Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Small reminders

      Its 11:15 pm and I am sitting on the couch with my 10 year old son who has been sick all evening. We have had a full day. Its spring break so it started with a trip to the grocery store and back home for some lunch.  After lunch I fixed an apple crisp and had not been sitting long when Ben decided today would be a good day to spend some of his birthday money. So off to the toy tractor store we went, then to Kmart where Cara tried on an armful of clothes to layaway for later. Next stop the Dollar tree and then after more than 2 hours of shopping and spending we landed back home where it was time to start supper. It was also the time that Ben said he was feeling bad. He went to my bedroom to sleep while the rest of us ate and just as I had cleared the last of the supper mess  it was time to clean up a Ben made mess. 5 hours later and he is still sick. I hate this kind of sick. There is just absolutely nothing you can do as a mommy to make it better. Right before the second time he was sick , he asked me to pray for him. I asked him how he wanted me to pray and he said out loud. Later he told me that even though it wasn't making it go away , it did make him calmer if I prayed out loud for him while he was sick. I am so proud of my little man for trusting in God to bring him peace through his storm.
     I am tired and do not know when sleep will come . I feel sad for him because I do not know how long this will last. I am also praising God tonight that I have two otherwise healthy children. I have a friend whose daughter has Juvenile diabetes and it is a daily struggle . Its not a 12 or 24 hour bug that just goes away. It is 24 hours a day 7 days a week that my friend must watch her daughter deal with a major life threatening health issue. I am losing this night of sleep but she is up many nights checking on her daughter sometimes waking her up to check her blood sugar so she will awake in the morning.
     I have a FB friend that has a 20 day old baby that has more than one health issue. She had a shunt surgically put into her tiny body less than 48 hours after she entered this world. Baby is right now this minute back in the hospital with an infection.This mother is by her side , leaving her other small child at home in the care of someone else. How horrible to watch your small miracle fight for life and not be able to embrace your other miracle .
     I have yet another friend who lost her child in 2008 when she was 8 years old. Olivia was a very sick little girl for most of her life and required continuous attention. My friend was her continuous attention and as much as she wouldn't have had it any other way , it came at a price. She has always been and will continue to be an inspiration to me. She was then and still is one of the most unselfish people I know.
     I have thought about all of this tonight as the hours have passed , as I have watched my son be sick over and over. I hate hate hate for either one of my children to be sick but it has most definitely served as a reminder to me that one sleepless night is NOTHING . I am blessed , we are blessed that at least for now this is as bad as it gets.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Sick and tired

     Ever heard people say " I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired?" I took a friend of mine to Baptist hospital on Monday for a consultation with a new doctor. She has been in pain since September. She knows that she has a bad kidney and some apparent liver issues. Her blood work is all screwy , she is tired all the time, sometimes yellow, nauseous, and has some kind of weird discharge. Her fear was that he would tell her that there is nothing wrong with her just as she has been told before. Well, she was almost right. After reviewing her test results and doing a quick exam he tells her that he thinks she has an inflamed rib. Really?? An inflamed rib can cause all those symptoms? Right before we leave he says that he had noticed that her platelets levels had dropped from the first time she had blood work to the next. He wanted a new panel done that day and if they had dropped again he was going to get her back in for an ultrasound of her liver. Wait, what?!?!. So dude, she gives you a list of symptoms that obviously can't be blamed on an inflamed rib but which clearly points to a more serious issue , you're sticking to your rib story and you aren't going to order further testing unless her blood work comes back worse than before? So now we are forced to pray that her platelets have just bottomed out just so she can get further testing and maybe get to the bottom of this pain that is disrupting her life.She is sick and tired of being sick and tired.
     I have another friend who wants desperately to have a baby , in fact that is the only thing in this life that she has ever wanted, to be a mommy. She has been a mommy before, to a very sick little girl who was cruelly taken from her when she was eight . She has dealt with more loss in the last 10 years than most people feel in a whole lifetime. Its not that she can't get pregnant, her body just can't sustain a pregnancy and she doesn't know why. So while people who don't deserve to have babies have them every day , my friend who deserves they joy of motherhood more than anyone else I know can't .
     Neither one of my two friends know exactly what their issues are and continue to look for answers. I am fortunate in that I know what my medical issues are, I just can't seem to get them fixed. I had an appointment on April the 1st with my obgyn and was excited when I left because he had agreed to do an ablation procedure which will resolve a host of issues that I have. I was told it could take up to a week to schedule the procedure appointment. Here I sit 2 weeks later with no appointment. I finally called yesterday to check on this only to be told that the lady who schedules all the outpatient procedures (Patrice) is on vacation this week. Well, Patrice I hope you are having a nice vacation while I am having the period from hell. I am starting day 5 of this one and have used 31 super plus tampons so far. Oh yeah, and passing clots as big as silver dollars. I am weak and exhausted . To add insult to injury I woke up yesterday morning with either some super allergies or a cold. Sore throat and tight chest with a dry hacky cough. I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I just want to feel well and I haven't for a long long time.
     There is a silver lining in the dark clouds, at least for me. Spring break is next week and maybe I can get some much needed rest.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Yes I am

     Yes I am hormonal so most of this will be ranting ! I had my ultrasound last Friday morning and the Doctor tells me that for the most part he found no abnormalities so its ok to go ahead with the ablation that I wanted. Gave me my encounter form and told me to schedule it on my way out. The person who does the scheduling of procedures was out of the office so I was told that she would call me later. I expected to get a call on Friday . So much for expectations. By Monday afternoon I was getting antsy so I called them and was told that it could take up to a week to schedule it and get a call back. A week?? Its going to be done in their office. A 15 minute call to the insurance company to clear the procedure and a quick look at Dr. Wasburn's schedule and we would be set. A week??
     Meanwhile its that time again and I am miserable. My back aches, I am so tired and "moody" doesn't even begin to cover it. I was so ill last night that I couldn't stand myself . It would probably help if I was sleeping well but I have an almost 15 year old dog who got me up twice last night to go out. Its like having a newborn in the house except she isn't cute and cuddly and she stinks when she comes back in after going out in torrential rains.
     Cara had to be at school at 7:15 this morning for a field trip. Well by 7:15 I had already had my fill of inconsiderate people for the day. I pull up in the driveway to the school and there are other parents dropping off their third graders for the same reason. One however had parked herself right smack in front of the doors. Ok I have always had a HUGE issue with this. If you are going to park and go into the building with your child , then park, IN THE PARKING LOT and go in. Do NOT park in front of the doors, blocking the driveway and make it inconvenient for the rest of us. Grrrr.
     After dropping the kids off I stopped at Neighbors on the way home. There is a very small section right in front of the store that is covered . If the guy in the big honking truck would learn to park it correctly I could have gotten out and made it into the store dry but no. He had to take up two parking spaces so I couldn't park under the awning meaning when I stepped out I got wet.
     I know, silly stuff, everyday stuff but when you are as hormonal as I am it turns into teenage drama stuff, mess up the rest of your day stuff. Yes I am hormonal. Yes I am miserable. Yes I am ill. Yes in a little while I will sit down to pray and read my Bible and I will feel better. Yes I will make it through my day without physically ripping someone's head off. Yes, by next week at this time I will not be as hormonal and I will be able to handle the silly stuff better.Yes, within a week I will have a procedure scheduled that will take care of most of this bad stuff and I will overall be in better physical and emotional health. Till then ... God please tie my hands and duct tape my mouth.