Marital Bliss

     Today is my 15th wedding anniversary. Yay us ! I am not going to lie and say that every day for 15 years has been joyful, peaceful, and smooth sailing. There have been days when I have just wanted to throttle him as I am sure there have been times when he has wanted to do the same to me. Lets be honest here, marriage is hard . Life is stressful and tiring even before children. Throw in a couple of those and well lets just say "honeymoon over". The divorce rate in this country alone is staggering to me. I myself am a child of divorce and right now have 3 family members separated from their spouses with divorce looming. I don't think there is one magic secret to marital bliss. I think there are many .
     When I was younger I used to hear people say " when you find the right person, you will just know." I can only speak from my own experience here but for me that was true. After the first date with my husband I told my mom that he was the one I was going to marry. While most of my friends got married soon after high school, I was 23 before I found the "one". I am not knocking getting married young, some of my friends are still married to that high school sweetheart and I think that is awesome. There is a reason that most wedding ceremonies begin with the phrase " Marriage is not to be entered into lightly." I will say it again, marriage is hard, therefore should only be reserved for adults. Before I met Eric I was beginning to wonder if I was going to find someone that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with . I had almost given up, in fact I wasn't seeking anymore. He kinda just fell in my lap. I believe that a huge majority of failed marriages begin with just not being patient for the right one to come along. It's like there is this race to see who can get married and have kids first. And for those who don't participate in the race, watching from the sidelines becomes scary and lonely and in an attempt to catch up they just end up settling .
     If you ask couples who have been happily married for years what the secret is you might hear "communication is the key." Maybe not the key that unlocks the door to forever happiness but I do believe that it is essential. Communication is tricky. The definition of communication is the exchange of information between people. The trick is knowing what kind of and how much information to exchange.Some things are better left unsaid and more often there are some things better said immediately instead of later.For example if you are unhappy with your marriage after 2 years its better to relate that fact to your partner after 2 years instead of waiting til your 10th year and out of the blue saying" I'm just not happy and I haven't been for years."
     Trust is another biggie. Trust doesn't come easily and must be earned , not just given. Chances are if you are the person your boyfriend cheated on his ex girlfriend with , its probably not a "forever" kind of relationship. If your partner lies to you while you are dating, chances are they will lie to you when married. There are just some people who can't be trusted with little things, so why trust then with big things like forever?
     Happiness . This is something that I feel strongly about. Happiness should come from within yourself not from someone else. NEVER depend on another human being to make you happy. In fact, NEVER depend on another human being for anything. Dependence means giving someone else control of something . I for one don't want someone else to control my happiness. Its mine and I will control it thank you very much.
     Love is a powerful emotion, scary, life changing, and weird. Lust is also a powerful emotion and sometimes people confuse the two. As long as you have both you're good. Base a marriage on lust and watch it fall apart very quickly.
     Are you a giver or a taker? Hopefully you are both. Unfortunately some people only know how to take and marriage will not survive with one full time taker and one full time giver. Eventually the giver is depleted and the taker must find a different giver source.
     I haven't covered all the many secrets of marital bliss, only those that have earned me 15 years of it.My keys may not be your keys and that is ok. No two marriages are the same . The true key is to find out what your keys are and perfect them. As for me, I didn't settle just so I wouldn't be alone. I waited til I found my prince charming. I have learned when to open my mouth and when to shut it.I trust my husband and he trusts me. I do not depend upon him for my personal happiness. We have the love AND the lust balance down to a fine art. We both give and take equally. well most of the time. I am blessed and I recognize it. I wish everyone a marital bliss kind of day !