Sometimes I am stubborn and it takes a knock to the head with a hammer to learn my lesson. Well, lesson learned. I have had such a stupid week. I left my house at 6:15 am Monday morning , worked the before school program, subbed all day for 5th grade, worked the after school program, grabbed some food, raced to the ballfield for Ben's baseball game and walked back into my house at 9:15 pm. At that point I still had to shower and do a few things before sleep. Bed at 11pm . I didn't work the morning shift on Tuesday but still subbed all day again and worked after school til 5:45. Home for supper and laundry that I was getting behind on. Wednesday morning ,after dropping the kids off. grocery store , home to unload, more laundry, precooked supper, and back to after school program . I was too tired to function by the time I got home so I skipped church. Worked the morning shift Thursday morning, subbed half a day , had just enough time to do yet more laundry and eat before it was time to be back for after school. The evening brought another baseball game meaning another late night. Another morning shift this morning and snack shopping for the after school program after, home to do yet more laundry and scarf down lunch and now it is almost time to go back for evening shift til probably 6:15.
What have I learned from this week? I can't so it. My body is suffering. I hurt from head to toe. I am exhausted and ill. My house is a mess. We have sat down to eat supper as a family only once this week. My husband started his new job this week and gets off earlier daily than he ever has but I have seen him less. It has been harder and harder to wake my kids as the week has worn on. my dogs have spent way too much time locked up . Its just not fair to any of us .I have tried to be superwoman and have failed miserably.
There have been times when I have looked at our finances and thought "I would like to have a full time job to contribute more to our monthly bottom line. " Every time I get into that frame of mind, I look for weeks or months for a job. I guess God knows better than I. I never find anything and I have finally come to the conclusion after this week that God is just not allowing me to even try to do that to myself. Fact is, after working 36 hours in just 4 days, I have nothing left to give when I get home. I don't care if we eat. I wash the clothes, dry the clothes, fold the clothes but do not have the energy to put them up so we live out of laundry baskets. I don't care if homework is done. I don't care if dishes aree clean.I just don't care if anything gets done. I don't spend time with my kids. I don't get quality time with my husband and intimacy is out of the question because I am just too stinking tired. Its just not worth it !
I get it God , I get it. I am better as a full time mommy and wife with at the least some subbing thrown in or at most a part time position somewhere. My kids and husband deserve me to be at my best so that is what I will do and I will do that well. Everything else will fall into place just as it should.
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