Pulling up my big girl panties

     Not too long ago my nine year old was upset about something and exclaimed "it isn't fair". My reply was "you are correct, it isn't fair. You have two choices. You can either sit around and whine about it which changes nothing, or you can put on your big girl panties and just deal with it."Well, she did both. She sat around for the next 20 minutes and whined about it and then just dealt with the fact that the situation wasn't going to change. I am following her lead. This is my 20 minutes of whining and then I'm gonna pull up my big girl panties and deal with it.
     The company that my husband works for is closing by the end of the year. This is not the first time that my husband has looked for a job. He has had more than a few during our almost sixteen years of marriage. He has had good paying jobs and sucky paying jobs. The best paying job paid the bills with extra left over but it was salary and he didn't spend much time at home. When he was home, he spent his time checking voice mails and returning calls. The sucky paying jobs paid the bills most of the time but came with the stress of maybe having not enough if we had to have new tires or something else unexpected.
     When my husband was hired by John S Clark we were hoping that he would retire from there. It was the perfect balance. He is salary but he is able to be home by supper most nights. We have enough to pay the bills with enough left over to maybe eat out a couple of times a month. He works hard for 50 hours a week and puts up with more crap than anyone should have to but he actually enjoys his job. Even through this latest recession Clark has been profitable . This closing is all about greed. Some people half a world away care more about lining their own pockets than they care about the more than 100 employes who now have to figure out how to feed their families and insure them before we are arrested for not having insurance...I guess that is anothother topic for a different day.
     Its not fair...there I said it and if it was socially acceptable I would lay on the ground and pummel the ground with my fists while screaming it at the top of my lungs. Its not fair that my husband is once again looking for work. Its not fair that the chances are high that he will not find a job making what he is making right now. Its not fair that chances are high that I am going to have to give up time with my children to work full time to make up for the lost income instead of staying a part timer . Its not fair that No matter where I go I will most likely just be working to pay for insurance and child care. How asanine is that? ITS JUST NOT FAIR !!!!!
     I have spent my day filling out job applications and searching the ESC website for jobs. Pickings are slim in Mount Airy and surrounding areas.I have spent the last 4 years subbing for Millennium Charter Academy and two out of the last 4 working for their after school program. Subbing will not cut it and after school is at most 12 hours a week at minimum wage. My dream job would be to work within the school system until my children are at least in high school so I could spend my summers with them but that is what that is...a dream. I have a 4 year degree in human services that I have never used but all jobs at this point that require you to have the 4 year degree also requires at least 2 years experience which I don't have. Can somebody please explain that one to me. I have the degree but how am I supposed to get the experience if nobody will hire me without the experience?
     Believe it or not, I haven't really spent any amount of time stressing about this situation. After the initial shock , I gave it to God and trust him to work this out for the good because that is his promise to his children. I have cried but probably not for the reasons you think. I have cried for my husband .Cried because I hate seeing him get up every day to go to work for a company that before long will just cease to exsist while at the same time spending every extra minute following up on job leads. Cried because I know how smart he is and I know his work ethic and I know he will not be paid what he is worth. Cried because we aren't the only ones affected by this stupid situation and there are some who are worse off than we are.Then there have been moments that I have cried for the reasons that you think. I have cried because life as we know it right now at this moment is going to change very soon. Cried because I know that I will most likely be ripped from the precious moments with my children just to survive. Cried because there will be no vacation this year no matter how selfish that may sound. Cried because I know no matter how many times I say "its not fair" I still have to pull up my big girl panties and deal with it.