I just don't get it

     Around the age of 40 I came to accept the fact that there are some things in and of this world that I will never understand. I will never understand how a fellow human being could ever hurt a defenseless child or small animal on purpose. I will never understand the way some things work no matter how many times it is explained to me. I will never understand why my body craves bacon on a daily basis. There are just some things that my simple brain cannot assimilate.
     I was listening to the radio on my way home from dropping my children off at school this morning and they were talking about the new Iphone 6 . They were discussing the lines of people who have apparently been camped out in the front of stores for up to 24 hours . Seriously? IT'S a phone. It's not a free house line for the homeless. It's not a free food line for the hungry. IT'S a phone. So I guess mark this up as yet one more thing I will never understand. I just don't get how otherwise intelligent, rational adults get so stupid over a PHONE.
     I saw an ad for said phone a couple of days ago. Normally I would pay no attention to an Iphone ad because I have never had an Iphone. What gave me pause was the word "sexy" in the ad. Sexy? A phone is sexy? Anybody who describes their phone as "sexy" needs to get out more. People are sexy. Phones? Not so much. Sleek maybe. Sexy? No.The ad also described the phone as slimmer. Ok, but does that really matter all that much? Any responsible Iphone owner is going to buy a protective case to shield it from scratches, chips, and breakage, right? Unless the protective case manufacturers make a slimmer case, it's still going to look like you have a rectangular tumor growing from your butt in that nice tight pair of jeans you just bought.
     Maybe, just maybe, I can understand the excitement if this is someone's first Iphone. I doubt that is the case for but a few. If I were  a betting woman, and I am not, I would bet my house that a great percentage of these line dwellers are upgrading from the Iphone 5. So, you have a phone that works just fine and you're willing to stand in line, outside, in a hoard of people for a newer version of what you have been satisfied with? I guess that's assuming that they were satisfied with it. If they weren't then it makes even less sense to me.If you aren't satisfied with 5, what makes you think you will like 6?
     I just hope these people don't lead the rest of their lives this way because here is what that would look like : Man sees woman. She is the most beautiful creature he has ever laid eyes on. He instantly falls in love with her. He immediately makes her his own. He holds her with tenderness as if she is fragile. He spends many of his waking hours with her day after day . He tends to her every need. He protects her as if she is his most precious gift.He loves everything about her and has never been so happy and content. She fulfills his needs and more. For two years , he is completely satisfied and has eyes for no other. Man comes home and announces that he is leaving woman. Yes, she is skinny, but there is a new woman, and she is skinnier. Yes she is attractive, but this new woman is sexy. Yes, she can cook, bake, clean, and love him well, but this new woman can do it quicker. No, there isn't anything wrong with her, it's just that the new woman is , well, newer.
     I just don't get it.

Nobody asked me here it is anyway

     Two days ago the world began grieving upon finding out that a great comedic talent had left us. Even more astonishing and sad was how he left us. His death has opened up a massive open discussion about suicide. Since, I have read many opinions about the topic. I agree with some and disagree with some but the beauty is, I can because they are opinions, not fact. So here is what I think and feel about the subject. Nobody asked me, but here it is, for whatever it's worth and if anybody cares to read it.
     Three times in my life I have had three separate individuals divulge to me that suicide had been more than just a passing thought at points in their life. All three of these individuals mean a great deal to me. I love them. I spend time with them. I share life with them. I have relationships with them. All three of them are still here and all for three different reasons. All three describe that point in their lives as like being in a deep dark place that they couldn't find a way out of. It was so scary and so oppressive that they saw NO hope, not even a glimmer.
     I can't begin to even imagine what that feels like. I thank God that I have never been there and I pray that I never fall in a hole so deep and dark that I can't see light to find my way out. Since I have never been there myself, I can only tell you what I have been told from their experiences. All three of them were in so much pain that it changed who they were physically, mentally, and spiritually. It literally changed who they were. They were unrecognizable to themselves.
     Many years ago my opinion was that suicide was an act of selfishness. To each his own opinion, however I can tell you that the three individuals talked about above are anything but selfish. In fact, all three spend most of their time and energy being selfLESS. All three of them are kind, loving, generous, intelligent souls who became totally different people while in the hole of suffocating darkness.
     I read a blog post this morning that discussed the sinful implications of suicide and an opinion about whether or not people who commit suicide can enter heaven. Here is what I know for sure. NONE of us know. Only God does.You can quote as much scripture as you want to me. NONE of us know. I do know that God is the judge and will determine who lives with him and who doesn't. I do know that God knows every single detail about every single one of his children. He hears every beat of our hearts. He hears our every inhale and our every exhale. He has the hairs upon our head counted. He knows our every thought. He knows our every joy. He knows our every tear. He knows us on an intimate level that no other human can comprehend. He , and only He knows the heart of one of his creations and He and only He determines who enters his kingdom.
     I am so very thankful that the three individuals I have talked about are still a part of my life. I am happy to report that all three have found their own rays of light to brighten that dark place that threatened to swallow them whole. It truly saddens me on a very deep level that some never find that glimmer and instead see no no way out except death. 

In the storm clouds of life

     When I awoke this morning the sky was gray with clouds, no sun to be seen. How fitting that my reading this morning was about clouds. Without them we would have no shield from the burning sun. Without them we would have no rain for the thirsty earth. Without them we would have less spectacular sunsets and landscapes. Clouds serve a purpose even if sometimes they can make for a dreary day. I have often said that I have felt as if a dark cloud is hanging over me during stressful or difficult times in my life. Just as ominous dark clouds predict a physical storm in nature , we sometimes refer to our hardest struggles in this life as storms. No matter how dark the cloud, how raging the storm, God is in the middle of it all. God's word reminds us of this time after time.
   Genesis 9:12-16 And God said , " This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come. I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. When ever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life. Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth."
     Exodus 13:21, 22...When Moses led God's people out of Egypt. "By day the Lord went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so that they could travel by day or night. Neither the pillar of cloud by day nor the pillar of fire by night left it's place in front of the people. In Exodus 19:9 And the Lord said to Moses , "I am going to come to you in a dense cloud, so that the people will hear me speaking with you and will always put their trust in you."In Exodus 19:16-19 On the morning of the third day there was thunder and lightening, with a thick cloud over the mountain, and a very loud trumpet blast. Everyone in the camp trembled. Then Moses led the people out of the camp to meet with God, and they stood at the foot of the mountain.Mount Sinai was covered with smoke , because the Lord descended on it in fire. The smoke billowed up fro it like smoke from a furnace, the whole mountain trembled violently , and the sound of the trumpet grew louder and louder. Then Moses spoke and the voice of God answered him." In Exodus 25:15, 16 "When Moses went up on the mountain, the cloud covered it, and the glory of the Lord settled on Mount Sinai. For six days the cloud covered the mountain and, and on the seventh day the Lord called to Moses from within the cloud."
     Just as clouds shield us from the searing heat of the sun, God's radiance is so blinding and magnificent that human eyes could not withstand his appearance, so God shielded Moses and his people by appearing in a cloud. He was present, guiding the every step of the way, just hidden from their sight by a cloud.
     The rainbow in the clouds of Genesis refers to a promise that God made to us . Another promise that he has made to us is that Jesus will come again. Struggles on this earth will someday cease . Matthew 24:30, 31 "At that time the sign of the Son of Man will appear in the sky, and all the nations of the earth will mourn. They will see the Son of Man coming on the clouds of the sky, with power and great glory. And he will send his angels with a loud trumpet call, and they will gather his elect from the four winds, from one end of the heavens to the other." 1 Thessalonians 4:16, 17 For the Lord himself will come down from heaven , with a loud command , with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that , we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever."
        Friends, take comfort when clouds threaten to overtake you and overshadow your light with the knowledge that God is within them. Sometimes the clouds can be so dark and the storms of this life seem to rage so hard . God is there, he is guiding you through the storm, he is just having to hide himself until his glory is revealed.

Jesus cheering me on

I was reading in Acts this morning. Chapters 6 and 7 where Stephan is blasting the Sanhedrin with a whole lot of truth and verse 54 : When they heard this , they were furious and gnashed their teeth at him. 55: But Stephan full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and the saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. 56: "Look", he said "I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God." I am not sure why the word "standing" struck me today but it did. Scripture mentions the fact that Jesus is at God's right hand at least 7 times.We know that the right side /or right hand meant a place of authority .This is how God exalted Jesus above all others. At least twice in the 7 times that scripture mentions Jesus at the right hand of God, it specifically says "seated". The picture I have in my head as I read this reminds me of when Ben played baseball. When he would come up to bat or a ball was hit his way I would stand up. Standing vs sitting did not change the outcome nor did it allow me to see what was happening any better.I could have cheered him on just as well from a sitting position but if there was a chance that maybe he glanced my way , me standing and therefore becoming more visible to him let him know that I was focused on what he was doing...I was paying attention. Jesus was STANDING. All of his attention was focused on on Stephan. He was cheering him on from the sidelines. He was letting Stephan know that no matter the outcome , he was watching. What a beautiful picture this is. When we are at bat, pressure is on, maybe we are struggling to find the perfect stance, maybe we are striking out, Jesus is on his feet watching and cheering us on.

The forecast according to me

     I grew up in a little town named Thurmond. I lived on what is now called Mountain Top Road although it is not on a mountain top. In fact it is really in what is referred to as the foothills. It was a dirt and gravel road that led to nowhere. I will never forget taking a friend to my house one night after dark and his comment was " This isn't really a driveway , is it? You are taking me out here to kill me and dump my body." Let's just say I lived in the boonies.Our little part of the world was named Possum Trot Valley. I still to this day do not know who named it that or why.This little section of the world did not see salt trucks or snow plows. When it snowed, you had better have everything you were gonna need for awhile cause you weren't going anywhere.
     I have memories of snow that could only be measured by a yard stick. I am not good at measuring distances but just down the road from our home there was a pasture with a really kick butt sledding hill.Sledding would become a community event. The men of the neighborhood would go before the rest of us and build a bonfire , not only for light, because the sledding party was after dark at times, but also for warmth to ward off frostbite . We would all trek, dragging our sleds behind us, to the sledding hill. The adults would go down first , to pack the snow down and then it was our turn. A good run was when you had to dig in your feet to come to a stop so you didn't end up in the creek at the bottom of the hill.A not so good run was when you didn't steer just right and flipped over about half way down.
     There was nothing like the feeling of flying down that hill. We didn't care how cold it was. We didn't care that our eyes watered and noses were dripping. We didn't care how brutal the trudge back up that hill was. This was the epitome of childhood fun. I don't know how long we would stay on the hill. I guess when we just couldn't go anymore , we would trudge back home and warm up and settle in for sleep.
     It is currently snowing at my house and the forecast is for 12 plus inches. I went out this morning and bought a yard stick in hopes that a regular 12 inch ruler won't do the trick. I know a bunch of people hate snow and I understand the reasoning. I realize some people have to go to work no matter how much snow is on the ground. I understand that it is inconvenient for some. I also know that I have two children who have never seen more than about 6 inches of the white stuff.
     I have a picture of Ben when he was a toddler playing in some snow. I remember that one. I tried my best to ball up enough snow for a snowman with no luck. I have pictures of Ben and Cara and a snowman that we built in the front yard while Eric was in Iraq. That was the most snow we have had in their lifetimes and that was the 6 inches I mentioned above. I remember their excitement and I remember thinking how sad it was that they had never experienced snow like I remember snow from my childhood . We have all been sledding together in the back yard but never have experienced having to trek back up the hill in snow to their knees.
     I know I am in the minority when it comes to loving snow. I do hope we get the forecasted amounts. I want to see the wonder in my children's eyes when they see what that much snow looks like. I want to bundle up and build a snowman with them. I want to sled and make more than 5 runs before seeing grass underneath the path. I want the snow of my childhood.
     Here is what I predict. I predict that there will be happy excited children playing outside and enjoying snow cream before bed time tonight. I predict that adults will remember how to play and spend quality time with their children , building snowmen and sledding down hills in their back yards. I predict people having to call into work tomorrow because of impassable roads and instead spending time with loved ones.I predict that we will all be forced to just slow down and instead of smelling the roses, we are allowed to catch a glimpse of spectacular glistening beauty created by our heavenly Father.I predict that instead of running around doing the stuff we do everyday, we all have a little down time . Maybe we get to sleep in tomorrow morning. Maybe I will get to start that book I bought a couple of weeks ago. I predict numerous amounts of memories being made and pictures being snapped to document those for years to come. I predict that for snow lovers like me, we will bask in the peacefullness of it all while the snow haters will keep on hating. I can't predict snow fall amounts but I believe I am pretty spot on about my people predictions.
     I hope your snow cream is sweet, your sleds are fast, and you take a little time to see the beauty in the flakes falling from the heavens.
    

365 of them

     For Christmas 2012 my husband wrote me a love letter and it was , my most favorite, bestest gift ever. It also inspired me to do something very special for him. I started a list of things that I love about him and things that he does that I love. I wrote them out on regular notebook paper and cut it into strips.The first 150 or so flowed out onto paper like lava and then it became a little challenging. The plan was that every day in 2013 he would receive one of these strips. I recycled a container to keep them in so that at the end of the year they are all in one place. On Valentine's day he gave me a fat envelope that contained 45 love strips to catch up and joined me in the daily ritual of the giving of "love strips" before retiring for the day. The year is almost over and I have to say that I am going to miss this little ritual.
     Starting a list like this is easy. Some of the first ones are obvious things like #2 I love that you make me feel safe or #4 I love that you still hold my hand. Some were funny like #75 I love that you let me put my cold feet on your legs to warm them or #89 I love that you don't complain about how many times you have to stop for me to pee on long trips. Some were serious like #109 I love that you never leave without first giving me a kiss and an "I love you"or #114 I love that I can't remember what it's like to not love you.There are the ones that came about because of something he did that particular day such as #134 I love when you tell me I am pretty especially when I don't feel like it or #170 I love when you come home for lunch. Then there are the ones that I cannot share because they are naughty and for his eyes only.
     The point is this : Eric has always been the husband that tells me many times a day that he loves me. I have always told him many times a day that I love him. I wanted to switch it up a little and tell him WHY I loved him. As a bonus , now I know WHY he loves me too.This has been fun. It has been revealing. It has been good for us in ways that I can't even explain. If you want to do something special for your spouse, something meaningful that will show them your love , I highly recommend you start a list. January 1st is just around the corner.

    

20 Random facts about me

                              20 Random facts about me that most people do not know

1. I wasn't a big fan of high school.

2. I worked for Walmart for 11 years. My husband worked for Walmart too. That is how we met.

3. My husband almost didn't ask me out. He was afraid of me. I wasn't as nice as I am now.

4. My husband and I only dated for 6 months before we got engaged.

5. We never took a proper and official honeymoon.

6. Two weeks after the birth of my son, I hemorrhaged and thought I might bleed to death in my bathroom floor.

7. The most content I have ever been was a period of time that we rented a house that is 1/3 the size of the house we currently live in.

8. I am fiercely loyal to people I love.

9. In general I am a patient person but I struggle with road rage.

10. I hate shoes, will wear flip flops until there is ice or snow on the ground, and even the flops come off as soon as I walk in my front door.

11. I do the majority of our clothing shopping at Goodwill and care nothing about name brands. I just refuse to pay more than $5 for a t-shirt.

12. My longest running friendship dates back to early elementary school.

13. I am a homebody...my home is my favorite place to be.

14. I would rather do any other household chore , even cleaning toilets, rather than laundry.

15. God has given me an enormous forgiving heart and spirit.

16. I am shamelessly addicted to Diet Cherry Pepsi

17.I rarely watch any tv show in real time. I DVR it and watch it later so I can skip the commercials.

18. I LOVE to sleep.

19. If you stop by my house unannounced , you will probably find me in my pajamas.

20. I am happier right now with my life than I have ever been.