Nobody asked me here it is anyway

     Two days ago the world began grieving upon finding out that a great comedic talent had left us. Even more astonishing and sad was how he left us. His death has opened up a massive open discussion about suicide. Since, I have read many opinions about the topic. I agree with some and disagree with some but the beauty is, I can because they are opinions, not fact. So here is what I think and feel about the subject. Nobody asked me, but here it is, for whatever it's worth and if anybody cares to read it.
     Three times in my life I have had three separate individuals divulge to me that suicide had been more than just a passing thought at points in their life. All three of these individuals mean a great deal to me. I love them. I spend time with them. I share life with them. I have relationships with them. All three of them are still here and all for three different reasons. All three describe that point in their lives as like being in a deep dark place that they couldn't find a way out of. It was so scary and so oppressive that they saw NO hope, not even a glimmer.
     I can't begin to even imagine what that feels like. I thank God that I have never been there and I pray that I never fall in a hole so deep and dark that I can't see light to find my way out. Since I have never been there myself, I can only tell you what I have been told from their experiences. All three of them were in so much pain that it changed who they were physically, mentally, and spiritually. It literally changed who they were. They were unrecognizable to themselves.
     Many years ago my opinion was that suicide was an act of selfishness. To each his own opinion, however I can tell you that the three individuals talked about above are anything but selfish. In fact, all three spend most of their time and energy being selfLESS. All three of them are kind, loving, generous, intelligent souls who became totally different people while in the hole of suffocating darkness.
     I read a blog post this morning that discussed the sinful implications of suicide and an opinion about whether or not people who commit suicide can enter heaven. Here is what I know for sure. NONE of us know. Only God does.You can quote as much scripture as you want to me. NONE of us know. I do know that God is the judge and will determine who lives with him and who doesn't. I do know that God knows every single detail about every single one of his children. He hears every beat of our hearts. He hears our every inhale and our every exhale. He has the hairs upon our head counted. He knows our every thought. He knows our every joy. He knows our every tear. He knows us on an intimate level that no other human can comprehend. He , and only He knows the heart of one of his creations and He and only He determines who enters his kingdom.
     I am so very thankful that the three individuals I have talked about are still a part of my life. I am happy to report that all three have found their own rays of light to brighten that dark place that threatened to swallow them whole. It truly saddens me on a very deep level that some never find that glimmer and instead see no no way out except death.