Nobody asked me here it is anyway

     Two days ago the world began grieving upon finding out that a great comedic talent had left us. Even more astonishing and sad was how he left us. His death has opened up a massive open discussion about suicide. Since, I have read many opinions about the topic. I agree with some and disagree with some but the beauty is, I can because they are opinions, not fact. So here is what I think and feel about the subject. Nobody asked me, but here it is, for whatever it's worth and if anybody cares to read it.
     Three times in my life I have had three separate individuals divulge to me that suicide had been more than just a passing thought at points in their life. All three of these individuals mean a great deal to me. I love them. I spend time with them. I share life with them. I have relationships with them. All three of them are still here and all for three different reasons. All three describe that point in their lives as like being in a deep dark place that they couldn't find a way out of. It was so scary and so oppressive that they saw NO hope, not even a glimmer.
     I can't begin to even imagine what that feels like. I thank God that I have never been there and I pray that I never fall in a hole so deep and dark that I can't see light to find my way out. Since I have never been there myself, I can only tell you what I have been told from their experiences. All three of them were in so much pain that it changed who they were physically, mentally, and spiritually. It literally changed who they were. They were unrecognizable to themselves.
     Many years ago my opinion was that suicide was an act of selfishness. To each his own opinion, however I can tell you that the three individuals talked about above are anything but selfish. In fact, all three spend most of their time and energy being selfLESS. All three of them are kind, loving, generous, intelligent souls who became totally different people while in the hole of suffocating darkness.
     I read a blog post this morning that discussed the sinful implications of suicide and an opinion about whether or not people who commit suicide can enter heaven. Here is what I know for sure. NONE of us know. Only God does.You can quote as much scripture as you want to me. NONE of us know. I do know that God is the judge and will determine who lives with him and who doesn't. I do know that God knows every single detail about every single one of his children. He hears every beat of our hearts. He hears our every inhale and our every exhale. He has the hairs upon our head counted. He knows our every thought. He knows our every joy. He knows our every tear. He knows us on an intimate level that no other human can comprehend. He , and only He knows the heart of one of his creations and He and only He determines who enters his kingdom.
     I am so very thankful that the three individuals I have talked about are still a part of my life. I am happy to report that all three have found their own rays of light to brighten that dark place that threatened to swallow them whole. It truly saddens me on a very deep level that some never find that glimmer and instead see no no way out except death. 

Evil

     Its one day after a 20 year old man woke up, shot his mother, took 3 guns, drove to an elementary school and mowed down 28 people, 20 of them children. I am mourning, in tears, and in shock.Being a mother of 2 , I cannot imagine the terror and then heartbreak of these families that sent their children to school yesterday morning , hopefully hugging them before dropping them off, only hours later to receive the most horrible news that their children were dead. I cannot imagine the horror that these little hearts experienced and the horror that the ones left will live for years to come.
     In watching the news I have heard many debates already about how we as a nation can keep this from happening again. Its the usual stuff that is talked about after a tragedy such as this. Unfortunately, this isn't the first time something like this has happened and sadly, probably not the last. Gun control? Armed security guards in every school in America? I don't have all of the answers but , hey, here's an idea.
     America isn't the only country subject to violence. Only the day before , 22 children children in China were stabbed at a primary school. Let's face it, a gun or knife doesn't hurt anyone unless in the hands of evil. Let's call it what it is ...EVIL. Where does evil come from? Does it come from violent video games, violent movies or tv? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Evil comes from a heart that Satan gets a hold of and God is not allowed into to.
     I will not pretend to have any information about this 20 year old man who perpetrated such a horrific act . I do not know how he was raised , whether he attended or ever has attended church , whether any one ever talked to him about God, whether any one has ever been kind to him or if he was bullied. Here is what I DO know. He did not have the love of God in his heart.There has been speculation about whether he was autistic or had a personality disorder...that's a different story for a different day.
     Let's go back to evil. We know it exsists, the Bible tells us it does. So as a parent I have to ask some hard questions. I am in no way blaming this man's mother for his actions. He was an adult and for a reason that we may never be able to understand or explain, this man was evil yesterday.Do your children see you doing more right or more wrong? Do your children see you making God a priority? Do your children see you attending church? Do your children seeing you read God's word? Do your children see you pray? Do you pray for your children, and I don't mean just for their health and well being, I mean do you pray for who they are going to grow up to be? Do you talk to your children about God and the difference between right and wrong and I mean from a Biblical standard? Do they know what the word sin means? Do your children receive love from you and see you showing love to others? Do your children even know who God is?Do you talk about him? Do you set an example of what a God fearing , commandment keeping, Bible reading, praying person looks like?
     Gun control, armed security guards, keeping children away from violent tv, movies, and video games aren't going to expel evil from our society. Only God can do that. Our nation as a whole has turned its back on God and his Holy Word and we wonder why someone would take a gun into an elementary school and shoot 20 children? WAKE UP people !!!! Sin is sin, plain and simple, from cursing to murder. There is no little sin and big sin. ALL sin will be judged the same. Say the word f**k in front of your children and you are teaching them that its ok to sin.Let your children catch you in a lie and you are teaching them it is ok to sin. If you are continually teaching them its ok to sin then they will grow up to believe that any sin is ok, including murder. Want to teach your kids its NOT ok to sin? DON'T SIN !!Only people FULL of God have no room left for evil. Bring your children up in such a way that there is no doubt that they have the love of God in their hearts. You may not be able to control how your neighbor's child turns out , and even if you do everything right, you will not be able to control how your own turns out, but it will not hurt to do everything in your power to make sure that yours has a head start in becoming something other than an evil person who walks into an elementary school and murders innocent children in cold blood.
     In the words of Forrest Gump...thats all I have to say about that.