I said "I do " ...again

     My 17th wedding anniversary was this past Saturday. Most days I cannot believe that 17 years have passed since I married my husband. Other days I feel every single moment. We have survived two babies, 3 moves, more vehicles than I care to count, bad jobs, a 14 month deployment, and many mistakes. Real world marriage rarely resembles a fairy tale. I may have found my prince charming. We may indeed live ever after but the happily part is harder than it looks in books and on the big screen.
     Scattered in among the happiness has come anger, disappointment, and hurt. Those moments aren't the ones that we want to live in our memories forever. However, it's those moments that God, in his infinite wisdom, used to make our marriage stronger. It's those moments that after they are over have made me love my husband that much more. It's those moments that have made me appreciate the happy ones. I loved my husband the day I married him and didn't think it possible that I could ever love him more. Yet, I continue to fall in love with him over and over again. I am not sure if it's despite what we have been through or because of it. 
     At the very end of 2011 Eric and I discussed renewing our vows in 2012. Life got in the way , months passed and it just didn't get planned. Looking back , I can see that it wasn't just busy lives or laziness that kept the planning from taking place. It was God. I guess God had to make sure we were strong enough to weather the next 17 years before allowing us to take that plunge again, so He tested us. In retrospect almost the entire year was a gigantic test, not just a test of our marriage but a test of my faith.In fact I believe the last 4 years or so has been strategically designed by the Master to turn me into a warrior. I can say with absolute certainty that my marriage has withstood some storms that statistics say it should not have.
     By January of this year, it was obvious that we had passed the test and that we had HIS blessing to do as we had planned a year before. We didn't want a big audience. This was really just for us, not for show. There were only 8 in attendance , Eric, me, our children, my best friend, her husband , and their 2 children. We met on their back porch, exchanged vows that we had written and Eric sang a song that he had written for the occasion. The entire thing was simple, beautiful, and I cried the entire time. Afterwards we grilled some hot dogs and hamburgers and enjoyed each other's company for several hours.
     The next morning we dropped the kids off at friend's houses and we spent two uninterrupted days in Cherokee together, reliving old memories and making new ones. I do not know what God has planned for tomorrow, much less for years down the road. I do know this: God surely means for me to be with this man and for him to be with me.

Stop and think

     A couple of days ago I had a conversation with a sex addict. I can see some of you right now sneezing BS into your hand. I too at a time in my life thought the term "sex addiction" was something used to excuse bad behavior. I did some research on sex addiction one time and I can assure you that it is real just like drug addiction. Chemically, sex creates a "high" in the body just like certain drugs do . There are different categories of sex addiction, some of them actually involve little or no sex at all.
     This particular addict was a man with a wife and children. For the biggest part of his marriage he had been actively involved in betraying his vows. It all started with simple flirting but over time escalated . In the early years of his addiction he did have sex with four other women but the guilt from those acts was driving him to think of suicide so at some point he drew a line in the sand and said no more sex. The addiction did not subside and he still found himself getting caught up in a twisted world of flirting with other women. Sex wasn't his ultimate goal , his addiction was about the seduction. Once he had "won" his conquest over to the point she would have had sex with him , the game was over.
     He hated himself every minute of every day but didn't have control over his addiction, instead it controlled him. He couldn't understand how he could love his wife and still betray her over and over. Even years after the line in the sand was drawn and there wasn't any more sex, suicide was always on his mind. His mission was that his wife never ever know. He knew the pain it would cause her and he wasn't willing to put her through that. I too for a short while wondered how he could do these horrible things and at the same time really love his wife. Unfortunately that is the nature of addiction, any kind of addiction. I have a really good friend that is a recovering drug addict and have spent hours talking to her about her addiction. Addiction is mean and makes you a very selfish person. Addiction will make you do things that you thought you would never do.
     The point of this blog isn't to persuade you that sex addiction is real even though I believe it is. Out of everything that he told me, this is what bothers me most : ALL of the women , including the ones he had sex with knew he was married. Some of them were married themselves. Most of them knew he had children. As a married woman with children , I find that very disturbing. I don't know how many women we are talking about, I doubt he even knows. We are talking about a approximately 12 to 13 year period of time though so the number is probably staggering.
     It would very easy to look at this man and judge him to be some kind of monster . Fact is though, if not for the willing participants he found, he would not have been able to feed his addiction. Think about all of those women who willingly lined up to play his game knowing that at the very least they could be potentially breaking up a marriage. Those who knew he had children , potentially destroying a family. I find all of this very sad.
     I know people cheat , men and women. The statistics are depressing. As a mom and wife, I am constantly putting my husband and children's  needs and wants first. I think about my actions and how they may affect other people whether I know those people well or not. I cannot imagine messing around with another woman's husband whether he had kids or not. It scares me that more woman aren't like me. I pray for this man , his wife, and all of the women who apparently didn't think hard enough about how their actions might hurt not only another woman but the kids involved.
     I guess my point is this...before you do anything, even speak, stop and think about how what you say or do may affect someone else.

The best gift ever

     Go in any store today and you are bombarded with everything pink and red. Flowers, candy, cards, balloons and anything else that can possibly be cute enough for you to say "awwww". All of this for one day out of the year that we set aside to celebrate love. I fall into the trap too. I have already bought my husband, kids, and mom a card. I plan on making a special breakfast and supper tomorrow for my family. I plan on saying "happy valentines day" and maybe go a little overboard on the "I love yous".
     Here's the deal...Flowers die, candy gets eaten, cards either get stuffed away or thrown away, balloons lose their helium , and I am too old for a cutsie stuffed animal. So what do I want for Valentines day? Well, I am a sucker for a sappy card so at least one of those would be nice. I am a stuffer, not a tosser. I am sure that there will come a day when I will drag out all those old cards and re-read all those wonderfully written cards that my loved ones have spent time standing in crowded aisles to pick out for me. I am just not the material kind of gal. I don't need or want more "stuff". I have enough "stuff". I am looking for the best gift ever.
     What is the best gift ever you ask? The best gifts are those that cannot be bought . I want forever with the man that I married. I want him to love me and only me for as long as we live, you know, the death do us part kind of love. I want to be cherished by him. I want to be appreciated. I want to snuggle up to him every night and know that he is mine and I am his. I want my kids to appreciate me and say please and thank you . I want them to tell me that I am the best mommy ever. I don't just want these things on Valentines day but everyday in between. That , my friends, is the best gift ever and its all free. I will not be asking for any of this because I am blessed enough to already have these gifts in my possession. If you don't then my wish for you this Valentines day is that you are on your way to finding it.