . Its not fair that No matter where I go I will most likely just be working to pay for insurance and child care. How asanine is that? ITS JUST NOT FAIR !!!!!
I have spent my day filling out job applications and searching the ESC website for jobs. Pickings are slim in Mount Airy and surrounding areas.I have spent the last 4 years subbing for Millennium Charter Academy and two out of the last 4 working for their after school program. Subbing will not cut it and after school is at most 12 hours a week at minimum wage. My dream job would be to work within the school system until my children are at least in high school so I could spend my summers with them but that is what that is...a dream. I have a 4 year degree in human services that I have never used but all jobs at this point that require you to have the 4 year degree also requires at least 2 years experience which I don't have. Can somebody please explain that one to me. I have the degree but how am I supposed to get the experience if nobody will hire me without the experience?
Believe it or not, I haven't really spent any amount of time stressing about this situation. After the initial shock , I gave it to God and trust him to work this out for the good because that is his promise to his children. I have cried but probably not for the reasons you think. I have cried for my husband .Cried because I hate seeing him get up every day to go to work for a company that before long will just cease to exsist while at the same time spending every extra minute following up on job leads. Cried because I know how smart he is and I know his work ethic and I know he will not be paid what he is worth. Cried because we aren't the only ones affected by this stupid situation and there are some who are worse off than we are.Then there have been moments that I have cried for the reasons that you think. I have cried because life as we know it right now at this moment is going to change very soon. Cried because I know that I will most likely be ripped from the precious moments with my children just to survive. Cried because there will be no vacation this year no matter how selfish that may sound. Cried because I know no matter how many times I say "its not fair" I still have to pull up my big girl panties and deal with it.
The company that my husband works for is closing by the end of the year. This is not the first time that my husband has looked for a job. He has had more than a few during our almost sixteen years of marriage. He has had good paying jobs and sucky paying jobs. The best paying job paid the bills with extra left over but it was salary and he didn't spend much time at home. When he was home, he spent his time checking voice mails and returning calls. The sucky paying jobs paid the bills most of the time but came with the stress of maybe having not enough if we had to have new tires or something else unexpected.
When my husband was hired by John S Clark we were hoping that he would retire from there. It was the perfect balance. He is salary but he is able to be home by supper most nights. We have enough to pay the bills with enough left over to maybe eat out a couple of times a month. He works hard for 50 hours a week and puts up with more crap than anyone should have to but he actually enjoys his job. Even through this latest recession Clark has been profitable . This closing is all about greed. Some people half a world away care more about lining their own pockets than they care about the more than 100 employes who now have to figure out how to feed their families and insure them before we are arrested for not having insurance...I guess that is anothother topic for a different day.
Its not fair...there I said it and if it was socially acceptable I would lay on the ground and pummel the ground with my fists while screaming it at the top of my lungs. Its not fair that my husband is once again looking for work. Its not fair that the chances are high that he will not find a job making what he is making right now. Its not fair that chances are high that I am going to have to give up time with my children to work full time to make up for the lost income instead of staying a part timer . Its not fair that No matter where I go I will most likely just be working to pay for insurance and child care. How asanine is that? ITS JUST NOT FAIR !!!!!
I have spent my day filling out job applications and searching the ESC website for jobs. Pickings are slim in Mount Airy and surrounding areas.I have spent the last 4 years subbing for Millennium Charter Academy and two out of the last 4 working for their after school program. Subbing will not cut it and after school is at most 12 hours a week at minimum wage. My dream job would be to work within the school system until my children are at least in high school so I could spend my summers with them but that is what that is...a dream. I have a 4 year degree in human services that I have never used but all jobs at this point that require you to have the 4 year degree also requires at least 2 years experience which I don't have. Can somebody please explain that one to me. I have the degree but how am I supposed to get the experience if nobody will hire me without the experience?
Believe it or not, I haven't really spent any amount of time stressing about this situation. After the initial shock , I gave it to God and trust him to work this out for the good because that is his promise to his children. I have cried but probably not for the reasons you think. I have cried for my husband .Cried because I hate seeing him get up every day to go to work for a company that before long will just cease to exsist while at the same time spending every extra minute following up on job leads. Cried because I know how smart he is and I know his work ethic and I know he will not be paid what he is worth. Cried because we aren't the only ones affected by this stupid situation and there are some who are worse off than we are.Then there have been moments that I have cried for the reasons that you think. I have cried because life as we know it right now at this moment is going to change very soon. Cried because I know that I will most likely be ripped from the precious moments with my children just to survive. Cried because there will be no vacation this year no matter how selfish that may sound. Cried because I know no matter how many times I say "its not fair" I still have to pull up my big girl panties and deal with it.
Monday, February 13, 2012
The best gift ever
Go in any store today and you are bombarded with everything pink and red. Flowers, candy, cards, balloons and anything else that can possibly be cute enough for you to say "awwww". All of this for one day out of the year that we set aside to celebrate love. I fall into the trap too. I have already bought my husband, kids, and mom a card. I plan on making a special breakfast and supper tomorrow for my family. I plan on saying "happy valentines day" and maybe go a little overboard on the "I love yous".
Here's the deal...Flowers die, candy gets eaten, cards either get stuffed away or thrown away, balloons lose their helium , and I am too old for a cutsie stuffed animal. So what do I want for Valentines day? Well, I am a sucker for a sappy card so at least one of those would be nice. I am a stuffer, not a tosser. I am sure that there will come a day when I will drag out all those old cards and re-read all those wonderfully written cards that my loved ones have spent time standing in crowded aisles to pick out for me. I am just not the material kind of gal. I don't need or want more "stuff". I have enough "stuff". I am looking for the best gift ever.
What is the best gift ever you ask? The best gifts are those that cannot be bought . I want forever with the man that I married. I want him to love me and only me for as long as we live, you know, the death do us part kind of love. I want to be cherished by him. I want to be appreciated. I want to snuggle up to him every night and know that he is mine and I am his. I want my kids to appreciate me and say please and thank you . I want them to tell me that I am the best mommy ever. I don't just want these things on Valentines day but everyday in between. That , my friends, is the best gift ever and its all free. I will not be asking for any of this because I am blessed enough to already have these gifts in my possession. If you don't then my wish for you this Valentines day is that you are on your way to finding it.
Here's the deal...Flowers die, candy gets eaten, cards either get stuffed away or thrown away, balloons lose their helium , and I am too old for a cutsie stuffed animal. So what do I want for Valentines day? Well, I am a sucker for a sappy card so at least one of those would be nice. I am a stuffer, not a tosser. I am sure that there will come a day when I will drag out all those old cards and re-read all those wonderfully written cards that my loved ones have spent time standing in crowded aisles to pick out for me. I am just not the material kind of gal. I don't need or want more "stuff". I have enough "stuff". I am looking for the best gift ever.
What is the best gift ever you ask? The best gifts are those that cannot be bought . I want forever with the man that I married. I want him to love me and only me for as long as we live, you know, the death do us part kind of love. I want to be cherished by him. I want to be appreciated. I want to snuggle up to him every night and know that he is mine and I am his. I want my kids to appreciate me and say please and thank you . I want them to tell me that I am the best mommy ever. I don't just want these things on Valentines day but everyday in between. That , my friends, is the best gift ever and its all free. I will not be asking for any of this because I am blessed enough to already have these gifts in my possession. If you don't then my wish for you this Valentines day is that you are on your way to finding it.
Friday, February 3, 2012
I don't make this crap up
It's been a day and I haven't even made it to work yet. After dropping the kids off at school this morning I drove a friend of mine to Yadkinville for a Dr's appointment . I was back in Mount Airy by 10:30 and thought whoo hoo , I have plenty of time. Back up a little...Ben's homeroom teacher makes soap and I wanted a bar so I went to her the other day with money in hand but she refused to let me pay for it. After I insisted she said if I would provide popcorn for a movie afternoon we would call it even. Thirty five lunch size brown bags with a hot air popper...easy, right?
My hot air popper can crank out quite a bit of popcorn at a time so I wasn't worried about being in a hurry to have it there by 12:30. After 3 batches, which provided 10 bags , my popper popped it's last. Having plenty of loose corn left I cranked up the stove top and did it the old fashioned way. Six more bags in and I was spending more time picking out burned pieces than I was popping and bagging. My only option was to go the grocery store and buy the microwave stuff. Keep in mind I am supposed to be delivering popcorn at 12:30. I was pulling in my driveway with a 10 pack box of popsecret at 11:55.
It takes 2 minutes per bag. I was pulling in the driveway of the school at 12:25. Needless to say I popped and bagged like a mad woman to get it there on time. My reward for the craziness? A fresh creamy bar of Lemongrass Day Dream soap made by Mrs Simmons herself. Worth it? Absolutely !
My hot air popper can crank out quite a bit of popcorn at a time so I wasn't worried about being in a hurry to have it there by 12:30. After 3 batches, which provided 10 bags , my popper popped it's last. Having plenty of loose corn left I cranked up the stove top and did it the old fashioned way. Six more bags in and I was spending more time picking out burned pieces than I was popping and bagging. My only option was to go the grocery store and buy the microwave stuff. Keep in mind I am supposed to be delivering popcorn at 12:30. I was pulling in my driveway with a 10 pack box of popsecret at 11:55.
It takes 2 minutes per bag. I was pulling in the driveway of the school at 12:25. Needless to say I popped and bagged like a mad woman to get it there on time. My reward for the craziness? A fresh creamy bar of Lemongrass Day Dream soap made by Mrs Simmons herself. Worth it? Absolutely !
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